


holding a torch (or a lantern)

by Charlie_Mou



Series: Female Flashes verse, I guess [1]
Category: DCU, Green Lantern - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Female Barry Allen, Female Wally West, Friends to Lovers, Genderbending, Hal is an idiot, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Pining, what is a timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-03-16 05:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 50,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13629726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie_Mou/pseuds/Charlie_Mou
Summary: It wasn’t Hal’s fault. Really.He didn’t know.When Hal first met Flash, he didn’t pay attention to the guy at all. He wasn’t even curious about him. Maybe if he had been, he would have known from the beginning that he wasn't even a guy.Or in which Hal assumed that Flash, who pretends to be a man because reasons, was a man and had a sexuality crisis over it. Of course, everyone has a good laugh about it too.





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda don't what it is since it was supposed to be my English project and then my English teacher turned out to be a comic geek and it would just be weird so...
> 
> Also, I have no idea where in the continuity it would be, or in any timeline for the matter, like, I'm most familiar with the rebirth but at the same time I have a love for some of the older comics, let's say it's Earth-√67 or whatever

 

 It wasn’t Hal’s fault. Really.

 He _didn’t know_.

 When Hal first met Flash, he didn’t pay attention to the guy at all. He wasn’t even curious about him. What was the big deal? Honestly, he was just fast, Superman was fast too. What good comes from running in circles around the villain? Hal couldn’t get a grip on how exactly it may be useful.

 (It was useful, Hal was being a jerk about it because he got a green ring which could do practically everything and by the end of the day, Flash was still the one who _saved_ _the day._ Green was the color of jealousy, too, after all.)

 So, yeah, the Flash was a red and gold blur going around the battlefield. Hal took a bigger interest in _the_ Amazon Warrior Princess anyway. A sight to see, even if she could kill him with her bare hands for ogling.

 They had a good teamwork, GL and The Flash, but nothing more.

 It changed with the formation of Justice League, of course. Everything _had_ to change, it’s JL for god’s sake.

***************

 He didn’t notice when the Watchtower became huge and expensive high school cafeteria. Suddenly everyone came by at least twice a week and since Hal actually had a reason to be in space, being a space cop, he was there a lot. ~~Excuses.~~

 The thing is, as a part of superhero community you tend to hear stories, information and details that are definitely too private, mostly about your…co-workers? Can he call them co-workers or should he call them teammates?

 Apparently, Flash was a goody-two-shoes who rescued cats from trees, helped grandmas cross the streets. Apparently, he had a noninvasive sense of humor, which Hal couldn’t tell about himself, lots of hope, non-killing policy Batman approves and an odd relationship with his Gallery of Rogues. Apparently, he believes everyone has good in them and that the world can be fair.

 According to _absolutely_ everyone, Flash was the most likable, adorable and innocent person in the superhero business. It was kind of boring.

 They made him a saint but Hal didn’t believe it for a moment. In this world, there are no saints.

 (Well, Hal will change his view on the way world works.)

 Flash couldn’t exactly fly to the Watchtower and zeta tubes still weren’t all that popular to use. The first month or two Hal didn’t see him much.

 The first time they actually talked without orders, fighting in the background or Batman’s grumpy voice in the comms was just after Barry stepped out of a personal meeting with Batman. They sometimes had them, Hal noticed.

 That was the whole reason he caught his eye.

 Flash walked out of the debriefing room, one rarely used. He was practically beaming at Batman when the door closed. They stopped next to the entrance.

 “Thanks, B. It means a lot,” Flash said.

 Hal didn’t expect him to replay, “You can always come by Gotham. _If_ you notify first.”

 From what he realized, Batman hated metas and supers in Gotham. The only person he barely tolerated was Superman and mainly because some cases from Metropolis were connected to Gotham, the cities weren’t all that far away from each other. He preferred calls and not people in person.

 Flash wasn’t surprised at all. He smiled at Batman, looking up to see the eyes behind the cowl.

 Then he hugged Batman.

 Yeah, Hal would have said he imagined it but that was not something he imagined in his free time. He thought Flash would be in pain in seconds. Or worse. He definitely wasn’t.

 It was more of an awkward half-embrace. He stood on his tiptoes for a moment, burying his face in Batman’s shoulder, holding onto his cape. His back was tense and the whole posture a little forced.

 Batman, of course, didn’t return the gesture but neither was he trying to get away. He was standing, arms along his sides, face unreadable. When his face stayed stoic, his arms were twitching.

 The weirdest thing Hal had seen. Which says something since he technically was a space cop and saw a shit ton of strange stuff.

 Flash let go, making clear and professional distance between them.

 “It really means a lot, B,” he repeated.

 Batman answered under his breath and Hal couldn’t catch it. Flash, kid you not, giggled. Batman left him in the corridor.

 The same day, while Flash was eating in the dining area, Hal sat next to him and said, “Hey, Flasher.”

 To this, Flash groaned, “Oh, please, not the word _flasher_ ,” and swallowed half of the cheeseburger in one bite. He told Hal a story about how the public was reluctant with calling him Flash since it sounded so much as the word _flasher_ , and there were a few incidents with flashers in Central a few weeks before. People were generally confused. They called him The Blur or The Red Streak instead. 

 It was beginning of a beautiful friendship.

***************

 Hal didn’t ask for his name. Well, he asked but Flash wasn’t all that trusting. The first person to know his name was Diana. Or Batman, Hal didn’t count him since he probably knew all their identities without them actually telling him willingly. World’s Greatest Detective or whatever.

 But Diana was told Flash’s identity first. Maybe he hadn’t told her, he was a pretty secretive guy, maybe she was at the right place, at the right time. She definitely was the one who kinda outed him.

 It was a simple question Diana asked, “How was your date, Barry?”

 They were sitting at the same table, the three of them. Hal stilled right after hearing the name. _Barry_. It suited him, in a way. It was goofy, easy-going, light on the tongue, a bit old-fashioned. Just like Flash himself.

 Hal, of course, ignored that knowledge and pretended he didn’t know. It was nice to put the name with the face. Or personality in this case.

 Countless times they had one of the random team-ups which ended in Coast City, eating pizza in Hal’s small apartment, and he had never called him Barry. Not for some time.

 Barry himself had a lot of friendships in and out of JL. He talked a lot with Diana and was the only man Diana took with herself to Themyscira to meet some of her sisters. Not that anyone told that Hal. Flash and the Amazon princess in the beginning usually spent their time together in the Watchtower, he easily heard them mentioning things when they thought no one was there. After a few months, Hal doubted they hadn’t been meeting outside of the headquarters. He eavesdropped on Diana speaking about some shopping center in London she wished to take Barry to. Hal wasn’t sure if they went as their secret identities so he may have googled them. There was practically no appearance of Wonder Woman and The Flash together.

 He kind of envied Barry’s dinner-dates and shopping sprees with Diana – she was a goddess after all. Hal knew she would never do any of these things with him – he was too much of a flirt and not a saint like Barry. He couldn’t, for instance, be as innocent to her beauty like Flash was.

 He didn’t talk much with Superman or J’onn, or Arthur but usually managed nice, attentive conversations with them. Asking Supes how was Lois or Aquaman how was Mera, chatting with the Martian about space theories. Hal kinda felt offended, he was the guy who was in space the most, after all, but Barry didn’t ask him the same questions as he asked J’onn. ~~Not that Hal would understand them.~~

  He spent a lot of time with Elongated Man and his wife since his superhero career’s beginning was in Central City too. Hal didn’t have that much information on him. He sometimes helped with some of Barry’s villains or JL with some battles. Every month or so Flash would go to dinner at his house and they occasionally met in fast food places.

 Flash seemed like the friendliest person ever in Hal's mind. Which was why he was so surprised about Green Arrow not liking him. From what he gathered, they had distinctly different opinions on most topics and tended to argue every time they saw each other, no matter the scenery. Weird thing, if they _actually tried_  to stay civil, they would. They won’t be friends for sure. Dinah was more positive about Barry and ignored Ollie’s banter like a pro but _still_. Hal just didn’t understand.

 The most surprising relationship was, once again, the one with Batman.

 Batman and his _I’m not a team player_ and _No one can know my name_ was the reason Hal knew Barry’s full name. Well, the eavesdropping was a reason too. Hal was a gossip girl, what can you do?

 Flash was the only person brave enough to make a joke about Batman with Batman in the room. Hal did some teasing or sassy reply. Diana had the courage but stayed respectful most of the time and Superman _intensely_ tried to be friends with Batman (no results as of now).

 Hal was witnessing Barry with Batman after one of their private consulting in the debriefing room. Yes, the consulting was frequent.

 “But Baaats,” Flash whined, loosely holding his black cape.

 “Shut up, Allen,” Batman hissed. “Stop pestering me about it.”

 “But–”

 “I will buy whole Belly Burger franchise and turn it into healthy food if you don’t stop,” he stated.

 Flash looked honestly terrified even if all of them knew it wouldn’t happen.

 So, Barry Allen. Hal felt proud saying it to himself. Don’t ask him why.

 (Hal questioned him about it once. About Batman.

 “How is it he likes you?” Hal was confused. “And why do you like _him_? He is a crazed loner.”

 Flash frowned and Hal noticed him biting his lip. He had nice lips, almost like a girl.

 “I started being The Flash a couple years ago. He has years of experience to top mine. He helped me a lot, especially at the worst points,” he explained. He looked up at the dirty ceiling of Hal’s living room. “And I kind of admire him, you know? He doesn’t have powers or gadget ring but he still fights. He doesn’t kill, even if he probably should in some cases. He brings justice and, in some ways, hope – that were the things holding me up for a long time,” he added.

 “You had met before the first JL team-up?” Hal asked.

 “Briefly,” he answered. “I doubted myself a lot at the beginning. I was going to quit and stopped patrolling as The Flash and then he came to CC, gave me this whole speech about being a hero. _And_ his private number.”

 “Batsy gave you his number?” he spat out. A plot twist, indeed.

 “Secure line, of course.”

 “Dude, was he aware how much you text spam?” he joked.

 Barry nudged him with his elbow, grinning.

 “And the first question?” he pushed.

 Flash stilled, not looking Hal in the eyes. He stared for a moment at something behind Hal’s head but probably didn’t see anything but memories. There was a certain sadness in his gaze, the kind you never quite forget.

 “I remind him of someone he loved,” Barry finally said.

 Hal forgot the question entirely.)

***************

 Hal told him his name pretty fast. Mostly because he felt guilty, partially because he wanted him to know his name. There was something with Barry calling him GL, like, it was nice and kind of friendly, and warm. At the same time, it wasn’t as personal as Hal had in mind. He called him Barry mostly, even when he shouldn’t. He wanted to be called _Hal_ too. He needed Barry to think about him as _Hal_ and not only _Green Lantern_. It was a title, part of who he was but the whole of him was _Hal_.

 Barry knew Hal found out his name but never asked for Hal’s.

 He made it simple and fast. They were after a fight, back at Barry’s house. Barry wanted to start on making food. He took the ring off for dramatic effect.

 “My name is Hal Jordan,” he said. “So we are even, Barry.”

 He stopped in the doorway between living room and kitchen with his back to Hal. His shoulders tensed, rising a bit. He sighed quietly and rubbed his forehead through the cowl.

 “You’re not supposed to tell me your secret identity, you know,” he started, turning to glance at him, “Hence the secret part, _Hal._ ”

 Barry was smirking and Hal’s heart was beating a little faster for a moment. A pleasant feeling, for sure.

 Later, after they had eaten some pasta Barry cooked, they were sitting with delivered Chinese, binge-watching the _Matrix_ series. Hal was almost asleep on the couch when Barry spoke up.

 “You didn’t have to tell me, to be clear. It doesn’t matter to me.”

 Hal squinted, waking up a little. He smiled, looking at Barry who still watched the third movie, concentrating on the screen and vaguely stirring the chopstick in the cartoon box. Hal was practically sleeping, his head on the cushion next to the armrest and his legs on Barry’s laps.

 “It should,” he stated.

 It may have been his imagination but before his eyes dropped for good he heard Barry whispering to himself, “It would be easier if you hadn’t told me, Hal.”   

***************

 Hal had to admit Barry was usually a level-headed guy. Calm, easy-going, peaceful. You could make fun of him in a good-natured way and he would laugh at himself with you. The only thing you shouldn’t joke about was his eating habits.

 Hal liked to look at him when he was eating most of the time. He was one of those who enjoyed food in every shape and size. It never got boring for him to eat Coast City Pizza or cupcakes from Jitters or the odd burritos Hal had been buying him in Leawood in Central sometimes. Barry’s eating noises couldn’t possibly be human. Or appropriative in public for the matter, Hal’s neck was getting hot just listening to them. Barry had the expression of the happiest person on Earth every time, with slightly brighter eyes and pinkish cheeks. Everyone would eye him in the Watchtower’s dining area considering the amount he had on the tray. He embarrassed easily while inhaling snacks and made sheepish faces, chewing nervously, hiding behind his plate with hunched shoulders.

 Hal liked Barry eating because it was healthier to eat a lot with speedster metabolism. It was the lie he was telling himself.

 Maybe it was something with the way he was always starving after a mission or the way he was ashamed of the way absorbing tons of food with superspeed kind of looked disgusting. Even Hal cringed from time to time. Diana was the one immune, giggling when Barry got sauce on the whole countertop or when meat bites escaped his mouth. It was nice to watch her smiling at Barry. ~~Hal was getting greenish a little but~~

 And then there were the, um, cravings?

 It wasn’t much, really. Sometimes people crave for particular dishes. Hal craved coffee and pizza every time he got back from space. But with Barry, they were weirdly _specific_ things like croissants from a bakery in downtown Paris or taco from a hole in the wall place in Mexico City, or sushi from a small restaurant in Kyoto. Hal didn’t even know he had been in all that places before.

 They were sitting in Hal’s apartment after one o the JL’s meetings. Hal asked him if he wanted pizza for dinner or if they should go out somewhere.

 Barry looked hesitating, “I actually have a taste for pizza but it’s not the usual one we eat.”

 Hal put their favorite pizzeria’s leaflet back to the drawer and raised an eyebrow. He leaned on the counter with his hips and folded his arms.

 “Not the usual? Then which one?” he asked.

 Barry, who was sitting at small kitchen table with elbows on the top and being tired in general, curled up onto himself and glanced to the side.

 “Well, I kind of–“ he mumbled, “I was thinking about Ravecca Pizza.”

 Hal didn’t see a problem. It’s just a different brand. Coast City Pizza wouldn’t get offended because they wanted some diversity. He rolled his eyes.

 “If you give me a phone number and menu, I will order. I don’t see a difference,” he stated.

 Barry didn’t say anything for a moment and hid his face in his hand.

 “Ravecca Pizza is kinda far,” he answered. “Like, in Italy.”

 Hal blinked but wasn’t all that surprised. And Barry looked cute with that timid grimace. Seeing that pouty lips seemed like receiving a wave of warmness in his chest. He pretended to think about it even if he would probably agree to anything Barry wanted.

 “If you want, you can go,” he said nonchalantly, “I will wait here.”

 Barry peeked at him from behind his palm even more sheepishly.

 “I thought you would go with me,” he admitted. “In Europe, superheroes mostly aren’t recognizable and it’s weird to be in the suit on the streets. The two of us would appear as less strange by looking strange together.”

 He bit his lip when Hal stayed unimpressed. Hal loved to see this vulnerable, natural Barry. He didn’t show that side of himself often, not so obviously. It was nice to see the angelic Barry as a mere human, who got unsure and insecure and still depended on people. Still needed friends for the casual things. He didn’t mention that Barry could take the suit off after the trip, already being in Italy.

 Hal was silent for a moment, “Sure. It’s not what I had in mind as _going out_ but sure.”

 Barry’s face brightened up. It was worth just to see it.

 An hour later, sitting in a true Italian restaurant in Bologna while eating dry Italian pizza, he wondered how it came to be like this. And how it is that it’s one of his nicest memories.

 He would probably agree to do the same for Ollie, he reasoned.

 The so-called dinner-dates in weird places became their thing. Barry still tries to talk him into taking them to space restaurants.

***************

  Barry, as he said, was angelic, not an angel. He got angry and irritated like everyone, he sometimes forgot, he was constantly late for everything and sometimes he could be insensitive or oblivious. At first, Hal was surprised but it went away with time. Barry had flaws. It was reassuring and grounding after countless thinking about him as perfect. It was depressing to see such optimistic and caring person and compare him to yourself. Hal felt like a jerk sometimes, even if he was _average_ at least.

 There was this one time when they were supposed to go to the beach on a lazy night off.  Hal mentioned not being on a beach for half a year, which was sad considering he lived in California, so Barry proposed going together on Saturday.

 When Barry was late an hour and there was no news about The Flash fighting, Hal called him looking out of his apartment window. It had been sunny and cloudless and baby blue sky from a few hours earlier made him antsy a bit.

 “Hal, what’s up?” he picked up. His voice sounded odd. “I’m kind of on a date right now.”

 “Oh,” he said weakly. “So I guess we’re rescheduling?”

 He was met with silence, “I forgot,” he stated. There was a hint of panic in it.

 “Yeah, I figured that part,” he deadpanned.

 Cute girly giggling sounded in the background on the other side.

 Hal heard hysteric hushed words, “Iris, don’t laugh.”

 Well, _Iris_ was lucky to have Barry Allen for the night. Hal looked down at the green ring on his hand. It was telling him something.

 “I’m sorry, Hal, really,” he said. “I didn’t mean to forget. It was a busy week and I just–”

 “It’s alright,” he interrupted his ranting. He was a little disappointed but not too much, “I know you didn’t. Have a nice date, Barry.”

 It was awkward a bit.

 “ _Hal–_ ”

 He ended the call.

 Hal didn’t mind the forgetting or being late. Or even the insensitivity. It was mostly harmless or - in the insensitivity case - truthful. He himself was forgetting things like birthdays, dates, meet-ups. They both were busy with heroing, it happened. The problem was with Barry getting annoyed.

 The first time it had happened Hal couldn’t get a grip on the situation. He had never heard Barry’s raised voice before.

 “HAL!” he came raging. “Did you LOSE your mind!?”

 It was kind of endearing, really. Hal had just almost gotten crushed by a building when his perfect plan of defeating the villain alone failed spectacularly. Flash was barely on time, seconds later and he would be a pulp. He left him couples of meters away from the battlefield and went to help Superman. The whole yelling part took place after the fight.

 “You could get killed, you _idiot!_ Think before doing for once, HAL!” he went on.

 “I–” he tried to excuse himself.

 “Shut up,” he said sharply. “You could be _seriously_ injured, HAL.”

 At this point, he wasn’t even screaming anymore. It was just the name and word emphasizing. And his frown, the most disapproving face he had ever seen. There were lightning sparks in his eyes, looking like a storm on the clear blue sky - his vibrant red suit seemed faded out in comparison. His voice was squeaking and fast but comprehensible.

 Hal allowed him to go on, “It’s _irresponsible_. We’re a team, you’re not supposed to do this I’m-the-bravest _solo stunts._ What if I wasn’t there? What _then_? You would wing it? YoucouldhavebeendeadrightnowHalforgod’ssake.” Speeded up speech meant he was worked up. As he said, it was endearing in a way. Gave him the feeling of being valued.

 And then Barry hugged him, shaking like an autumn leaf. He held his arms around his neck and the tension in their shoulders melted and that weird mental silence they were in, even with Barry’s shouting, vanished. He remained frozen but the blazing calmness made it into his subconscious. Hal didn’t know what to do with his hands. Barry’s hands were firm against his nape, material of Flash’s suit rough and chilly. His powerful tight strained above Hal’s knee.

 You know the saying, the one were before every storm there was calm. It was the other way around with Barry.

 There were different stages of anger. The ones after battles were what Hal called worried-angry. There was the furious one. Furious ones were usually not involving the hero life.

 Hal thought it would be a casual mention, nothing more. A small talk between bros or something.

 “I broke up with Carol,” he announced.

 They were in Hal’s apartment, Barry was trying not to look sweaty but the weather outside in Coast City was terrible – for him anyway. A blistering heat. Hal was considering going out for ice cream and ice cubes since his fridge was empty except for beer. Barry was lying his back against the coldest wall, sitting on the floor. He looked up at Hal with a stern face.

 “Again,” he said. It didn’t even sound like a question.

 Hal raised an eyebrow and crossed his ankles. He was at the kitchen table, towering over Barry.

 “Yeah, she kept pestering me about not spending time with her, having secrets and accused of a couple of other things. We argued, end of the story, man,” he explained.

 Barry closed his eyes and tilted his head back. His clenched his jaws.

 “But it’s never the end of the story for you, Hal,” he said. “How many times did you break up last year?”

 He didn’t understand, “What–”

 “I will tell you how many - too many to count, “ he supplied, still not sparing a glace.

 “Well, yes, but it’s not like it’s my fault.”

 Barry sighed, “No, not at all,” he spat out. “It’s not like you’re neglecting her most of the time, playing with her feelings when it’s good for your personal gain or, I don’t know, giving up on her with the first occasion.”

 He furrowed his eyebrows, even though he wasn’t glaring at Hal, still having closed eyes, it crept through Hal’s shoulder as if he was.

 “So you’re saying what? That I’m at fault?” he asked.

 “I’m saying you have to stop and decide if you wanna be with her or not. For real this time,” he retorted.

 “It’s not like that. She is just a girl,” Hal said.

 Barry opened his eyes and simply glared at him for a moment. His eyes were cold, unmoving and the sparks showed again - this time they weren’t just blinking in his eyes, you couldn’t miss it - they featured vivid images of uncontrolled electricity, not staying in one place, going through his cowl as normally they would go through strands of hair.

 “Yeah, _just a girl,_ ” he hissed. “It’s not like she is a _person_ with a heart to break and feelings to get hurt or life to move on, not at all. She is _just a girl._ ”

 Barry’s smile seemed the cruelest thing Hal had seen.

 “You don’t understand, Bar,” he tried. “You don’t have relationships like I–”

 Barry folded his arms, “No, _you_ don’t understand, Hal. For you, it may be just sex but she wouldn’t have taken you back as many times as she had if she hadn’t expected _feelings_.”

 He got up with a disgusted face. It still haunts Hal in his nightmares.

 “I’d tell you to get out but it’s not my house,” he said. “So I will just go back to Central.”

 Hal wanted to protest but the familiar red blur and the gust of wind and Barry wasn’t there anymore. Even with the heat, Hal shivered a few times that day.

 (He decided not to get back with Carol. Maybe before he took on the Green Lantern’s mantle, maybe at the beginning of working for Ferris Air, maybe he loved her back then. Now it was an idea lost with the time.

 He talked with her like an adult and she thanked him. He didn’t know what for. For breaking her heart, most likely.)

 Hal thought the furious one was the worst. Harsh and angry in a subtle way, paradoxically calm. Making you ashamed of yourself with a stern gaze. He felt like a scolded child in a rebel phase. But there was the scary-angry. Fortunately, Hal wasn’t a subject of it. Watching it sped up his heartbeat the way he didn’t experience in years. Scary-angry ones weren't common or frequent - they usually had something to do with bad cases or the worst kind of criminals. It was stealthy most of the time too, not many knew it occurred.

 He saw it during one of the team debrief meetings when Batman was reporting on the last two weeks. The video went viral three days ago.

 “I remind everyone that most of us are in the public eye,” Batman said. “Things like that one are not acceptable.”

 On the screen, there was CCTV footage from an abandoned warehouse. The date was from four days before, with some local news channel logo in the corner. A few men and five small girls and two boys were easily visible. The children were tied up, scared for life and bloodied, barely clothed. Hal didn’t want to look.

 Then, into the almost empty room, came the red streak. The Flash stood tall, intimidating. The men took out guns and knives with a casual swing of arms and rolled their eyes at The Flash, smirking. Like it was funny.

 There was complete silence in the debriefing room.

 The Flash on the screen shouted something and the children closed their eyes. There was pure lightning, big and bright coming out of his body and vibrations shook his posture into a blur. He looked maniacal with a heartless grin. The men flattered a bit.

 Then, seconds later, Hal saw them on the floor. Batman clicked on the remote and it got back and played it in slow motion. The frames weren’t fast enough to have the whole thing on the footage, it looked like deficient sequence drawings.

 There, The Flash gave hundreds of punches, one by one, backing off to gather the speed and attack again and again. He kicked one of the men into the hole in the brick wall, the other flew from half of the room. The sparks were all over the warehouse, shading the light.

 After that, when 11 grown men were lying on the floor looking like they had just gone through war, The Flash stopped, breathing heavily. He glanced directly at the camera and grimaced. He ran straight at the wall it was on with superspeed and, being vertically on it, he kicked the camera off.

 Hal was speechless.

 There ware Superman’s and Aquaman’s disapproving gazes. Diana raised an eyebrow and J’onn didn’t show anything on his face.

 The most surprising thing was Barry’s lack of sheepish reaction.

 “They were murderers, rapists and human traffickers who were selling children. Was I supposed to ask them nicely?” he stated.

 “Two of them had broken jaws, four of them broken legs, almost all of them several ribs cracked. One of them had collapsed lung and other one brain swelling,” Batman said. “Superspeed gives your punches certain _force_.”

 “I wasn’t even going at Mach 1,” Barry answered.

 Batman glared straight at him, “If you were, they would be dead. We are both aware of it.”

 “It’s not just a matter of public image, it’s morally wrong, you could have killed them, they weren't metas, Flash,” Superman added.

 Hal wasn’t able to believe it but Barry _shrugged_ , “And it comes from the person who has the best grip on their strength.”

 It was a low blow and truth at the same time. The insensitivity Hal was talking about. Superman wasn’t ideal, barely human. His control sometimes wasn’t enough, strength not held back enough - usually just after nasty Lois Lane incident or aggressive fight with a big amount of damage, when he was lost in himself deeper than normal. No one minded that much, it was harmless as of now, so no one had ever mentioned it, maybe Batman in private.

 The room became so tense you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

  “You’re confusing personal life with work,” Batman finally said.

  Barry subsided a little, “I'm not saying I’m sorry but it won’t happen again. For some time.”

  He didn’t know what it was about, he got the feeling he shouldn’t ask Barry. Hal was chilly from the shock, it was like watching a train wreck but the train wreck was sitting next to you. He couldn’t take his eyes off Barry for entirely different reason than usual.

 He couldn’t believe he used to think that this guy was useless.

 That was a breaking point of thinking about Barry as _perfect_. The petty flaws seemed forced, made up. Small in comparison. But Barry wasn’t just a fluffy ball of sunshine. Everyone has some darkness in them. The difference lies in their approach to it - if they took it in with open arms and no protest or if they touched it a few times and buried deep down in themselves, digging a hole again in worse periods of their lives. That difference chooses who you are - the villain or the hero. Barry had bad days, he was aware of that. It had never been more obvious than after the video.

 For the matter, Hal still stood by Barry being overly the best person he knew. From all Justice League, or superheroes generally, he would be the last to shake hands with his own darkness.

***************

 Hal had his screw-ups. A fair amount of them, to be honest. Barry was one of those people he tried not to disappoint much. Of course, he did it anyway but it was a smaller amount of disappointment than he caused his family or Carol. And most of the disappointment Barry didn’t even count or acknowledge at all.

 This one important date he _had to_ forget.

 When Diana called him and said he was supposed to be in the Watchtower in five minutes he thought it was an emergency, like the world ending or something. It definitely wasn’t. Or maybe it was in some ways.

 Barry was the only person who spent his birthday with JL. He was the only person who could have a birthday party in the Watchtower, which says a lot about his status as the Leaguer. Hal stopped being surprised a long time ago - it was the way Barry simply _was Barry_.

 Of course, he screwed that up.

 When Diana met him in the teleporting room, she smiled excited, saying she needed his opinion. Hal noticed she wore a loose baby blue strapless dress, a summer dress more than anything. Shapes of the armor under it were visible on her neckline and she still had her typical bracelets but resigned on leg pads. That’s when Hal realized there was no emergency.

 Diana opened doors to one of bigger debriefing rooms.

 “What the hell,” he exclaimed.

 Everything was yellow and gold. Well, it was a small exaggeration since the walls were mostly still steely gray and the window-walls made it obvious they were in space with the general darkness. But there were gold-red decorations everywhere, on the table in the corner stood a bunch of presents and the biggest cake he had seen. Next to it, Superman in a checked shirt and jeans, looking very Kansas, was pestering fully geared Batman who held small package wrapped in black present paper.

 It became clear when Hal saw as Elongated Man, uhm, _elongated_ his body to hang up a really bright banner with _Happy Birthday Flash_ written with glittery golden letters on it. There was maybe a dozen of people and all of them knew Barry’s secret identity. Most of them, with the exception of Batman and Elongated Man, wore casual clothes. There was some woman, a civilian for sure, who Hal didn’t recognize.

 Diana looked around the room. There were Flash-themed banners, yellow-red balloons, even food was color themed. It looked like kid’s birthday party in adult size. There was still a lot of space and practically no room to sit so everyone would probably stand around and talk. They didn’t plan for it to be long. There were not many people, too, the first Leaguers, Elongated Man and that woman and some minor superheroes Flash was friends with. It was very Barry like.

 “Isn’t it okay?” she asked. “I thought Barry would like it.”

 “No, it’s okay, Barry will love the color cringe. Just-” he stalled. “I didn’t know it’s his birthday.”

 Diana made a face. It looked disapprovingly and disappointed, “Great,” she spat out. “Barry will be here in ten minutes.”

 So, yeah, Hal screwed up. He could wing it or something but rejected the idea. With Barry it was different - he didn’t deserve a half-assed birthday, five minutes birthday presents. He held a special place in Hal’s heart, he simply wouldn’t do that to him.

 It was at the times like it when Hal felt ashamed of himself. For his last birthday, Barry took him to Aviation Museum Pearl Harbour. To Honolulu. He didn’t even do it on his birthday - Hal was in space on his birthday but he waited two weeks and planned the whole thing anyway. It was kind of illegal since they were there at night, after opening hours and Barry bribed guards with smiles and selfies, and the superhero act. It was one of the nicest nights in Hal’s life, one he will remember vividly. That’s why Barry deserved much better birthday.

 A sincere apology was the brave option.

 Of course, Barry loved the birthday party. He grinned the whole time, laughed even at the worst jokes and beamed at everyone in general. He got some embarrassing presents, like the one he wasn’t allowed to show in public from Diana, and ate tons of food.

 They sang him a _happy birthday_ and Hal swore Barry almost started crying.

 Hal hovered near him the whole time, feeling guiltier with his every chuckle, with every hug Barry gave and every present he got. He kept on bringing him slices of cakes, candies and other food. Hal couldn’t get enough of that small spark in his eyes which became brighter with every next person Barry chatted with. It was small, simple gathering but, it in the overall, it was successful. A bit weird considering there were the greatest superheroes, and costumes, and secret identities but fulfilling.

 It was getting late when Batman took Barry aside. Hal wandered in their direction and probably failed in pretending he wasn’t eavesdropping.

 He gave Barry the small box wrapped in glossy black paper. It wasn’t even bigger than his both hands.

 “It will match your eyes,” Batman said. Barry looked down at the present, not knowing what to make of it. “It was hers,” Batman added.

 Barry tensed in a second. He glanced at the box almost fearfully, holding onto it for dear life, clutching to his chest.

 “I can’t accept it, B,” he gulped.

 Batman took his hands into his own. “Of course you can. She would want someone to finally wear it again.”

 Flash still wasn’t convinced. He reached with his hand to his forehead, nervous gesture of his that resembled him sweeping back his hair. He bit his lip and his glassy eyes blinked rapidly.

 He put the box into one of his arms and embraced Batman with the other. Hal heard him whine quietly. He hid his face under Batman’s chin and smiled.

 “Thanks, I will wear it every day,” he almost whispered.

 There, for a moment so small you wouldn’t notice if you hadn’t been watching, corner of Batman’s lips quirked. He put one arm around his shoulder, not really engaging in the hug. It looked strange with them both being fully suited but it wasn’t as awkward as it was the day Hal first chatted Barry up. Like they were more used to it.

 Flash could be mistaken for fragile in Batman’s arms. It was so intimate Hal had to turn his gaze away, he took a couple of steps in the opposite direction, standing next to Superman.

 “What’s in that box?” he asked, trying not to look back at them.

 Superman eyed Hal down and glanced at Batman. He sighed.

 “I don’t know. It was lined with lead,” he explained.

 After that, the party was beginning to end. Aquaman was called for an emergency in Atlantis and everyone started to go their own ways.

 Hal stood just a few inches away from Barry, nearly touching his shoulders and elbows. Hal couldn't see anything but Barry’s content face.

 “Wasn’t it weird?” Hal asked. “Spending your birthday with JL and not your friends and family, I mean.”

 Barry looked up at him, arching his neck and crinkling his eyes. He swung his arm a little, like a happy child.

 “Not really,” he said. “The one person I could spend my birthday had a double shift today.”

 Hal didn’t know what to say so he mumbled, “Oh.” His face fell.

 Barry chuckled lightly. “We will probably go out somewhere on Saturday but it was nice to know someone else remembers about me.”

 He didn’t know how anyone could forget about him. Maybe if they were idiots like Hal. The guilty took over for a moment.

 “I didn’t even get you a present,” he admitted.

 Barry looked at him as if he was stupid. Which Hal was. He giggled, not being able to hold back his radiant smile, his blue eyes bright with mischief. He tilted his head to the side.

 “Hal, you had been in space for a month. You don’t have a working phone or not expired food in the fridge, not to mention a calendar up to date,” he beamed. “It’s nothing, I understand.”

 Hal regarded him with his gaze, feeling warm on the inside. He was so relaxed, so at ease. He was a true angel for him right there. Hal’s gratefulness never reached higher levels.

 “But it’s not nothing,” he reasoned. “It’s _your_ birthday. I should get you anything you want and now I don’t even have money for a bus ticket.”

 Barry looked at him, smirking.

 “There is something you could get me,” he said playfully and licked his lips.

 “There is?” Hal asked.

 He nodded in the direction of dark cosmos behind the window-walls and folded his arms and his baby blue twinkled. “I always wanted a real moon rock.”

 Hal had to smile, not even surprised about that.

 Minutes later they were standing in the hangars, Hal suited up again.

 “Get me a big one,” Barry ordered.

 Hal’s smirk widened. He stepped closer and swept Barry off his feet. Literally. He gathered him into his arms and covered him with familiar green aura. He could easily hold him with a construction, firm distance away, he realized when they left the hangar.

 When the doors of the hangar closed behind them, Barry squeaked, holding Hal around his neck for dear life, so tight Hal could feel their chests touching. He blushed, noticing that Barry had actual pecs, a little weirdly shaped but pecs. He still had no need to let him go.

 To be honest, space was horrible for everyone at first. Dark and cold, even with green glow of the ring's construction and moon’s shape in the distance. It was scary for someone who didn’t have control, it may have been a bit scary for Barry.

 The stars were bright around them, and when Barry stopped hiding his face in Hal’s neck, he was awed by the night. His mouth agape, eyes wide and filled with light. His hold gave in, becoming more and more tender. Hal’s heartbeat sped up and his gaze couldn’t focus on anything but Barry’s red cheeks and plump lips, this dazzled expression. Hal was able to get to the moon three or four times faster but it didn’t matter, he needed to prolong the moment.

 When Barry got a clear sight of moon’s lighten-up side, he whispered to himself in wonder, “Wow.”

 Hal had to agree. Barry’s face made him say _wow_ a lot.

 One of the most endearing memories Hal had was Barry, glowing green on the moon’s surface, dancing and spinning around, singing quietly and out of tune Sinatra’s _Fly Me To The Moon_. Hal sang along, just like that, to see Barry grinning even more. He was _ecstatic_ , really.

 (Barry took 5 pounds of moon rock with himself, of course, the nerd.)

***************

 “I would marry you if you were a girl. Honestly, you’re perfect.”

 In an instant, it became clear to him.

 Hal had just gotten back from a space mission. He hadn’t been paying his rent for the last 2 months and got kicked out or - as his landlord said - evicted. Carol was angry at him again. He had maybe 30 dollars in his wallet and his phone was dead. His ankle was probably twisted. He didn’t have a place to go, not his own anyway.

 He could go to Ollie. But he went to Barry.

 It was Saturday on Earth. Barry had a day off when he knocked. Hal held the doorknob and the opening door so he wouldn’t see his face by accident.

 “It’s me, Barry,” he explained. “Hal.”

 Barry stopped pulling on the handle. “Wait a sec,” he said as Hal felt a gust of wind. It was a literal second. “Come in,” he added.

 He had greasy grey sweatpants on himself and the top of the suit covered with a hoodie. The cowl was in its rightful place, some strands of light blond hair sticking out near the eyes. He was probably lazing around.

 “Not that I don’t want to see you but what’s up?” Barry asked, cracking a smile.

 Hal didn’t want to admit he actually wasn’t able to stay fully functional adult. Barry had him sussed as if he was transparent.

 “You’ve just gotten back from space, didn’t you?” he asked. He went in the direction of the kitchen, scraping the fluffy slippers on the carpet. “I don’t have a beer but I can make you a cup of tea. Go sit down.”

 The first thing he had done was lying on the couch in Barry’s cozy living room, watching the news going on the TV. He put his useless phone on the coffee table and sighed, relaxing. With Barry everything was simple.

 He came back after a short moment, sitting on the arm of the sofa. He handed him that winter themed cup with woolen covering he got from Iris last Christmas and started, “How are you feeling? You’re not injured, right?”

 Hal looked down at his foot, “Well, it’s not bad at least?” he hesitated.

 Barry rolled his eyes, smirking fondly, “Are you asking me?”

 His blue eyes were twitching with mischief. He shook his head and got up.

 “I will bring the ice and an ointment,” he promised. “There is a baseball game in the TV somewhere, just change the channel.”

 Hal let his eyes wander after him. He imagined Barry in a blue robe matching his eyes and pale skin, doing breakfast in the kitchen and singing along to the vintage radio which stood near the sink. He wouldn’t be in the cowl but with sweaty, mussed hair that screamed after-night hair. Maybe he wouldn’t have anything under that robe, maybe his typical striped PJs. He would drink coffee from any of the silly cups he had, he would smile and joke while leaning onto Hal.  Such a domestic scene and his heart just filled at the thought. Hal took the remote and chose a random channel.

 Barry went upstairs to fetch the medicine and came minutes later with a bag full of ice. He put the ointment on the table. Hal slipped his socks off. Barry put the bag on the bruise and held it for a moment before guiding Hal's hand. His fingers were warm.

 “It’s cold,” Hal hissed. His palm was going numb from the coldness.

 “That is the point, you dork,” he chuckled. “How was the mission?”

 “Okay, I guess,” he answered. “I’m exhausted, though. We were traveling a lot from planet to planet.”

 “You can nap here, Hal,” his name sounded right on Barry’s tongue. “You are hungry too, aren’t you?”

 “A little,” he admitted sheepishly. “I don’t have any money. Or a place to stay. Or a job.”

 Barry had his elbow on his lap, propping up his chin.

 “Then we are roommates until you plead your way into Carol’s company again.”

 “You sure?” he asked. “It may take a while.”

 Barry grinned, “Sure,” he confirmed. “Now going to friendlier things, I was planning on pancakes for breakfast. Want some?”

 “With peanut butter?” Hal wondered.

 Barry stood up and for a moment there he thought Barry was gonna kiss him on the cheek or forehead, like in all that cutesy movies. He even bent a little towards Hal. In the end, Barry put one of his hands in his sweats' pocket.

 “Of course.” He took Hal’s phone from the counter, “It will be charging in the kitchen when you wake up,” he said and went out of the room.

 Hal laid on the couch, maneuvering the ice bag. He closed his eyes, hearing the shuffling of the silverware. Barry came by a few minutes later with a blanket. He hovered above him and Hal felt his lingering gaze on himself. A commentator on the TV could be heard in the background.

 Hal woke up sometime later with a smell of homemade food. The match had ended. He sat up, taking off the wet bag from the sofa and burying his legs in the blanket.

 Barry was still in cowl but the hairs were tucked inside. He was holding two plates - the second one, probably his, with the tripled amount of sticky pancakes normal person was able to eat in one go.

 Barry smiled seeing him awake and gave him the smaller plate. He settled on the sofa next to him.

 Hal was in heaven right then.

 “I would marry you if you were a girl. Honestly, you’re perfect,” he said not thinking it through, balancing food on his knees. He didn’t notice how Barry had frozen and continued, “I could become domesticated with you.”

It hit him a few seconds too late, what he said. He looked at Barry with wide eyes. Barry, who was gorgeous with red cheeks and confused, and opening his mouth, not having a way to word his thoughts.

 “Um– I just–“ Hal started excusing himself but nothing came to his mind.

 “Well…” Barry stuttered. “Not that I’m not flattered but I’m not a girl and you’re not gay so–“

 “Are you? Gay, I mean,” Hal spat out. He almost punched his own face after speaking.

 Barry’s face became even brighter. His blush easily blended with some of his brownish freckles.

 “I’m kinda bi but it’s not–“ he exclaimed. “It’snotaninformationIshouldhavesharedinthiscontext.”

 Hal squealed in his mind as if it was helpful detail. He held his hands up.

 “No homo, bro,” he stated. “I didn’t think I would ever use _no homo_ in a serious conversation.”

 He was pretty sure Barry actually squealed out loud.

 This way, Barry practically superspeeded upstairs to get ready the guest room for Hal and the next hour he spent sitting on the couch with thoughts running, in turns, from what had happened to what he would say to Barry when they finally face each other.

 Of course, Barry had ruined his perfect speech before it began and said, “Did you put the ointment on your ankle?”

 Hal’s heart skipped a bit and he smiled with fondness. Maybe with a pang of sadness too.

 It was Barry. It hardly explained anything but it also explained _everything_.

 Hal realized that with passing months they were getting closer and closer. To becoming what, he didn’t know or didn’t want to name it. Hal hadn’t felt like that with anyone since his dad’s death - free, completely himself. Because Barry wouldn't judge him without seeing the bigger picture, he wouldn’t leave him alone how much Hal hadn’t messed up and he would _never_ forget him. Barry gave him home, a safe haven in his open arms Hal wasn’t afraid to take. It was the way Barry talked to him with soft, fond voice and spark in the eye, the way he went out with Hal to weird cheap restaurants and made fun of him when Hal was being picky and then ate the food Hal didn’t like, the way he refused to cook meat at home because it usually ended burned or raw and got Hal as much as he could to cook it instead, the way they teased each other lazing around on the couch under tons of blankets, the way their arms almost touched all the time, the way they wandered into each other's personal bubbles instinctively. In the way Hal couldn’t take his eyes off him sometimes, the way he observed his every move, noticed the tiniest change in his face, the way he knew Barry’s odd liking of 80’s and 90’s movies, the way he could point out where Barry's freckles were the most visible, the way he knew Barry was tired just by seeing his fingers taping in this particular sequence, the way Hal’s tights would get in contact with his and their knees would bump when Barry was sitting and worrying but didn’t want to nag Hal for comfort. ~~In the way Hal had this urge to kiss him every time he laughed at his bad puns and in the way Hal often looked at his lips and hips~~.

 It was all subtle but obvious if you think. The border between best friends and something more was, after all, thin. Blissful ignorance didn’t last forever, either. Hal had to realize the truth sooner or later.

 They watched _Pulp Fiction_ for the fourth time and Hal stayed for the next three days.

***************

 He was totally drunk when he asked Oliver the weirdest question in the history of his poor life. Seriously, he was drunk and emotional. Cut him some slack.

 “Is it possible to have a relationship when you kinda love that person and that person is attractive but you wouldn’t exactly want to fuck them?”

 Hal was lying on the floor, on the fluffy red carpet in the living room, almost under the table but still being able to reach for the whiskey they were drinking. Dinah was running some undercover mission for Batman.

 Oliver looked soberer in a matter of seconds and sat straighter on one of the couches in the mansion. Pretending bastard.

 “What the hell?” he exclaimed.

 Hal didn’t know why he continued, “There is this guy who is, like, _perfect._ He understands me, puts up with my shit and the whole abandonment and commitment issues. He is like walking angel, Boy Scout but not as pushy as Supes, amazingly brave, funny. He cares about his people. Perceptive in the purest way.”

 “That you can have with a friend,” stated Ollie.

 Hal had to protest, “Every time I think I’m not gonna make it, I imagine him saying my name, saying I could do it. And I make an idiot out of myself so he would laugh, that has to mean something.”

 “You don’t need to make an idiot out of yourself, you already are one,” Oliver added helpfully.

 “The thing is, I know that. He knows that. That I’m an idiot, I mean. And he is still there for me,” Hal said. ”He takes me in with open arms no matter what. He stops me when I start the arguments to fuck things up between us. He asks me how I am, how I feel, what I want to do, to eat, to watch. The smallest details. He _cares_ , Ollie.”

 He didn’t respond to it. He felt similarly about Dinah.

 “And he is attractive. It’s a common knowledge,” Hal admitted. “The prettiest eyes I’ve seen. I kinda think his skin is soft. And his ass, Ollie. I could write poems about his ass. Come on, you know how bad of a poet I’m and I would write them anyway,” he declared.

 Oliver kept almost straight face, barely frowning. Hal didn’t know if the frown was a frown of disgust or frown of worry. Maybe of sympathy.

 “Then where is the problem?” his voice sounded strange. Distant. He stared at some random painting on the wall instead at Hal.

 “I’m probably in love with him. Or I could be in love with him,” he stated. “In every way possible _but_ sexually. Just a thought of fucking a man turns me off. It’s not some homophobic bullshit, it’s the way my body works,” his voice cracked.

 Oliver put his chin on his fist, touching his beard with a thumb.

 “I hate it,” he added finally. ”I hate how the world is fucked up enough to give me a perfect match and then say _no, your dick doesn’t work this way_.”

 Hal had big urge to curl up into himself and cry under that table.

 “Are you gonna tell Flash?” Ollie asked.

 Hal wasn’t surprised he knew at all. He most likely was plainly obvious to everyone. No one confronted him on this only because everyone thought he was straight. ~~Unfortunately, they were right.~~

 Hal reached for opened whiskey worth more than his bank account at the moment. He drunk straight from the bottle. It was enough of an answer.

 Ollie held up his glass.

 “Cheers,” he said sardonically.

***************

 Thing is, Hal wasn’t moping or anything. It was neither a rom-com nor a drama. Love, unrequited or not, doesn’t stop you from living your life. That’s the casual beauty of it. You sleep, you wake up, you eat, you go to work. You have duties. You have friends. Maybe the so-called love of your life is one of the friends you meet up with.

 There are the moments when you watch _without_ actually watching. Like the whole world goes around but it’s vague, slow and so fast at the same time. Hal wondered if it’s what Barry felt running. But that are only moments, mere seconds to think _Fuck, I love him, what to do_. Strong feelings usually work like that in its own simple and cruel way.

 The duties called miraculously at the right time. He was in space, in Oa, for a little bit longer than 2 weeks after his painful realization.

 Back on Earth, he went straight to Barry. ~~Ha, straight. The joke’s on him.~~

 Of course, since Barry had a normal job, he wasn’t there. Hal opened the door with spare key Barry leaves for him under the doormat. He had told him countless times it wasn’t safe and he could make a key construction with his ring. _“What if you’re out of power and hurt?”_ Barry had responded. Hal didn’t deserve him.

 Barry’s house was small but definitely bigger than Hal’s apartment. Warmer but remaining chilly, untouched.  From what he knew, he bought it because he had grown up in it, because of a sentiment. Hal didn’t ask why his parents weren’t living there anymore, the answer was probably painful.

 He had about an hour and a half before Barry would get back. He changed into spare clothes he stored in an unused wardrobe in the guest room upstairs. He charged his phone and changed the time on it. It was 2 hours later than Coast City time zone but he still went with it. He made some sandwiches and searched for take-out menus for later. Barry was always hungry.

 It almost felt like home, like a family.

 He started panicking a little when Barry should have been in the house 2 hours ago. There was nothing about The Flash in the news. He may have had a busy day at work. Hal made himself a tea. No beer in the fridge.

 It’s when the familiar red-gold streak came.

 Hal automatically put a hand over his eyes. For some reason, Barry didn’t want to take the suit off with him in the room. He still wasn’t used to some parts of it, like the its logic. He knew his full name, where he lived, more or less where he worked. Flash said to him it still doesn’t make him recognizable, that if he took the costume off Hal would have more knowledge than anyone. That there was _the_ secret of a secret identity. Maybe it was something with letting Hal into his life – only Iris, Barry’s ex-girlfriend/best friend, was completely in both his lives. Maybe Barry had commitment issues just like Hal.

 Hal was sure Diana and Batman had met Barry in jeans at least once. He didn’t protest when Barry asked him to cover his eyes if he was out of the suit or not to come to his workplace.

 “Bar, can I open my eyes?”

 Shuffling in the kitchen stopped. He could hear Barry’s heavy steps on the wooden floor. There was a sniffle.

 “Hal? What are you doing here?” his voice sounded vulnerable. He sobbed silently, not being able to hold it in even with Hal’s presence in the room.

 Hal was shaken only listening to it, “Can I?” he repeated.

 Barry hesitated, “Yeah…”

 He turned on the sofa. He looked awful with glassy eyes and tears streaming under the top of his cowl.

 “It’s not a good moment, Hal,” he squeezed out. “You should go.”

 Tears gathered in his eyes as he failed to contain another sob.

 Hal got up immediately, hovering above him worried. He moved to put his hand on his arm but Barry took a small step back. There was dried blood on his suit and on his face.

 “I’m serious– I probably won’t be able to– to do anything with myself tonight.”

 Hal gripped his gloved hand and maneuvered him on the couch. He was numb, his body acting like an obedient child. His legs were wobbling with each step and Hal got the idea how weak he must have felt if his strong tights were giving up. The weeping wasn’t silencing out and his shoulder trembled with every breath. The whole breathing lost regular frequency, catching the air like a lifebuoy.

 “What has happened?” Hal asked softly, lessening the distance between them. ”Bear?”

 He had never called him that before.

 “It was a pretty bad day,” Barry cried out. He looked up at him misty-eyed and Hal felt choked up.

 Hal took him into his arms, embracing around the shoulders. He stroked his back tenderly, trying to stop the shaking of his whole body. It was like a missing string - Barry burst into ugly tears, whimpering with the type of noise which would remain with Hal for a while. The sound was vibrant with the stillness of everything around them.

 His shirt started getting wet just from Barry’s ragged breathing and snivels.

 “Barry, talk to me,” he whispered, tightening the hold. “Please.”

 He started shaking his head, “It– It was a bad day.” Hal held him with his whole strength. ”I hate– I hate the world sometimes…”

 He sobbed in his arms for a solid hour. Hal caresses his shoulder blades, his back, his neck. Sometimes even his cheeks. His face was pink and teary from the exhaustion. In the end, Barry buried his face in his chest, leaning on Hal for support. He fell asleep with silent tears and choking on air.

 When Hal eyed him down, seeing his rested face he had the urge to take the cowl off and peck him all over his face. Peck his nose, his eyelids, his jaw, his forehead. His lips. Instead, he curled his palm around his neck, where normally he would touch the base of his hairline. He maneuvered them on the sofa so they could both rest. He watched him sleep, occasionally sniffing, how his jaw dipped into Hal’s chest.

 Barry was innocent in the purest way and innocent people were easy to break. Treasures to find but vulnerable ones.

 The next day, when he woke up, Barry was still shaken up and haggard from last night but managed to smile genuinely a few times.

 The day before, there was a double hostage situation at the same time, planned beforehand. Flash was exactly three seconds too late for the second one. At work, Barry examined new victim in the serial killer case with the pattern being raping and murdering young girls. The newest victim was a 14 years old girl who had worn a Flash-themed dress when the horror happened. He remembered vividly the blood on her clothes, bruises on her white skin, the fear in her eyes when she died. The whole week looked similarly. Barry had the breakdown mainly because of that.

 Hal wanted to ask him if the breakdowns were relapsing. He hadn’t since he was afraid of the answer or that the answer wouldn’t be truthful.

 Hal hated the world a lot.

 Making Barry eat breakfast, he realized it was the first time he had gone with someone through a breakdown since his mother got depressed after his dad’s death. It pushed him to think about Barry even more. About how much he was ready to do for him. ~~And about how he was ready to take the whole Barry, with burdens like that one.~~

 

***************

 “You remember that whole thing I talked to you about when we were drunk last time?” Hal asked.

 “ _You_ were drunk,” Oliver corrected.

 This time they didn’t drink. Much. On the side of the couch was a six-pack of Oliver’s favorite beer. They were sitting in one of the half-empty rooms and playing video games. Well, Hal was just getting his ass kicked. Dinah was training in mansion’s gym. Hal got the impression she was doing it on purpose, giving them space. He looked rather troubled when he appeared at the entrance of the mansion.

 “For the record, I’m not enjoying you talking about your gay crushes and sex life,” Ollie added.

 “Well, usually when I have problems I talk with Barry– Or Carol,” he retorted. “But this time problem is about Barry and I can’t exactly tell my on-again, off-again ex-girlfriend I need advice on wooing a guy. It leaves me you.”

 Oliver killed Hal’s character again and paused the game. He faced him unexcited, then he furrowed his forehead.

 “Barry? What Barry?”

 “The Flash,” Hal explained, cursing in his head. He was aware they weren’t exactly friends but even Dinah, acquainted with Barry, knew his first name.

 “So, what’s with it? With The Flash,” Oliver prodded. He took next bottle of beer.

 Hal bit his lip, “I may try it. The relationship with him, I mean.”

 Ollie opened his mouth but didn’t have any reply for a minute. He was honestly surprised, “You may? What happened to your dick not cooperating?” he paused. “Yuck, I haven’t thought I would ever use your dick in a sentence.”

 Hal ignored him totally and went on, “It’s not like sex is the most important in a relationship, right? We would take it slower, I guess.”

 “Yeah and what if the slower becomes an eternity?”

 “There are asexual people in the world, Ollie.” Hal looked at his hands, avoiding his gaze.

 “But the both of you are _not_ asexual. Is he even into guys?” he reasoned. Watching Hal withdrawing into himself was painful.

 “He is bisexual so, you know, I have a chance,” Hal said. “And I totally could kiss him. I actually think about kissing him a lot. It’s the fucking. Maybe it would come with time. Maybe I just need to try.”

 Oliver took a sip from the bottle – it was almost empty.

 “Do you remember when I got you to eat the snails?” he started suddenly.

 Hal scowled a little, “They tasted like baked oysters”.

 “That’s what you said,” Ollie continued. “The point is, sexuality is like that.”

 “Like oysters or like snails?” Hal was confused.

 “Like food, you idiot,” he grumbled. “Sometimes you _know_ if you like something and sometimes you have to try it to know. With better or worse results.”

 “I hope it won’t taste similar to the snails. They were inedible.”

 Oliver asked instantly, “And if it will?”

 He laughed without humor, his empty voice echoing in the room, “Then we will have a messy break-up, stop talking to each other, pick fights and I will have to move in with you because no one, except for Barry and you, wants me.”

 He raised an eyebrow. “It’s awfully optimistic,” he stated.

 “Well, I’m friends with you, aren’t I?” Hal deadpanned.

 Oliver smirked, barely for a moment. Both of them grabbed the controllers back, putting the beer away. He didn’t start the game straight away.

 “I met a girl named Barry once,” Ollie confessed. ”It didn’t go well, she had an ugly personality. Maybe your Barry is a girl too.”

 “It would make my life easier, dude, but no,” Hal snorted.

 They both burst out laughing.

***************

 So, yeah, Hal _didn’t_ know but fell in love with her anyway.


	2. In progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's cliche and it will be cliche but I wanted it this way so I have it this way. It's the shortest chapter out of the three and the last one is under construction now. I'm not sure how I will end it, we'll see.
> 
> Also, it takes place on the same imaginary Earth because timelines.
> 
> Oh, and I will be revising the chapters. I still don't know how edits and edits dates work on AO3 (like, will it be showed that I made edit or not and whatever) so...

 It’s not exactly after. It’s more like _in progress_.

 He should have suspected at least. He should have. Especially that night.

 It was a tiring week. There was Darkseid attack and Barry had problems with Zoom, and Hal was going back and forth between Green Lantern Corps and the Earth. Generally, it was a busy week.

 They were dying on the couch. Hal felt like it was literal dying.

 Barry was in comfy sweatpants lined with fluffy fake fur and in the top of his suit. He had thrown on a hoodie and the hood was getting into his eyes. Hal didn’t have the energy to go upstairs for spare clothes.

 The TV was on but neither of them watched it. Barry took two blankets from the cupboard under the stairs and made a jug of tea. They entwined their legs under the covers and Hal could feel his hip with his foot. Their knees bumped into each other, leaning onto each other for support. They got one cushion each and listened to  _the Godfather_ in the background from time to time. Hal groaned when Barry reached for the cup of tea on the coffee table. His every muscle screamed.

 Barry sat up straighter and held the tea with his hands. Hal’s feet moved and he touched the rough material of Flash’s suit that was sticking out from the sweatshirt.

 “You know, you could just wear the cowl when I’m here,” Hal said casually.

 Barry shuffled a bit and drew the cup closer to his chest.

 “It’s not a good idea,” he replied. “The secret identity...”

 He didn’t sound so sure. Hal kind of couldn’t get it - if he wanted to tell him, why hadn’t he? Bottling things up wasn’t healthy. Whatever secret he had, he would take him with open arms anyway. He usually didn’t insist on it but right there he was too tired for this bullshit. His eyes closed more with every thought, he was falling asleep in a middle of a conversation, he realized.

 “I don’t care,” he slurred. “I love you, Bear. Nothing will change that.” He turned to his side and hugged the pillow.

 He would blame tiredness for this confession later. For Barry, it was probably just the _love you_ you tell your brother. For Hal, it meant so much more and it was the only way he could admit it, to Barry and to himself.

 The silence longed for more than a few seconds and Hal closed his eyes. He vaguely listened to Barry’s deep breathing for a moment, imagining the rhythm of his heartbeat, his warm body next to him, Hal’s arms around his chest or waist. He was aware Barry was probably thinking with superspeed, he sometimes did it - his thoughts ran so deeply he was forgetting the others who were around him. The blanket moved and Hal knew he was grappling with it, nervous.

 Barry gulped and breathed loudly. Hal was a minute away from dozing off.

 “I should tell you something,” Barry whispered. “Something about my identity."

 Hal squinted but didn’t protest against the sleep. He nodded off, this time fully. He berated himself for it later. He should have stayed awake.

 Barry pretended to not remember the conversation in the morning.

***************

 To be honest there was a lot of signs before. Signs of Barry wanting to tell him.

 Barry had these _moments_. He got stuck in silence, thinking about various things with the speed of light. It may have been something common, normal, something Hal saw a lot on people who had dark past and life troubles. On people that are afraid of trusting and of _not_ trusting. On people who have something to _lose_. He didn’t realize it was Hal that Barry could lose until it was too late.

 It hurt Hal, to think that Barry’s trust was limited for Hal and applied only in some cases. It left him a bad taste, remembering Batman and Diana had the privilege of knowing  _the_ Barry with no secrets.

 It was like that - Barry would look at Hal, biting his lips, with wide open eyes and overanalyzing everything in his head. He would have this absent face, not really watching anything in the room. ~~Hal hadn’t noticed it until the day the secret was out~~. Hal would usually watch TV or prepare the food or do any of the millions of casual things. He would look in the other direction, have his back to Barry or concentrate on something.

 He wouldn’t see Barry’s face which showed how exactly he was fighting with himself or notice the quiver in Barry’s voice, or how his fists clenched so tight that his knuckles were white.

 Barry would gather the courage and say finally, “There is something I have to tell you.”

 Hal would hum blankly.

 Barry would take a deep breath and shuffle around, uneasy. “I– I’m–” he would start.

 Then he would choke on his own words, withdrawing into himself and lowering head, glancing at his lap. There would be a long silence that wouldn’t seem long at all.

 “I’m–” he would stutter. Hal would turn around and raise an eyebrow. Barry would gulp. “I’m just glad we’re friends,” he added at last.

 Hal would shrug.

 Of course, hours after the encounter, Hal would facepalm rapidly and bang his head on the first flat surface he could find. Every time. Every single one.

***************

 The way he was told the secret was cliché. Or the way the secret was out, to be exact, since Flash didn’t _tell_ him. Maybe the way wasn’t cliché, more like the situation they were in was. Like some fucked up fairytale and the Flash was a messy, alerted version of Cinderella or whatever.

 Hal never understood Lex Luthor. Or why he was still out of prison, even though he tries to kill Superman and take over the world, like, 3-4 times a year. It was probably the money, money was the answer to everything nowadays.

 So, Batman said that apparently Luthor knew their identities and they were invited to the gala he was hosting because otherwise - and it’s a quote - _there will be consequences_. Which could mean anything since supervillains are psychos.

 The plan was unpredictable. Or its details. Batman certainly had plan B, C, D and whatever but they were basically going to roll with it.

 Most of them, the original seven, well, minus Aquaman who had a kingdom to rule and wasn’t included in the invitation for the very same reason, knew each other’s identities. Just didn’t interact without the masks much.

 Wonder Woman was Diana Prince, a diplomat.

 Superman was Clark Kent, a reporter for Daily Planet.

 Martian Manhunter, J’onn J’onzz if you like, was John Jones, a detective.

 Aquaman was a king so let’s just skip it.

 Hal was just Hal, a test pilot.

 And Flash. Flash was Barry Allen, a CSI in Central City.

 (He was so much more, though. To Hal at least.)

 The only identity which wasn’t all that well-known was Batman’s. Hal wouldn’t be able to recognize him as his other persona but he was sure Diana and Clark could. And probably Flash.

 Well, J’onn was a telepath and it just left him and Arthur. For some reason Hal was 100% positive it just left him and his big mouth.

 The plan was plain and simple. Go to the gala. Be careful. React if something happens.

 After the team meeting, Barry caught up with him. Well, more like supersped his way into Hal’s apartment in Coast City. Hal was just getting milk out of the refrigerator when Flash, fully suited, showed up in his kitchen. Hal choked.

 Hal eyed him with a curious gaze. He almost expected to see him in civilian clothes. He didn’t know why.

 That’s not true. He knew why. Flash, on the soon to be gala, would have no more secrets. He would have to be just himself, not holding anything back, not hiding behind the red of his costume. Hal wanted to compare it to Barry being stark naked in front of him after years of being under the double layers of armor but thinking about Barry naked wasn’t the best idea.

 Anyway, Barry was standing a few feet away, fidgeting. He tried to lean on the countertop but hesitated and arched in the other direction. Hal raised an eyebrow.

 “Bar, what are you doing here?”

 Barry smiled shyly but it didn’t reach his eyes. He looked almost scared.

 “Hal,” he whispered. “Hal, I–”

 Hal waited but it never came.

 “Bar?” He took a couple of steps in his direction.

 Barry hunched his shoulder. His eyes wandered around the room and he sighed.

 “I have to tell you something,” he spat out.

 Hal opened his mouth. He realized what was this about. The gala was changing things and Barry was forced to show him everything, the right to privacy, to secrecy was taken away from him. Even if Hal was glad they would be clear, it was wrong. He never wanted Barry to be forced to confess anything, to be uncomfortable with Hal knowing. It may have been a long wait but he was willing to go through it. Barry was worth it.

 “Barry, you don’t have to tell me now,” he said. “Whatever it is, it not enough to get rid of me,” he reassured.

 “But it will _change_ things, Hal,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands.

 “Only if we let it,” he insisted. “And I won’t.”

 Barry swallowed, still scrutinizing his fingers, “Hal, it’s a big secret. _For you_ , it will be a big secret.”

 Staring at his face, the press of his lips, the wet, wide eyes. The brightness of his sky blue eyes was dimmed and his cheeks lurid. Hal had never wanted to see him like that, not because of him. He put his hands on Barry’s shoulders, his thumbs stroking his collarbones. For a moment there, he imagined taking Barry’s cheek in his hand, tilting his head and looking him in the eyes. He could see the way they would get closer and closer, and then Hal would bend his neck and kiss him. He blinked and sighed.

 “Then tell me on the gala. At least I won’t be able to make a scene, okay?” he said, partially to lighten the mood.

 It worked because Barry peeked at him with a barely-there smile. Hal wanted to hug him here and now.

 “Okay,” he answered.

 Hal gripped his shoulder a little tighter. “Now, do you want hot cacao? It’s the only thing I can make without going grocery shopping.”

 Barry grinned.

***************

 Hal was in his dark suit, wearing a green tie that matched his ring. He got used to the green color so much. He looked good, like a lady-killer he was. There was no denying he was attractive in an old pilot jacket and faded-out jeans - a dark grey dress shirt and black form-fitting suit trousers were making it prominent.

 Fashionable late, or not since it was only 20 minutes, he got the attention of a few girls immediately and started chatting. He was half aware of Batsy’s voice in the comm.

 He recognized Diana in the crowd easily. She looked stunning in her red, long dress. Her broad, tanned back was bare, her collarbone wide in the open, getting more attention than her curly hips or inky black, braided hair. She was smiling with a certain charm in the eyes.

 Clark was a little bit harder to find and kinda more surprising. He looked like every badly-paid reporter, with notebook in hand and crooked glasses that looked even cheaper than his suit. His tie matched his Kryptonian blue eyes. Hal was sure he tripped more than twice.

 He didn’t try to find J’onn. The man could transform into anyone.

 It left him Barry. He was really curious about how he would look. Hal imagined him a lot. All he was able to see with the cowl on were his baby blue eyes and strands of blond hair which sometimes gotten out near the eyebrows or ears. Hal was sure he spotted bangs.  Barry had the longest eyelashes he had ever noticed on a guy, creamy skin which highlighted every little mark on his face and plump lips. ~~Hal wanted to describe him as pretty~~. He may be a bit short, his forehead was just under Hal’s chin.

 Hal saw just a few flocks of the honey hair but they seemed soft. He kind of could picture himself, ruffling Barry’s head.

 Barry was lean, slim, even a bit too much, like all those haggard skinny guys who start in the marathons. He was narrow in general, maybe that’s why his hips seemed curvier than rest of his body. Hal noticed his ass. Perky, tight, like all the athletes usually have. He was a runner after all, with skin-tight pants of his suit it was obvious, when he wore sweats at home it looked fuller and wider. Hal sometimes compared his and Diana’s. Weird but Hal thought about Barry’s butt a little too much.

 He truly wanted to see him. Barry smiling, laughing so hard he had to bend his neck backward, his angelic hair getting into his eyes. Oh, yeah, his eyes narrowing while telling a joke but at the same time staying so bright, his eyebrows being so expressive.

 Hal wondered about his voice. He modulated it, first with vibrations and then with one of Batman’s inventions. It sounded warm anyway but the tone was strange, not matching. The sound of Barry’s clear voice was a mystery to him. He couldn’t imagine it even though he had tried countless times.

 He could picture Barry getting nervous or shy. His red cheeks making a contrast with milky skin. His hands going through his hair, ears showing more and more color. His pale eyelashes flattering, visible when he closes his eyes, embarrassed. This adorable blush and giggling lips.

 He wondered if sex drive would come with time. Maybe he had some internalized homophobia in himself after all. For now, he just admired parts of Barry that didn’t have to be strictly male. Maybe in a month, in a year or in the further future he would want _every_ part of him.

 Hal had this freaky desire to see him without the cowl, the mask. But Barry wasn’t on the gala. He didn’t see any dazzling blond man. Not someone who could be Barry. Maybe he wore some kind of camouflage.

 He turned his back under a pretext of putting his glass back on the table and asked, ”Where is Flash?”

 There was a moment of silence. “On position,” Barry replied shortly, voice modulated. Confusing.

 The whole entrance got noisy when Bruce Wayne arrived. Hal hated the guy but tried to hide his disgust, surrounded with quite nice ladies. He searched for Barry one more time since the crowd automatically placed itself near Wayne and lightened the place up.

 He almost missed that alluring gaze. Bruce Wayne’s date for the night was gorgeous.

 A petite blonde with a cute face, button nose. She looked out of place, not having stylized hair but short light curls, not smirking like all the other women but smiling softly, peeking at the hand she was holding onto. She didn’t even have all that much makeup.

 He got the vague feeling of resemblance. He didn’t know who the resemblance was to. ~~To Barry, said his mind, to Barry, but he ignored it because he saw Barry everywhere nowadays.~~

 He thought Diana sported her red dress but Wayne’s date was glorious in the deep blue one. The dress itself could be considered modest at the party like the gala. The skirt was as long as her legs, for the most part covering small heels she was wearing, making her a little taller. Her shoulder blades were in the open but her cleavage was hidden, neckline invisible. Her sleeves ended just above the elbows. On her sides, there were small flower patterns in slightly lighter blue, similar to the tiny gem of her necklace.

 She was skinny, looking tender just standing in the crowd of paparazzi. She truly _reminded_ him of someone.

 Her sky blue eyes, warm as the sun, were oddly familiar. They had this nice shape he recognized briefly, or rather strongly but not wholly. The shade had got stuck in his imagination but he didn’t know who he imagined so much with those eyes.

 She was also Bruce Wayne’s date. She didn’t seem to be the type of girl who would look for five minutes of fame at the side of playboy billionaire. She may have been his girlfriend for real.

 Wayne went deeper into the room and Hal couldn’t not watch the blush on her face, pink ears. She was so timid she held onto Wayne’s arm for dear life, staying overwhelmed with another step.

 Wayne bastard didn’t even spare her a glance.

 Hal tried not to stare. He turned his gaze to wander around the room. Diana looked at him with knowing eyes, smiling with laughter on the tip of her tongue. She raised an eyebrow. He pretended to not understand what her smirk meant.

 He hoped Clark hadn’t picked on his accelerated heartbeat.

 Reporters around Wayne were getting lost in the rest of the crowd, spreading in the room.

 The gorgeous blonde pulled on the sleeve of Wayne’s suit, catching his attention. Hal tightened his fist when she spoke to him with ease, lips curling kindly. He bent towards her to hear, hovering over her tiny body.

 He talked to her for a moment and she nodded to him, getting loose hair out of her eyes, behind her ear. She didn’t have a manicure and the hands seemed too slim, too smooth, not that familiar. Wayne gave her quick smile and she let go of his elbow. He rubbed her back, putting his hand around her waist for a second. The gesture rang a bell.

 He let go of her and she went away from the center of attention.

 Hal left two girls who fruitlessly wished to talk with him. It was instinct, going to talk even if the deal with her was simply her not ordinary looks and the feeling she was giving him, being familiar to ~~Barry~~ someone Hal had met. Blond hair and blue eyes could have just been his type.

 He tried to smile chivalrously but he may have just looked goofy. There were already a few people onto her – gossiping girls, reporters and flirting men. Hal ensured he was first.

 Up close she was even more gorgeous. There were faded brown freckles on her nose, jaw, and neck.

 Hal came nearer her, making sure she had noticed him. She hunched up a little but beamed at him warmly. He grinned back.

 “Hi” Hal started and cursed in his head. He should have started with a pick-up line and a great one to top it all off. “I don’t think I have seen you before on any of the galas.” Not that Hal was actually attending any.

 She glanced at her dress self-consciously.

 “It’s my first,” she answered. She had low, melodic voice. “And hopefully last.”

 Hal frowned.

 “I’ve seen you just now with Bruce Wayne,” he said, vaguely pointing in the direction of Wayne. If she was his girlfriend, Hal probably would have _zero_ chances of success in asking her out. “He your boyfriend?”

 She raised an eyebrow at him, holding a laugh behind her hand. It was a good sign. She even stopped being so nervous.

 “No, no,” she replied. ”Bruce is an old friend.”

 She looked him straight in the eyes and he got this impression she was telling an inside joke.

 “He _certainly_ has the luck to be friends with such a beautiful woman,” Hal said smoothly. “Is it possible for me to end up with at least your number tonight?”

 For a barely visible moment, she grimaced and shifted her weight from side to side. Then she smiled shyly, bridge of her nose and ears the color of raspberries. It mixed well with the sky in her eyes.

 “I think,” she narrowed her eyes, smirking good-naturedly, “you already have it.”

 There was something about her, something cozy, heart-warming. Maybe the credit for it went to her hair and eyes, and freckles, and creamy skin.

 “I take it you won’t have to go back to Wayne anytime soon?” he asked, just to be sure.

 She tilted her head to the side, touching the necklace with her long fingers. She glimpsed at Wayne who was still smooth talking the reporters and other guests. Her gaze was misty a bit but she didn’t seem disappointed. She turned to Hal.

 “Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p’. “I guess it just leaves me with you.”

 She looked a bit uncomfortable with his pseudo flirting so he tried to tone it down. She moved a few steps to the side, closer to the tables.

 There, standing a foot or two away from her, Hal hesitated. It weirdly felt like cheating even if he wasn’t Barry’s boyfriend. At the same time, there was something about her, something that pulled Hal in her direction, some invisible force which made her the center of gravity in the room. It may sound cliché but she was different than all the girls, she seemed purer. Maybe it was his internalized homophobia telling him he liked girls and not Barry. It was all a bit fucked up.

 He couldn’t stop thinking he had met her before.

 And she didn’t look smitten like half of the women he talked to. She was a bit playful but it wasn’t exactly a flirty demeanor - her shoulders were tense and her gaze was running away from Hal’s eyes.  He would say she was scared if not for the way she talked with him. Freely, opened up, not afraid to give a comeback. Like she was familiar with him.

 “I will try my best,” he said finally.

 She tilted her head to the side, looking up through her eyelashes. Hal blinked, seeing Barry just for a moment there. His subconscious had pangs of conscience apparently.

 He tried to talk to her, to make moves on her in a more subtle way. Just to prove he _could_. He _could_ charm her.

 He wasn’t fooling anyone, himself included. It was awkward and after a few minutes, he got the feeling she was interested, even though she didn’t want to engage too much. She was on the edge of being uncomfortable and entranced at the same time. It looked bad but Hal wasn’t a quitter.

 Their awkward chat was interrupted by Luthor getting on the stage and initiating his speech.

 Hal had barely opened his mouth to make a joke about the host when he heard Batman, “Everyone two floors down, ETA five minutes max.”

 Something had to show on his face because she glanced at him with an unreadable grimace, furrowing her eyebrows and crinkling her nose, pouting. She moved, creating a clear distance between them. Abruptly, she gathered a determined spark in her eyes.

 She smiled shyly at him and she looked innocent again, “I should get going. We both should.”

 Before he could collect his thoughts, she started on walking away, towards Wayne.

 “But– Your number–” he protested.

 She turned to him, rolling her eyes at him with an unsure but fond smile. She sighed, folding her arms across her chest almost protectively.

 “See you down there, Hal,” she said and quickened the pace.

 She absently waved her hand at him and then it hit him. There was a big, shiny goldish yellow ring on her finger. He realized he hadn’t introduced himself.

  _What_.

 Of course, he saw her holding Wayne’s elbow and going in the direction of the stairs. He gaped at the empty space they left behind and probably wouldn’t have moved if not for Diana nudging his arm.

 Downstairs, Clark explained that Luthor knew he was listening on with his superhearing and ordered them to get down, the whole six of them. Getting into the right room - an empty lab - Hal counted them all.

 There was he, Diana, Clark. There was a dark-skinned man with features alike J’onn in his Martian form. And there she was, the pretty blonde. There was Wayne too, and no Barry. Hal had just one possible answer and it was also the one which _wasn’t_ possible, right?

 So, yes, an hour later in the debriefing room in the Watchtower, sitting opposite that pretty blonde who still wore her dress from the gala, he was stunned. He even ignored _Wayne_ who took Batman’s chair. She wasn’t looking at him, not for a second.

 Diana broke the silence, “See, Bruce, I told you Barry would look better in cobalt than in sea blue.”

 Wayne rolled his eyes. “Serious matters, Wonder Woman.”

 She smirked, “Well, being serious, I think Hal is in shock.”

 Everyone turned his gaze, except for the blonde, at him. He needed to open his mouth and reply something but he didn’t know how. Wayne raised an eyebrow.

 “I think he didn’t know that Bruce Wayne is Batman. Flash in the dress may have been too much for him,” Diana was amused.

 Clark sent him a sympathetic glance. Hal didn’t understand why he needed sympathy. J’onn eyed Hal and Barry separately and then together.

 The blonde, Barry, peeked at him with shy, concerned smile. He– She brushed her hair back with her hand and mouthed something. It could be _sorry_ or _Hal_ or _you okay?_ or anything - Hal stopped thinking, “You’re _a girl_.”

 He– She shrugged.

 Hal couldn’t turn his gaze. Bat– Wayne smirked absently and Diana giggled. Clark was sending him even more sympathetic looks. Hal hoped that at least J’onn wasn’t eavesdropping on his thoughts.

 Wayne cleared his throat, “Back to the Luthor.”

***************

 She didn’t explain anything and he didn’t demand an explanation. He left the Watchtower alone, feeling like his heart was just torn out of his chest. It was a bad and a good feeling simultaneously. Because Flash was a girl, a woman. They didn’t talk and went their separate ways - Hal got back to his shitty, empty and dirty apartment and started on _moping_.

 He should be angry. He should. They knew each other for years and he practically lived with him– her in the same house. They were supposed to be best friends, the closest of close friends. Hal even thought he had a chance with him– her. It had to mean something. _It_ _had to_.

 He hadn’t visited _her_ since then. Of course, he was brave and had the _willpower_ so he finally did visit her.

 He wasn’t fearless though, he came to his– her house while she wasn’t there. She was at work. He was lying on the couch and pretending he wasn’t nervous.

 The doors opened about 6 PM and Hal got up in seconds. Of course, Barry was a speedster and the blur of him went before his eyes and Barry was upstairs. Hal adjusted his gray shirt and smoothed his hair to berate himself for it moment later.

 He heard her steps on the stairs, made at normal speed. He– She usually did that - coming home she slowed down and relaxed, playing an ordinary person. Hal felt something in his chest because it was such a normal thing for Barry - because  Barry, no matter what gender, was Barry. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t all that angry - she wasn’t cruel, manipulative person, she wasn’t doing it on propose, she was still _Barry_ and it wouldn’t change. Hal fell in love with the way she was, not really caring about the gender in the end. She wouldn’t have done all this if she hadn’t had a reason.

 He saw her for the first time in her casual clothes and wondered again how he hadn’t figured it out before. She wasn’t even looking all that different - she was wearing the same too loose sweatpants as usually, she had too big men’s T-shirt which slipped off her shoulders, showing straps of her sports bra. She tied her hair in small, messy bun. Her features were feminine, delicate and the way she acted, she talked, she carried herself in general– He couldn’t believe himself, how he hadn't noticed?

 Maybe it was easy to overstep, maybe if you were sure of something, took it for a fact without checking - like you know the sun is yellow and don’t ask - maybe then you assumed and it stuck. Saying his hips were pretty wide for a guy was easier to state than saying her hips were pretty narrow for a girl. The same applied to soft, gentle features, sensitive personality and everything else. Why would he ask himself if Barry was a man? He simply was. Or had been.

 She wasn’t the most beautiful girl he had seen but she was the cutest, the most unusual.

 When she noticed him, she froze.

 “Hal? What–” she started. “Have you been waiting long?”

 He opened his mouth but nothing came out of them so he just shook his head.

 She rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes. Suddenly, he realized how tired she looked. There were bags under her bloodshot eyes and she was even paler than normally.

 “Did you– Do you want to talk?” she asked. She took a step but swayed midway. Hal instinctively held out his arms, as if to catch her.

 “Are you alright? You don’t look too good,” he stated. He tried not to sound too worried.

 She sent him a weak smile, the one that never reached her eyes.

 “Yeah,” it wasn’t too assuring.

 “Are you sure you shouldn’t be resting?” he insisted.

 “I _am_ sure. Do you want coffee? I was going to eat some food.”

 He couldn’t say no even if he stayed concerned for her.

 Following her into the kitchen, he hovered a bit like she could faint any moment. She made him coffee and took some sandwiches out of the fridge. They sat in their normal places, on the opposite sides of the kitchen table they usually ate breakfast or dinner. She munched on the wholemeal bread.

 This time, her eyes wouldn’t leave his. She watched him, not turning from his face, observing his every move. It wasn’t like in the debriefing room, he had her whole attention. She looked stressed out but started getting relaxed since he showed up. She brushed some of her hair back with her fingers.

 Hal tapped the cup in a lazy frequency. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” he broke the silence.

 She looked down at her hands for the first time.

 “It's not that I don’t trust you,” she answered instantly.

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows. He knew it without her telling him. “Then why?”

 “I didn’t trust you at the beginning,” she said. “And after that, it wasn’t all that easy. It changes everything and _no one_ likes changes, Hal.”

 God, his name sounded so right in her voice.

 “Let’s say I understand why you didn’t tell me deep into the friendship, not everyone is as  courageous as me.” She smirked at that. “But why didn’t you correct me at the beginning? I was calling you _dude, guy,_ and many other things.”

 She sighed. “First of all, it’s still my secret identity,” she started. “Second of all, to be honest, I didn’t want you to know I’m a woman.

 Hal was lost. “What?”

 She took a sip of her tea and licked her lips. Hal was trying not to get distracted.

 “Do you remember the first time you’ve met Diana?”

 He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, what it has to do with anything?”

 “First you stared at her ass as if it was a piece of meat and then you flirted with her knowing she is not interested,” she explained without explaining anything. “You do that with every more or less pretty woman.”          

 “I don’t,” he protested.

She rolled her eyes. “Me putting on a dress was enough for you. You didn’t even ask for my name,” she pointed out.

 He wanted to say it was only because she reminded him of Flash, of Barry he thought she wasn’t, but he neither knew how to phrase it, nor thought it would be a good idea to admit he fancied her _because she was Barry_. Even thinking about it was complicated.

 “Hal, to put it mildly, I hate _flirts_ ,” she spat out. “And when I met you, you were just that, a flirt with saving-the-world kind of powers.”

 It hurt to listen to it, like someone was stabbing him with a rusted knife and throwing a salt at the wounds at the same time. Maybe because she was right, maybe because it sounded a lot like the end.

 “Then you started talking with me and you thought I was a man, and I got to know you and you weren’t a dickhead I thought you were,” she added. “I wanted to be friends with you. The time passed and it was harder and harder to tell you. I didn’t want you to act around me like you did on the gala.”

 Hal caught her gaze and couldn’t let go. “I won’t.”

 “But won’t you really?” she asked with something dark in her voice.

 “I won’t,” he promised. “I’m not like that, not since Carol.” _Not since you_ , he had on the tip of his tongue.

 He should have told her, confess the truth but there was so much uncertainty between them, so much awkwardness which wasn’t there before. It felt like a break-up without actually being together.

 “If you forgive me, I still want to be friends with you, Hal.”

 It was a weight off his mind, to be truthful. Looking at her exhausted face, reddish eyes and white skin, he couldn’t imagine his life without her. He would just have to take it step by step.

 “There is nothing to forgive, being honest,” he said. _I should be sorry I didn’t realize how gorgeous of a girl you are,_ he held back. “I feel like an idiot a bit but it’s not uncommon.”

 She gave him a tired grin.

  “I meant what I had said before the gala,” he added. “You won’t get rid of me that easily. Just no more secrets, okay?”

 “No more secret,” she repeated.

 Hal stalled for a second. “Unless you have things you didn’t tell me?”

She chuckled. “No, no. Only some private things that didn’t come out in a conversation.”

 “ _Private things_ ,” Hal emphasized.

 “You know, you don’t start talking about your dead parents, it sometimes gets mentioned but never–”

He understood. They both had some of this kind of _secrets_.

 It was awkward, it was a bit upsetting. It was changing things but it wasn’t as scary as she thought it would be, Hal hoped. Because she was Barry and it didn’t matter if she was a woman, a man or a liar in the end.

 She rubbed her forehead.

 “You should go to sleep,” he said.

 She put her hands on the table and Hal almost took them into his own. Almost.

 “No, I should go lie down on the couch with you and pretend to watch the _M*A*S*H_ marathon when in reality we will both be napping.”

 There were loose hairs in her eyes and Hal wanted to reach them and tuck them behind her ear.

 Instead, he said, “I will get the blankets.” And smiled.

***************

 It changed things but for Hal, it was a good change.

 

 

EDIT: 29/03/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part is kinda far away from being finished. I had the storyline and started on but it will be long and probably ready to post in a week or two
> 
> Idk what more to write here so I guess thanks for reading


	3. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long. Really long. Which is kind of scary since the story doesn't move forward much.
> 
> And do note that I changed the tags, mostly adding characters because I wasn't thinking about the future while posting the first chapter. So, yes, look at the tags.
> 
>  
> 
> _If any kinds of assaults are triggering you, yhm, there is a part of a chapter you should skip, there will be double *** before it._

 Hal had the most interesting conversation with Diana after finding out about Barry.

 She burst into laughter when she saw him in the Watchtower. Hal and his falling in love was hilarious. Well, she thought it was at least. She was laughing more than five minutes. _Bruce_ , as Hal was supposed to call him, smirked in this calm, patronizing way.

 Of course, Arthur hid his face in his hand, trying not to giggle at Hal’s expression. J’onn sighed, not really getting the grip on the situation. It wasn’t as funny as everyone thought, not for Hal.

 Saying that he remembered the sleepless nights, the random phone calls to Ollie or the overall confusion in his mind and body. All caused by his _sexuality crisis_. He hadn’t known about Barry but it didn’t mean they had to make fun of him, he felt like an idiot without it. They hadn’t let it go for a long time.

 Then, after the actual team meeting, Diana snatched him and took to some empty room, and asked, “How did it go?”

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows. “How did go what?”

 “She said yes, right?” she asked. When Hal continued to stare at her dumbly, she added, “You asked her out, right?”

 “No,” he spat out, totally weirded out and baffled. “Why would I?”

 She swatted him upside the head. “You _idiot_ , why didn’t you ask her out? You’re supposed to be fearless!”

 Hal held his arms up in a peaceful gesture. “Wait, wait. What’s this about?”

 Diana laughed without humor in it. “Oh, please. We all know you’re in love with her.”

 He wanted to protest, opened his mouth and closed it again. He nodded. There was no denying it anymore, he was transparent anyway. He should have expected it.

 “Why didn’t you?” she insisted.

 He looked to the side, to the black space outside and the small shape of the moon in the distance.

 “You were in love with her _without_ knowing. Now that you know, there is nothing holding you back,” she added.

 Hal kinda knew how it must have looked. Him loving her while thinking she was a man and then not confessing to her after finding she was not a man.

 He wasn’t surprised when Diana looked at him with wide eyes, “Are you...?”

 “I’m not gay,” he said firmly and then regretted it. He wasn’t all that sure anymore. “Or not wholly. I don't know, okay, let’s leave it.”

 She snorted, grinning but remembered what they were talking about a few seconds before. She furrowed her eyebrows.

 “I don’t understand,” she stated. “Then why aren't you together already?”

 _Well, first of all, she would have to actually like me back_ , he thought. He didn’t answer. Diana looked at him expectantly, clenching her jaw, more and more impatient. Hal sighed.

 “Listen, I don’t want her to–” he started. Wording it and admitting out loud was hard. “I don’t want her to think it’s just because she is _a she_.”

 Diana made a face which said how much of incomprehensible rumbling was what he told her. She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms. She was generally confused.

 “She doesn’t like flirting,” he explained. “She doesn’t like imposing men and she is uncomfortable with any kind of hitting on. I don’t want her to take it the wrong way. I’m not like that with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me. So I will wait a bit.”

 Diana froze, eying him suspiciously. She stared at him for a long time, not saying anything but having her mouth opened. She was seriously taken aback, raising her eyebrows and gazing Hal up and down.

 “Hal,” she practically whispered with strange breathlessness. He had never heard her like that. “Hal, it’s very sweet of you.”

 Sweet wasn’t the word he would use but sure.

 “You’re a good guy. Barry is lucky to have you,” she said finally, awed.

 It sounded as if they had already been together, Barry and he.

***************

 It was still awkward a bit at times. Hal was still forgetting to call her _she, her_. He wasn’t used to seeing her in long pencil skirts and pink dress shirts she wore to work or hearing her soft feminine voice, or noticing straps of her bra on her collarbone.

 There was this one time Hal came after she had just woken up and she was wearing loose nightshirt instead of her stripped PJs. He was bright red just noticing her smooth tights and then almost squealed when she reached for the tea on a higher shelf, her flat, delicately toned tummy exposed to the cold air and her blue underwear out in the open.

 He was blushing even brighter when he saw her ready to go to an expensive jazz concert with Iris. He saw her in a cotton candy pink dress. It wasn’t all that special but her waist, her wide hips, and shoulders were bright as day under the skin-tight material. Hal had been watching TV before but after she had come downstairs, the basketball game blurred into background noises. He couldn’t turn his eyes away from her, she was a stunning woman and it became prominent at that moment. He stared at her slipping on high heels and black bomber jacket, smiling at him, tucking strands of hair behind her ear. She was going to be the death of him.

 Hal hadn’t felt like that since he was sixteen years old teenager with a huge crush on Amanda Springs who liked him back and then, on their fourth date, Amanda asked him to go home with her because her parents were in Canada.

 Hal should have been angry at Barry but he was relieved more, not having to go through sexuality crisis anymore. He may be biromantic or something but it didn’t matter because Flash was a _woman_ and he could have a _heterosexual_ relationship with her.

 It was Tuesday and Hal had a day off after a successful plane show test for the army. He got a big contract for Carol and felt like going out. Carol asked him if he wanted to go to the bar and it sounded suspiciously like a date so Hal spat out he would like to take Barry out on a dinner. Carol looked at him strangely and Hal maybe two hours later realized why. She probably thought he was suddenly engaging in gay relationships - Barry's name, after all, was Barry. Maybe a few years back he would be sickened a bit but now he didn't really care. That was the way Barry changed his life.

 Of course, it was Tuesday so he waited for Barry in her house because she had an actual stable full-time job. Theoretically, he could visit her at the station but it seemed wrong, even if he knew _the_ secret of secret identity now. He wasn’t her boyfriend or anything and she probably hadn’t ever talked about him with her coworkers.

 So he stayed on her sofa, drinking a small bottle of beer she tended to have just for him since some time ago.

 It was three o’clock when someone started to struggle with the keys at the front door. Obviously, it wasn’t Barry, she was still at work and she would have done it _faster_.

 He heard a click of the door and through the corridor doorframe came an older man with greyish blond hair. He was kinda short and in a dress shirt and a jacket, with gun holsters on both of his sides. Hal didn’t even get to sit up properly and the man was holding one of the guns aimed at him. Hal could only raise his hands up. He considered the way to knock that guy out with a construction but it would out him. Then it enlightened him.

 The man used the key. He either spyed it was under the doormat or he was someone Barry knew.

 “What are you doing in my daughter’s house?” he demanded.

 Hal was taken aback. The man, except in the eye and hair color, didn’t resemble Barry at all. There was also that thing when Hal assumed her parents were dead like in every sad superhero backstory. She implied it a few times.

 “What– You’re Barry’s dad?” he asked. “I’m her _friend_.”

 The guy was more confused than him. His jaw was slack open and he frowned. His hold on the gun stopped being so tense and he wavered a bit.

 He sighed. “You are Hal, aren’t you?”

 Hal raised an eyebrow. “I am, I guess,” he answered hesitantly. Being Hal Jordan wasn't always a good thing. “Yhm, could you– The gun–”

 He glanced at his hands. “Oh,” he realized, “Sorry, cop’s habit.” He put the gun back in the holster and took off his jacket, setting it on the sofa’s back.

 Of _fucking_ course, Barry’s dad was a cop. Where could such a righteous person get her righteousness from than from another righteous person? Hal knew a few cops. She probably wasn’t a cop herself because her dad didn’t want her to go for such a dangerous career. So she went for forensic scientist instead.

 So, yes, Barry’s cop dad was just alone with him in her house. It was awkward. Well, for Hal, her dad just went to the kitchen like it was normal and Hal could hear the rustling of plastic bags he noticed on the countertop when he arrived and the refrigerator opening. Barry’s old kettle was on.

 He came back to the living room with two cups in hand and a plate of chopped vegetables and hummus. Hal sat straighter. Barry’s dad lay down on the armchair near Hal and peeked at the news in the TV, handling him one of the cups. It had hot tea.

 “Thanks, uhm–” Normally, Hal didn’t have a problem with referring to older people as you or with not using titles. His mom taught him that when he was young but as an adult he quickly forgot. But now, he had to add, “Mr. Allen.”

 Barry’s dad sent him a weird glance.

 “My name is Darryl Frye,” he said. “Hasn’t Barry told you? I’m her adoptive dad.”

 It explained a lot.

 “He doesn’t talk about family much,” Hal admitted.

 Darryl looked at him even more weirded out. Hal, of course, had to call her he in the worst moment possible.

 “I mean, she doesn’t– She was kinda secretive until recently,” he slurred.

 Barry’s dad looked him in the eyes with a curious gaze.

 “As opposed, she talks about you a lot. She hasn’t had male friends since college. Are you her boyfriend or something?”

 Hal burnt his tongue on the tea and coughed suggestively.

 “Uhm, no, not yet,” he replied.

 Darryl raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his drink. “ _Not yet_ , huh?” He smirked into the cup.

 Hal didn’t know what to say to that. The truth was, guys like him are nightmares of fathers like Darryl. He was a handsome heartbreaker who could have any girl he wanted and was aware of it. He was insecure and had trust and commitment issues. He wasn’t, and won’t be, a boyfriend material by any standards.

 “Well, you are an actual _male_ friend of hers. She likes you,” Darryl said. “So you have better chances than half of the male population.”

 Hal didn’t know what it had meant but he felt it was important.

 The next half an hour was the most awkward and nervous half an hour in Hal’s life. They sat on the couch until Darryl got a call from the station that he was needed in Leawood.  
(The strangest thing is, Barry told him a few days later that Darryl definitely took a liking to him.)

***************

 Hal always thought that, except for the secret identity, Barry was an open book. It was right if you meant her personality but there was a lot of things he got to know after the reveal. About some of them, he asked.

 “What is Barry short for?”

 Barry, who was just in the middle of a boxing session with pizza dough, stilled.

 “What?” she answered confused. “It is short for something, sure, but I don’t understand how you’d know that. It’s not like anyone uses the full version, thank god.”

 Hal leaned his head on his elbows, gazing at Barry’s face. It was a bit sweaty and with flour all over it.

 “You know, Barry isn’t the most feminine name I’ve heard,” he said jokingly.

 She sent him a short smile but looked to the side. Her back tensed.

 “Just don’t laugh,” she told him.

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows and licked his lips. Her arms’ muscles flexed.

 “Why would I?” he questioned.

 “My full name is Bartholomew Henry Allen,” she admitted. “After my grandfather and my dad.”

 Hal held back a chuckle and coughed to hide it. He didn’t expect that.

 She sighed, “My parents thought I would be a boy to the very end and no one told my dad I’m not while he was filling the papers,” she added. “And apparently Bartholomew is a unisex name.”

 Hal smiled but not because it was funny. She barely talked about her parents and usually she sounded just sad.

 “It’s nice,” he said.

 She gave him a look. She wasn’t convinced, “ _Hal_ ,” was what he heard after the look. “We both know it’s not.”

 “No, really, I genuinely like it,” he insisted. At this point, he wasn’t surprised. He liked practically everything about her, warts and all. “It has a story behind it and it’s a good conversation starter.”

 She looked down at her hands. “It’s the only thing I have left after my parents.”

 He blinked. He would have never thought about it this way but it was true. If her biological parents were dead, the only thing which stayed with her no matter what, would be her name. Maybe there were physical matters, like the house, but they were changing, adjusting. And her name wasn’t.

 “My full name is Harold if you want to feel better,” he supplied.

 She beamed at him, tucked her loose hairs behind her ear and threw a handful of flour at him. Hal smirked.

 Of course, there were _the private things_ he learned by chance. There were many of them, every one unique and very important to Hal. Sometimes it wasn’t even that huge of a secret. Which didn’t change anything because the smallest details were important with Barry.

 He went to her house after a workday - the normal work, not as a space cop - or more like after a called off workday, since it was Saturday and Carol decided the testing can wait until Monday, even if the work plan had already had a delay of three days. Anyway, he went to her excited for the whole weekend together. Of course, he saw her while she was getting ready at the front door. She was just putting on her shoes and a black jacket was laying on the floor. There was a small, wristlet bag.

 The weirdest thing was that she looked more girly than he’d ever seen her.

 It wasn’t that she wasn’t girly in general - her clothing choices weren’t exactly the definition of feminine. A few pencil skirts for work, which still weren’t her most common choice for work and were mostly replaced by dress pants or a better-looking pair of jeans, dresses for dinner dates with Iris - that’s where her femininity ended. She had short hair, usually messed up by the wind, and quite a nice silhouette, with a visible waistline and eye-catching, long legs. Well, you would be able to see it if she didn’t wear men’s shirts three times too big to fit her or loose sweatshirts, or boyfriend jeans. She wasn’t too curvy, not like the girls Hal had usually dated but she definitely wasn’t as flat as a pancake.

 Hal, because he was Hal, smitten with her to no end, found her beautiful just like that - natural. And you had to admit, she had a certain charm, certain cuteness, loveliness. She wasn’t a model, sure, but she was better than a model.

 Seeing her in baby blue, tent dress with halterneck and leggings, Hal got the feeling she was going on a date. But she didn’t strike him as the type that would doll up for dates and it was easier to think she was single, so no, _she wasn’t going on a date_.

 “Are you going out?” he asked her without saying _hello_ beforehand.

 She scratched her arm, uncomfortable. She got more and more antsy with every second Hal stood in the corridor. There was dead silence.

 “I’m going to visit my dad, Hal,” she replied finally, not looking him in the eyes.

 Hal couldn’t ignore the reservation, _the resignation_ in her gaze. She hunched her shoulders and sighed, hiding her face behind her bangs.

 “I’m not going to be in the mood for comedy movies or drinking beer after that,” she added.

 Hal frowned, putting his hands in his pockets. “What? Why? I don’t understand, is Darryl–”

 He honestly couldn’t think about anything bad about Darryl. He didn’t know him but he seemed like a good father and Barry often told him so.

 She rubbed her forehead. It looked as if Hal was giving her a huge headache.

 “I’m going to visit my biological dad,” she explained. She hesitated a bit but added, “In the prison.”

 Hal looked at her dumbly. Not being subtle, he spat out, “I thought he was dead.”

 Barry, honest to god, laughed. It was more of a cackle and short but Hal heard it loud and clear. Also, it was the most _I’m-tired-of-life_ sound he had ever heard. Worrisome, to see her like that.

 “Yeah, for some people it would be easier,” she snorted.

 He didn’t know what it meant. He got that feeling around her a lot.

 “Seriously, Hal, I will probably waste the whole night on revising old case files and it’s the weekend, you should have fun.”

 When Hal didn’t say anything, she raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

 “What?” she asked. It was the first time she had seemed rude.

 It wasn’t Hal’s best moment, apparently, because he said, very _tactfully_ , “I just didn’t think your father would be in–”

 She gave him an annoyed look. “In prison?” she supplied. “Well, he murdered my mom or whatever.”

 Then, she put on her jacket and passed Hal with fisted hands.

 He hadn’t had time to say anything before she added, “You know where the keys are.” And she closed the doors, almost hitting Hal’s face with them.

 He honestly stood there for five minutes not really processing the information of what had just happened.

 Hal did understand her reaction. Having her father, the biological one, in prison was one of those things you don’t say willingly and if it did come out, there would be comments. Not pleasure ones and not understanding ones too. She was probably tired of explaining _why_ , like it was anyone’s business in the first place. And it wasn’t a big deal either, everyone has some relative in prison or some relative who should be in prison. Hell, Hal was that relative in his family.

 The thing he didn’t understand was why she was visiting him if _he had murdered her mom._

 Of course, Hal wasn’t a quitter so he stayed. And if she really got back in a bad mood, he would be there not to allow it to happen. He sat at the kitchen table, listening to the vintage radio Barry loved and reading all of the old science magazines she had been piling on the top of the fridge. He drank one beer and then decided to make a fast lemonade instead of another beer or the tea.

 It was maybe two hours and six boring newspapers later when he heard the front doors opening. The key rattled thrown to the bowl that was hanged next to the clothes hanger. Hal didn’t move from his place, listening to her sighing. There was a moment of silence, prominent in the open space of the house. Hal could even hear her breathing.

 Finally, there were steps on the carpet in the living room and frustrated yell. And then there was a clunk. He got up.

 Standing in the doorframe to the living room, he saw her shuffling the coffee table, the horrible bang was made by its wooden legs.

 “Maybe I will do it instead?” he offered, leaning on the doorframe. “Whatever you’re doing with the furniture, I mean.”

 She jumped up a bit and put her hand on her chest as if searching for her fast beating heart.

 “ _Hal_ ,” she snapped. “Don’t scare me like that.”

 He smiled sheepishly.

 She turned to face him fully. “Why didn’t you leave? I told you I won’t be in the–”

 “–mood, yes, you did,” he finished for her. “But there is no better person to improve your mood than me, too. So I stayed.”

 He gazed at her with all the warmth he had in his chest, not bothering with looking anywhere else. She sighed again and smiled, unsure. Her eyes were a bit wet but Hal pretended not to notice it. He had the urge to tuck her hairs behind her ear and caress her cheek.

 “What I’m supposed to do, then?” he asked.

 She pouted and folded her arms. “Usually, I move the table to the wall, the armchairs to the side and the couch next to the stairs,” she admitted. “To have clear, flat space.”

 Hal guessed the _usually_ meant _after I had visited my father in prison_ or something. He had never found her with the furniture out of place, even when he hadn’t called before arriving but maybe it was just his luck.

 He made a big construction of a hand and grabbed the couch.

 Barry yelled, “ _Hal_ , I have wide windows!”

 Hal blinked but called off the construction, “And?”

 She gave him a look, “And my neighbors will see.”

 “And?” he repeated.

 She yelled at him again but her lips almost smiled, “Hal!”

 “Bear, give me a break, I may be the man in this house but I ain’t Superman.”

 He probably looked like a fool with that stupid grin on his face. He couldn’t not grin, not with her having this spark in her eyes, all thanks to him too. He wanted nothing more in the world, really.

 “Okay, okay, I will do it for you the normal way,” he said finally, scratching his neck. “Go make the tea.”

 “The tea?” she asked.

 “Come on, you always drink the tea,” he teased. “You should have been born English or something.”

 She chuckled a quietly and rolled her eyes. “You know it’s a stereotype-ish, right?”

 “ _Right_ , totally right,” he said.

 She giggled. She tilted her head to the side, gazing at him with a certain nostalgia, he would say, but it was something different, something deeper. It made him feel hot and sweaty all of sudden.

 Barry took a long breath. Stepping in Hal’s direction with calmed expression, at peace, her smile widened. She stopped next to him, on the other side of the doorframe and looked up to him through her eyelashes. Even though she was so angry just a few seconds ago, her baby blue eyes were restful.

 “Thanks, Hal,” she said softly.

 She took a step forward and hugged him. She didn’t meet his gaze and Hal didn’t know what to do with his hands. Barry didn’t let him go for some time, sniffling. Hal didn’t want to let her go but he did.

 She went to make the tea and Hal folded his sleeves. There was furniture to move.

 Maybe ten minutes later Barry put the tea on the windowsill and left for the cupboard under the stairs. She came back with three carton boxes that Hal had never seen the cupboard.

 Her whole demeanor changed after that. There was so much determination and so much resignation in her at the same time. It looked wrong on her, sad.

 She threw out the insides of one box on the floor. There were tons of photos, various angles of the same things, patterns of blood or a body. Hal couldn’t understand how she was able to look at things like that every day.

 He filled her a cup of tea when she sat down on the carpet. She took a pile of paper out of the second box. Then, she reached inside it again and took out a worn out, girly hair clip with a daisy on it. She clipped her bangs to keep it out of her eyes.

 Hal handed her the tea when she started putting the pictures on the floor, one by one in sync. He didn’t say anything when he sat down on the carpet next to her. There were seven rows of the photos and she started segregating the third box, piling the black and white photocopies depending on what was on them - a knife, a bloody flannel shirt, piece of some plastic or fabric.

 She stared at the pictures with a numb face, not moving except for clenching her fists. Hal handed her the tea again. She moved one of the photos, the one with the victim's body, all in a poodle of blood and pale, with dead blue eyes.

 Hal licked his lips. “What are you doing exactly?” he asked weakly.

 Barry took her eyes off the photos, gripping the cup and glancing at Hal.

 “I’m trying to find the killer,” she said. “My father didn’t do this.

 There was a moment he thought about Darryl but he remembered what she said him earlier - she meant the biological one, the one that was in prison for murdering her mom. As she had said, she was revising old case files. Her mom’s case old files. The woman, the victim, was her mother. How could she look at those pictures with such calmness?

 “You don’t believe me too,” she accused him with hurtful gaze when Hal stayed silent.

 “No, I do, I do,” he said. “It’s just– I realized that it’s– it’s–”

 He vaguely pointed at the photos of the victim.

 “My mom, yes,” she replied.

 She held one of the pictures closer, grimacing. She closed her eyes and put it back down, reliving it.

 “I found her,” she admitted. “With my dad. But he didn’t do it.”

 “You were there,” Hal said. “I had no reason to believe otherwise.”

 She sent him a shy smile that became wider when Hal spoke up again, “I want to help.”

 “There is not much to help with. I didn’t move with the case in the last three years,” she explained. “But you can segregate the notes.” She reached for the pile of paper that was in the second box. “The dates are usually in the left top corner.”

 So Hal started segregating police reports and Barry’s notes. Until he found ones without dates. He showed them to Barry, stopping her counting of the photos.

 “Oh,” she said. “They are useless anyway, I did them a long time ago.”

 Hal stared at them for a moment. “But it’s not your handwriting.”

 It was a bit embarrassing but he could recognize her handwriting when he saw it. The one on the notes had similar a’s and d’s but it wasn’t hers.

 Barry bit her lip. “It was,” she stated. “My handwriting, I mean. In eighth grade.”

 Hal blinked. Barry shrugged.

 “I was a weird kid,” she admitted.

 Hal wanted to deny but really couldn’t.

 For the rest of the evening, Barry was going through countless photos, police reports, and evidence. She made notes here and there but in the end, didn’t find anything new. Hal was handing her things, bringing tea and just observing her. Sometimes, she bent her neck for so long that he wanted to kiss the tension out of it. Sometimes, Hal was sitting on the floor behind her and she leaned into him

 It was quite nice for an evening of silent Barry watching with him gore picture of the crime scene of her mom’s murder.

 Hal realize, while Barry was cleaning up, the crime scene was in the living room they were sitting in.

***************

 Hal didn’t want to go to the precinct. Partially because it was full of police officers and Hal and police officers didn’t always get on well. Mostly because it was embarrassing - a grown-up man with no blood connection, no closer relationship going to the beautiful woman that worked there. How was he supposed to explain who he was when asked?

 _I sorta live with her and I’m in love with her and I’d like to spend the rest of my life with her but we’re not together or anything because I thought she was a man._ Yeah, it didn’t sound normal.

 So, when Barry said, “Come to the station, we’ll eat in my lab.” Hal panicked.

 Of course, Hal was confident, fearless and whatnot so he went to the precinct. He bought lunch, simple risotto Barry liked. The paper bag was huge.

 Hal’s luck made him meet Darryl right after entering. He was talking with one of the officers next to the doors, waving his hands in a way that resembled Barry. When Hal stopped in the doorframe, blocking the way, he glanced at him.

 Noticing Hal, he raised an eyebrow, eyeing him suspiciously.

 “Son?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

 He said it as if Hal could be here for anything other than Barry. Hal started panicking again.

 “Well, I–” he started. “I don’t know where Barry’s lab is,” he spat out.

 Darryl gave him a pitiful look but he was more amused than anything. He rolled his eyes at Hal and put his hands on his hips.

 “She’s upstairs,” he said with a spark in the eyes. “In the lab no. three.”

 Hal exhaled. He gripped the paper bag harder.

 “Then I’ll just– You know–” he mumbled. “Go to her.”

 Darryl raised the eyebrow higher. “Sure,” he said as if nothing happened.

 Hal almost tripped over his own legs while walking away.

 “So that’s the guy who won Captain’s Golden Girl’s heart?” Hal heard some officers whispering.

 Going for the stairs, he realized Barry was the Golden Girl and they were talking about him. Then it struck him.

 _Shit_ , he thought, _Darryl is a police captain._

 He went upstairs really fast.

 The smile Barry gave him when she saw him was worth it.

***************

 Hal heard a lot about Iris. _A lot._

 Generally, Iris was the only person he liked without actually meeting her. Barry sometimes showed her pictures, or articles, or told him some funny anecdotes about her. Hal had these short thought, wonders, if Barry wasn’t still in love with her. Their going-outs looked suspiciously like dates.

 Their first meeting wasn’t planned. Hal was just waiting for Barry next to the precinct for her lunch break. He was staying the night at hers for the last three days and today they scheduled a lunch together. When Barry came out of the building struggling with her bag and totally passing him, he knew she had forgotten.

 “Barry,” he called her.

 She stopped instantly and turned to Hal. She furrowed her eyebrows but smiled at him.

 “Hal? What are you doing here?” she asked innocently.

 Hal sighed but it was a fond sigh.

 When he looked at her, noticing her dress pants, too big men’s mint green shirt and brown sweater which seemed more his than her, he somehow couldn’t be angry.

 “You forgot,” he said. “So I will go back home and wait for the dinner.”

 She froze, her eyes widening, and licked her lips. If it wasn’t Barry, he would have said she was swearing under her breath. She rubbed her face.

 “God, I forgot,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

 He rolled his eyes and smiled at her. Forgetting was one of her special traits.

 “There will be other times,” he reassured.

 Barry waved her hands in protest.

 “No, no, no,” she spat out. “We still can have lunch, we will just have it with Iris. She wanted to meet you anyway.”

 Hal’s heart was beating a little faster for a few seconds when Iris got mentioned. He gulped.

 “If it's not a problem for her,” he said unsurely.

 Barry beamed at him and took out her phone.

 Five minutes later they were in this small dinner on the Fifth. The owner greeted Barry by her name and eyed Hal.

 Barry really _subtly_ pointed her finger at the table Iris was sitting at with her laptop open and a cup of coffee on her right.

 Iris West was beautiful but not in the same way as all that stunning girls Hal used to date or as innocent and as cute as Barry. There was something strong and independent in her that reminded Hal of Diana. Even in a T-shirt, a smarter pair of jeans and a jacket she looked professional and overawing. Maybe it was the reddish brown hair or bright green eyes.

 When she saw Barry, her face brightened. She closed her laptop and stood up.

 “Barry,” she said a bit too loud. “You’re late as usual.”

 Barry smiled sheepishly and Iris embraced her around her shoulders and hugged. Hal was standing on the side, feeling awkward. When they let go of each other, Hal felt a bit all-overish seeing Barry’s gaze, full of attention and awe. She turned to look at him and the gaze didn’t change. Somehow it really made him happy.

 She took his hand and pulled closer to the table. She didn’t let go and Hal tightened his hold on her.

 “Iris, this is Hal,” she said fast.

 Hal offered Iris his free hand and she smiled at him, relaxed.

 “Hal Jordan,” he repeated, obvious.

 He tried not to smirk too chivalrously.

 “Iris West,” she replied, taking his hand. She had a strong grip which didn’t match her manicured nails.

 Barry wasn’t stopping on grinning when they sat down. She sat next to Hal, in front of Iris. Hal felt a bit less awkward. They ordered food, deserts, and coffee. No one said anything for a moment. Barry opened her mouth and her phone vibrated. She sent them a sheepish glance and took it out of her pocket. She frowned.

 “There is a robbery on the Eighth,” she said, looking between the two of them.

 Hal got the first feeling of warmness regarding Iris when they both sighed at the same time.

 “Go,” Iris spat out. “The lunch won’t run away.”

 Hal smiled but it came out strained.

 “Do you want help?” he asked.

 Barry got up, leaving her bag and the ugly sweater on her sit. Iris raised an eyebrow on Hal’s offer.

 “No, no,” Barry answered calmly. Suddenly, she had more energy. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

 Barry left the table. They glanced at each other with Iris and cringed at the joke simultaneously.

 The waitress brought the coffee and Hal and Iris pretended they were drinking it and not staying in weird silence.

 “So,” Iris started. “How long have you been going out?”

 Hal almost choked. “What?” he asked rudely. “We aren’t going out.”

 Iris looked at him amused. Her eyes narrowed. “I know,” she replied simply. “Not yet.”

 Hal had no idea what to answer not to sound generally wrong and patronizing. Iris must have noticed how much he was thinking about his every word because she laughed.

 “Calm down,” she said. “I know that you like her and that she likes you too, anyway.”

 Hal stared at her confused and a bit happier. Everyone, really everyone, was telling him Barry liked him back. It had to mean something.

 “You know, you would be her first boyfriend since high school,” she added suddenly. “I didn’t see that coming.”

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows. “First?” he asked. “Since high school?”

 They had never talked about it, about Barry’s exes. The only one he knew was Iris.

 Iris stirred in a half-empty cup of coffee. The food was brought and the waitress hesitated not seeing the third person.

 Iris took a sip, long and slow, to say after a moment, “First.”

 There was something cold in it.

 “I thought–” he started but corrected himself. “From what I’ve heard, she was popular in college. And you know, she’s _Barry_.”

 “Well, about that, you will have to ask _her_ ,” she replied. “I’m in no position to explain her secrets.”

 Hal gulped. “Do you really think she will agree?” he asked out of nowhere. “That she will want to go out with me?”

 Iris smirked behind her hand, peeking at her fingers.

 “Barry,” she started but frowned at her own thoughts. “Well, she likes you a lot. Probably more than she liked me.”

 He didn’t know if it was good or bad. In her voice, there was something sad, something similar to regret. Hal grinned, not forgetting the part where _Barry liked him_.

 “Which doesn’t mean you can do with her anything you want,” she said spitefully. “Barry is really sensitive and if you hurt her...”

 Like it was nothing, she took a sip of Barry’s cold coffee. She looked Hal straight in the eyes, holding his gaze with stoic calmness. It got to him that she was a reporter and probably a persistent one.

 “Well, let’s just say that green ring,” she pointed at his hand laying on the countertop, ”won’t help you.”

 “I’ll take care of her,” he answered confidently.

 This, he was sure of.

 Iris raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t comment. In the same moment, Barry came back to the dinner. Her hair was ruffled and her shirt a bit wrinkled. She was gone a few minutes but it was a long time for a speedster. Without hesitation, she sat down next to Hal.

 “Did I miss something?” she asked. She wrinkled her nose, noticing their serious faces. “Did something happen?”

 Iris put a relaxed, soft smile on and Hal’s back stopped being so tense and he leaned his arm behind Barry’s shoulders, on her backrest.

 “Nothing but your coffee’s frozen,” Iris answered simply.

 After that, Hal saw Iris at least once a month and she always asked him why he and Barry weren’t together already. They had each other’s numbers and often texted about Barry.

 Iris was warm, self-assured, decided but also caring - she cared about Barry and that was important. Hal couldn’t not like her, especially when she still, from time to time, observed him with suspicious eyes, scrutinizing his every move that involved Barry.

 (The only thing he didn’t understand was why they had broken up. Don’t get him wrong, he wouldn’t have any chances with Barry if they had been still together but, well.

 Hal, taking in consideration that break-ups are not the nicest things to talk about, asked really, yhm, _subtly_ , “Why did you break up? With Iris, I mean.”

 Barry was warming up dinner for the both of them. Hal was washing dirty plates they had been leaving in the sink for the last three days. Yes, _they_. Hal kind of didn’t know how to tell Barry that he was more or less living with her.

 Barry kept on stirring the curry on the huge frying pan she usually used just for herself. Since Hal was eating a part of her food, she should have lost weight with her speedster metabolism but Hal kept on buying her some fast food here, and some sweets there.

 She muttered under her breath as if she was wondering how to word it.

 “Iris isn’t a lesbian. Or completely heterosexual too, for the matter,” she said slowly.

 “I don’t understand,” Hal spat out. “Isn’t she just bisexual?”

 Barry raised an eyebrow at that.

 “There are other sexualities than being heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual,” she replied. “There are pansexual people, demisexual people, asexual people, and many others.”

 “I’m aware of that,” he protested. “But if Iris didn’t like girls at all, she wouldn’t have been with you in the first place.”

 Barry shrugged. “Do you know what Kinsey’s scale is?” When he shook his head, she continued, “It’s unused since it only includes heterosexuality, bisexuality, and homosexuality but–”

 She added some spices and cleaned her hands in the kitchen cloth. The curry would probably be a bit too spicy, as always with Barry re-preparing the food. Hal didn’t mind.

 “The scale is from 0, someone being completely heterosexual, to 6, someone being completely homosexual. Iris described herself as a 2, saying she likes guys more than girls but almost equally,” she explained. “In reality, she was more of a 1.”

 Hal put down the plates, not bothered that the water dropped on the floor. He observed her for a moment, the way she avoided his gaze and forced a soft smile on her face.

 “But she still liked girls,” he insisted. “What changed?”

 Barry shrugged again.

 “We had been together for more than a year and a half,” she replied. “And I asked her to move in with me.”

 Hal, not seeing any traces of Iris living with Barry, even at the beginning of their friendship, realized what was Iris’s answer.

 “When she refused, I asked her how she imagined getting married.”

 Hal froze at the words _getting married._ Barry was the type of a person that wanted a family in a classic example - with kids, a white picket fence and a backyard.

 “She may have realized that our relationship was going nowhere after that,” she continued. “Because she’s never wanted to be with me in this _till death do us apart_ way, she just wanted to try it out.”

 Something in this sentence touched Hal. He realized that Barry, for a very social and extrovert person, was lonely most of her life.

 “I don’t blame her,” she added. “She is a great friend. And it’s better this way, she will be safer far away from the Flash.”

 Maybe an hour or two before, Hal wondered if he should start at least _sleeping_ in Coast City but at that moment, he rejected the idea. In the end, no matter if they were just friends or lovers, they were both only two lonely people.

 Hal turned on the tap again and tried to ignore her thoughtful gaze that concentrated on the almost hot curry.

 Maybe he wanted a family with her - with a white picket fence and a backyard. Maybe even with kids.)

***************

 Remembering about first meeting with Iris, he couldn’t forget about Wally or, as they used to call her then, Ally. It was equally unplanned as meeting Iris but more and less awkward at the same time. 

 Hal, much later, had a habit of saying they were like two peas in a pod, which was a bit disturbing considering they weren’t related by blood. Not in the appearance but in the personality, the way they carried themselves and their interests.

 Hal often heard mentions of Ally. He didn’t know why but Barry often talked about her with Batman. Hal wasn’t eavesdropping as much as he had before, mostly because Barry didn’t mind him being a part of the conversations anymore. She didn’t have to hide her secret identity anymore but she still entirely ignored pronouns and had this weird way of speech in which she avoided any sentences that suggested the gender of the speaker.

 It was one of the usual meetings in the Watchtower. They had just finished and most of the people that were present had already gone - that’s when Barry came up to Batman. Hal lingered behind her, _trying_ to not antagonize Batman again.

 “Do you think Rob and Wally could meet up next weekend? I wanted to go to the new museum in Metropolis,” she asked instantly.

 Batman watched her sideways for a moment but, as always with Barry, his face was a weird mix between a shy smile and a grimace.

 “It could be arranged,” he answered simply.

 Barry beamed at him.

 These kinds of conversations were often with the two of them. Usually, Barry was taking Rob, as mysterious as Batman himself, and Ally to some new, mostly educational place. Sometimes, to Hal’s surprise, it was Bruce offering to take them somewhere. There was something weirdly natural about it.

 Hal was really troubled with all those sudden showing ups of the kids in everybody’s lives - in Flash’s, in Batman’s, in Green Arrow’s and in Aquaman’s. Of course, he didn’t even know Ally had Barry’s powers then.

 Ally, as opposed to Iris, was more of a secret mentioned here and there. Which didn’t mean Hal was surprised when he got home one day, tired after working the whole day as a test pilot and after the trip from Coast City, and there was a kid sitting on the couch. However, he was surprised by the gender of the kid - wearing loose sweatpants, a big T-shirt, and flannel shirt, the kid looked like a boy. Apparently, with Flashes, it wasn’t as obvious as one would think. A few years later Ally won’t be confused with a boy without binder but right then, she was.

 “Oh, Hal,” said Barry, sitting on the couch. “I thought you would stay in Coast City.”

 The boy on the sofa looked at him with big green eyes with long eyelashes, looking at Hal over his shoulder. He hunched into himself even more, frightened by Hal’s presence.

 “I can still go back,” he said, half-joking. He didn’t want to go back to his empty apartment in Coast City. He didn’t.

 Barry smiled at him, turning more to him.

 “If you mind watching Disney, go back,” she replied. “If not, go for the popcorn from the kitchen.”

 Hal sighed but something warm sneaked up into his chest.

 “Then I’m going for popcorn.”

 When he got back from the kitchen, holding a bowl of popcorn bigger than his own head, the boy was sitting curled up into Barry, trying to look as small as possible. There was something alarming in it. But Barry was sitting calmly, tenderly having her arm around him. She noticed Hal and she moved closer to the kid, making a place under the blanket.

 She took the bowl from Hal and put it on her laps. When the boy reached for popcorn, she asked, “What do we say?”

 “Thank you,” he answered quietly.

 Hal smiled.

 “This is Ally,” Barry explained. “Iris’s niece. She will stay with me for the next two days while Iris is in New York.”

 Hal didn’t know what to answer and Barry rolled her eyes at that.

 “Ally, this is Hal, a friend of mine,” she introduced. “He works with me.”

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows at that.

 “Is he a CSI?” Ally asked Barry.

 All at once, it hit him that Wally, or rather Ally, was a girl. It made him breathless for some reason. Just a moment later, he took a deep breath and smiled, more to himself than to others. Ally had already won him over, she had already resembled him Barry so much.

 “No, Ally, Hal isn’t a CSI,” she replied.

 Ally only nodded but Hal didn’t know what they‘d just said themselves without words. He didn’t understand but Ally obviously did.

 For the rest of the evening, Hal was sitting and watching the two of them, being a manly man that didn’t hum along to the songs from _Mulan_.

 Ally fell asleep by the end of the movie and Barry noticed immediately.

 “I’ll take her upstairs,” she whispered.

 She bent to get up but Hal put a hand on her arm.

 “Sit, I’ll do that,” he offered.

 Before Barry even opened her mouth, Hal was already standing.

 He had no idea why he offered. What if she woke up? He didn’t know how kids worked and definitely didn’t learn enough from his nephews. He was just plain awkward with kids.

 Barry untied Ally from the blanket, smiling under her breath. In the dimmed light of the TV, she looked tired and a bit _sad_.

 Hal had never carried someone sleeping. Unconscious, wounded, yes, even dead, but not sleeping. When he grabbed her under her knees and straightened up by her shoulders with his hand, he felt how warm she was. He could carry her easily with a green construction but he was afraid that the bright light would wake her up. Barry unclosed Ally’s arm from her T-shirt and helped Hal, putting Ally’s head on his collarbone. Ally didn’t even stir.

 “To the guest room?” he whispered.

 Barry nodded. “Just, cover her up,” she added.

 Hal, climbing upstairs slowly, took Ally to the guest room and tossed a blanket on her.

 Then, watching her sleep, he couldn’t believe that anyone would think she wasn’t a girl. She didn’t have this specific beauty as Barry but she was cute, with big eyes, long eyelashes and a bunch of freckles on her pink cheeks. Her arms were petite, wrists thin.

 He took his night clothes from the wardrobe and closed the door behind himself. He changed before going back downstairs. In the living room, Barry was folding the blankets and there weren’t any glasses or plates on the table. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at him.

 “Ally is really shy,” she said. “She is scared of strangers.”

 Hal sighed, eying her. She was wearing a loose T-shirt with her college’s logo and gray sweatpants that showed up her attractive legs. Hal looked her in the eyes.

 “She seems nice,” he said. “And cute. She reminds me of you a bit."

 Barry rolled her eyes, amused.

 “I’ll go for the covers,” he said simply.

 It wasn’t all that late but the whole day tired him down.

 Hal turned around when she spoke up again, “Hal?” She sent him a look. “Why do you need the covers?”

 He furrowed his eyebrows, standing sideways to her.

 “Ally is in the guest room and your childhood room was unused since, well, your childhood,” he explained. “I thought I will take the couch.”

 “Hal,” she said. “I have a four poster bed in the bedroom.”

 His face definitely reddened and they were stuck in the silence for a moment. Barry glanced to the side with wide eyes, as if she had just understood how suggestive it sounded.

 “Well,” Hal said. He nodded but she wasn’t looking. “Okay.”

 Barry took a deep breath which didn’t sound to Hal too stoic. They didn’t look each other in the eyes until Barry got back from the kitchen with a glass of water, going straight for the stairs. Hal, who had just hidden the blankets in the cupboard under the stairs, lingered behind her.

 Entering the room together wasn’t awkward. Awkward was when they didn’t know how to lie down. Hal didn’t know on which side of the bed Barry usually slept and when she did lie down, they reached for the covers at the same time which ended rather unsuccessfully. The cover was too small for the bed and since they were laying as far away from each other as they could, it didn’t work. Hal didn’t know what distance is appropriate.

 In the end, Barry moved a bit closer, hugging the pillow and turning back to Hal. He, not wanting to watch her back, denuded by her too big T-shirt, changed the side too. Her bones and muscled arms were showing through the material. There was something intimate in it and it made Hal want to get up and never leave the bed simultaneously.

 Barry turned off the night lamp.

 “Good night, Hal,” she said.

 “’Night,” he whispered back.

 Half an hour ago he was falling asleep but at that moment he was feeling woken up. He listened up to her breathing and to his own beating heart, trying not to move. It was completely dark but he subconsciously knew, Barry was laying _not farther than three feet away_. It shouldn’t have been a big deal but it was. They had fallen asleep on the couch multiple times, cuddling with each other but Hal wasn’t able to calm down, being aware that her warm body was right next to him. He fisted his cold hands.

 He didn’t know how much time had passed on him listening to Barry’s breath but her breath was still uneven, too fast to belong to someone asleep.

 “Are you sleeping?” he whispered.

 “No,” she answered and her voice was still lively.

 Hal heard the rustling of the cover when she turned on her side. He turned to her too.

 Even in the darkness, her baby blue eyes were vivid, it was the first thing he had noticed. Her hair was tousled and her gaze a bit wet. She was laying lower than Hal but he saw her wrinkling her nose.

 “I’m worried,” she whispered in a shaky voice.

 “About what?” he asked equally gently.

 Barry wriggled a bit. “Nothing. Everything.” She was silent for a long moment. “I don’t know.”

 Hal sized the space in between them, approaching closer. He felt the warmness of her body. Looking into her eyes, his heartbeat slowed down. He wondered if she was worried about _them both, together, right here_.

 “Go to sleep,” he said tenderly.

 It may have been strange but he became sleepy again.

 He placed his arm around her narrow waist and staring at her. It was spontaneous but Barry didn’t move away. She wriggled around again, setting her head under Hal’s chin. Hal smiled.

 They both fell asleep quite fast.

 

 Hal woke up before Barry. He always did, she wasn’t early riser even though she seemed like one.

 Barry was still in his arms, her hair ruffled and her breath restful. They were both almost hot under the covers but Hal didn’t move away from her for some time. She looked angelic and peaceful. It was the exact way Hal imagined it would be. He was reluctant to go.

 But he did. If Hal woke up before her, he would usually make breakfast. It was the weekend and he didn’t want to wake her up too early.

 At the kitchen table, with a glass of water, Ally was sitting silently. She put on another T-shirt but was still in the same sweatpants. Hal froze in the doorframe seeing her.

 “What are you doing up this early?” he asked her instantly, a bit too sharp because she abashed.

 “I had a nightmare,” she explained barely audible. “I couldn’t fall back asleep so I went downstairs.”

 Hal blinked. _Nightmare,_ he thought. _Does every kid have nightmares after watching Disney?_

 “You sure you don’t want to go sleep some more?” he asked again.

 Ally shook his head. “It’s alright,” she said. “Usually Aunt Barry–”

 She cut herself short, looking hesitantly at Hal.

 “What usually Barry does?” Hal replied.

 She avoided his gaze. “She usually calms me down,” she said quietly.

 For Hal, it didn’t look as if she was shy but as if she was _scared_ , scared of him. It seemed so wrong, maybe that was what worried Barry.

 “Then why didn’t you come to her last night?” he asked softly.

 Slowly, he approached her. Without a sound he moved the chair and sat down on the opposite end, not taking his eyes off her. Ally curled into herself.

 “I did,” she whispered. “But you were together in her bed and I didn’t know if I could.”

 Hal looked at her with raised eyebrows, surprised. He was bad with kids but not _this_ bad - he knew it was him she was scared of. She shouldn’t, most kids wouldn’t, but she did.

 “Of course you could," he said a little breathless. “You can wake up us both if something is going on.”

 Ally nodded, still avoiding his gaze. Hal held back a sigh and put on a peaceful smile.

 He made a jug of tea and asked, “Do you want scrambled eggs for breakfast?”

 Ally smiled shyly, the cup of hot tea between her hands.

 The rest was almost normal. _Almost_.

 Hal dropped the plate with scrambled eggs. Ally caught it.

 The problem was that, just a second ago, she was sitting at the table, at the second end of the kitchen.

 “ _Jezus fuck_ ,” he exclaimed. Then he realized what he had said and held out his hand in Ally’s direction. “If Barry asks, I didn’t say that.”

 Ally giggled but she caught herself doing it and covered her mouth with her hand.

 “Does Barry know–” he started. “Does she know you have superspeed?

 She nodded proudly.

 “Of course she knows,” she said. “She’s the Flash.”

 Hal had just gotten the deepest desire to scream in his life. Preferably at Barry.

 “Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I thought you knew. After all, you’re Green Lantern.”

 Hal stared. “Did Barry tell you that too?” he asked.

 She shook her head.

 “You have a green ring with a lantern on it,” she noticed.

 Hal just got sussed by an eleven years old girl. Well.

 He put the plate with scrambled eggs on the table. Ally thanked him quietly. Hal couldn’t stop staring at her through the whole meal. Ally finished eating first and patiently waited for Hal.

 She wriggled around in her chair and asked really fast, “Are you Aunt Barry’s husband?”

 Hal almost choked.

 “No,” he spat out abruptly. “Where did the idea come from?”

 Ally sent him a strange look, very effective for an eleven-year-old.

 “You sleep together,” she replied. “And you live together.” It was obvious.

 Hal blushed, thinking about another kind of sleeping.

 “I just– I’m not,” he answered in the end.

 “So you’re her boyfriend,” she asked again. “I know Aunt Iris was her girlfriend but she is not anymore, so maybe you are.”

 Hal wondered what to tell her without lying.

 “I’m not her boyfriend.” Ally frowned. “But I like her very much.”

 “And she likes you too?”

 “It’s possible,” he admitted.

 Ally muttered to herself as if the answer didn’t satisfy her. Hal shook his head.

 “Shouldn’t we wake her up?” Ally asked suddenly. She glanced at the watch on the wall. “It’s past ten.”

 “I guess we should,” he said, sighing. “Could you go wake her up while I start on breakfast for her?”

 Ally beamed at him.

 Hal stood up from the table and saw the same pose Barry made sometimes. Ally smirked.

 “Just don’t–” he started but Ally had already supersped upstairs. ”–run.”

 Hal made a face.

 (Later, he asked Barry, why she hadn’t told him that Ally is a speedster.

 Barry sighed and rubbed her forehead.

 “Do you know how hard is to keep her away from the idea of being my _superhero partner_?” she asked. “The more superheroes she meets, the more fired up she gets.”

 They both sighed. Kids.

 “I still don’t understand how it happened,” he spat out. “How did she get her superspeed?”

 Barry glanced down at her hands. “It’s my fault,” she confessed. “I told her too much, ignored how smart of a kid she is. She recreated the accident that gave me my powers in her garage.”

Hal stared at her stunned.

 “She did _what_?” he exclaimed.

 Barry looked at the ceiling and hid her face in her palm.

 “Remember that time I left JL meeting because Iris had an accident?” she asked. He nodded, he was worried about her that time. “Ally had an accident. Or rather _the_ accident.”

 “She did it all alone?” he asked, not believing.

 Barry nodded resigned. “She’s really smart,” she said. “Sometimes I wish she wasn’t. There is so much danger...”

 Hal placed an arm around her.)

 Ally was a shy kid with a brain too big for her own good and scared of many things. There was something alarming in her but Hal didn’t know what it was.

 It didn’t change the fact that when she got used to him she started calling him Uncle Hal. They were getting along very well and Hal was proud of it. She was a great kid.

 The next night, after a lazy day, she came to the bedroom ~~their bedroom~~ and woke up Hal first. Hal wondered how his life became _this_.

***************

 Barry just got back from a dinner date with Iris, wearing a baby blue long dress that matched her eyes almost too perfectly. Her arms were covered by a long black cardigan and there were hair clips in her hair. She looked pretty tired but beamed at Hal when she noticed warmed up nachos on the table. Hal had two realizations then.

 She sat next to him in that dress, not bothering to change, sighed and leaned her forehead on his shoulder. Her breath was warm and cozy. When she started blindly taking the clips out of her hair, Hal helped her with them.

 There were no more clips in her hair and Hal reached for the clasp of her necklace. She grabbed his hand.

 “The necklace stays,” she said, adjusting it on her thin neck.

 Hal realized she had it on all the time, no matter which outfit she was wearing - the jeans, the men’s dress shirts or the dresses. It was silver, more of a pendant than necklace to be honest, with one bigger blue gem, which could be a topaz or aquamarine, and a few smaller ones in between the chain. It looked expensive, much more expensive than any other jewelry Barry had or any jewelry they both could effort.

 “It always stays,” Hal said suddenly.

 “I got it as a gift,” she explained. “From Bruce.”

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows. Of course. _Bruce_. It was the reason it looked so expensive.

 “Why did he give you a _necklace_?” he asked.

 “It was a birthday present,” she said.

 “That was what was in that box?” he asked. “I don’t understand why he lined it with lead, is it some kind of paranoia?”

 Barry sent him a strange look. “How do you know it was lined with lead?”

 Hal’s cheeks reddened. “I kind of asked Clark what was there.”

 She sent him an even stranger look.

 “You know, it was from Batman, it could be dangerous,” he said. It was a really lame excuse, Hal had to admit.

 But Barry bought it. “And who is the paranoid one?” she asked, shaking her head.

 “But still, why a necklace?” he insisted.

 “As a billionaire, he can get me anything but he prefers to give something with meaning.” She stopped, glancing down at the pendant and caressing it with her fingers. “It was his mother’s.”

 Well, everyone knew what happened with Martha Wayne. The gift must have meant a lot in the emotional value.

 “Oh,” he said only.

 “Yeah,” she whispered absently. “ _Oh_.”

 Of course, that was the moment Barry’s phone vibrated. She looked at it and saw a notification from the police app. The Rouges were making trouble in Leawood. She glanced at the ceiling, sighing.

 “I’m too tired for this,” she complained.

 Hal offered quickly, “I could take it this one time.”

 She considered it for a few seconds. “Nah,” she said finally. “Green Lantern was spotted too many times in Central City this month.”

 Hal didn’t care about that but it was her city and her decision.

 She sighed again and got up. “Could you make the tea? I’ll be back in a flash.”

 Hal snorted at the pun but a gust of wind and she wasn’t there anymore. Hal made a jug of tea.

 When she got back and, still fully suited, lay down on the sofa, the second realization struck him.

 In the suit, she really looked like a man - with a bit narrower shoulders or wider hips but it all could be easily explained by her ~~or him~~ being a runner. The shape of her jaw was hidden, the lack of Adam’s apple was hidden, her breasts were flattened out, and her arms were a bit puffed for the effect of wider shoulders, and her legs were naturally long.

 “Why are you a man?” he asked from the kitchen doorframe.

 She looked up from her position, tilting back. “Say again?” She furrowed her eyebrows.

 “I mean, why are you pretending to be a man?” he corrected, blushing a bit.

 “Well, they assumed I was one,” she said. “It wasn’t the people’s fault, not entirely. I looked like a blur while running and they assumed I was a _male_ blur.”

 “Then why stay with it? Why change the costume, why change the pronouns?” he questioned.

 Barry sat up straight. Hal reluctantly sat next to her.

 “To be honest, I was scared,” she whispered, moving her hand as if to sweep back the hair from her forehead. “I was scared of what people would have said and what they would be still saying right now.”

 “I don’t understand,” he said. “What can people say because you’re a woman?”

 She laughed without humor in it. It sounded bitter.

 “Do you remember the last time we were helping in Texas after the hurricane?”

 “Yeah,” he replied shortly.

 “Did you see any articles about it?” she continued.

 Hal didn’t read newspapers, especially the stories he was a part of. He shook his head.

 “Diana has just saved seven kids from drowning when they took a photo of her. Bending,” she told him. He knew where it was going. “Instead of writing about the saving, they wrote that her underwear was showing.”

 Hal grimaced. He would be so pissed if it was Barry. _You don’t fully understand the wrongness of the world until it includes your girl_ , he thought.

 “I don’t know if Central City would like me so much if the Flash was a woman,” she explained. “And I’m not as brave as Diana. I’m not brave in general, Hal. I just chose the easier path.”

 Hal put an arm around her shoulders.

 “It’s your decision, Bear,” he said. “I have no right to judge.”

 She smiled shyly at him and leaned her head, still in the cowl, on his chest. She fell asleep like that.

***************

 When it came to Barry, Hal had never wondered if there was someone else who wanted to go out with her. Well, yes, he knew she was bisexual and she had been dating Iris for more than a year when she met Hal.

 After that, in Hal’s mind was only empty space as if Barry stopped having any love life just because Hal was in love with her. He realized that she may not date anyone right now but it could change really fast - she was young, attractive, smart and nice, what is there not to like?

 Let’s just say Hal was grateful she worked with heterosexual women and older and married men. He was lucky that in the League everyone knew how Hal felt about her.

 One of Barry's usual days at work disposed him to the conclusion that he didn’t have all that much time to ask her out.

 Hal showed up on Earth at about two PM, Central City timezone. The whole city was under fire alarm and police and ambulances’ sirens were heard everywhere, there was generally a chaos. When he called Barry, she picked up after a few rings.

 “Hey, Hal,” she said quickly. “Is it something important? It’s crazy at the station right now and the Flash just stopped, like, four fires, so–”

 Hal frowned when an ambulance passed him by.

 “I’m going home now,” he explained. “I thought we would eat together, your lunch break is in half an hour.”

 In the phone, Barry said something to someone about the test needing one more hour at least. Hal waited calmly.

 “I won’t be able to leave the lab today,” she replied. “There was a fire after fire and everyone is hands full. A crime scene after crime scene.”

 Hal wanted to sigh but answered simply, “It’s alright, I will wait at home for you. Maybe I will finally use the shower and hot water.”

 Barry laughed shortly. Someone on her end started talking about new samples and photos.

 “I have to go,” she said. “See you at home.”

 The whole conversation sounded not only as if they lived together but as if they were a married couple and not just friends.

 The problem arrived when Hal took a shower, changed clothes and drank his first coffee in two weeks. The house was too quiet and too empty and Hal didn’t know what to do with himself.

 Of course, Hal usually listened to her. Well, if he wanted to, that is. This time, he didn’t.

 He came by the dinner two streets away from the house that Barry liked so much and went for two coffees from Jitters. After all, she said she wouldn’t be able to leave the lab so Hal just _came_ to the lab.

 He passed Darryl at the entrance to the station, so pissed off that didn’t even recognized Hal. When he was going upstairs, he greeted Forrest who tried to maneuver with the huge CSI bag and the paperwork in hand.

 The doors to Barry’s lab were wide open, as usually on a busy day. Through the glass walls, Hal saw Barry. He wanted to go there right away, give her the paper bag with food and sit down on one of the tables with the coffee in hand.

 He heard her giggling and had to smile himself. Until the guy spoke up, “I knew you would love that pick-up line.”

 “It’s just so bad I have to smile, Jim,” she said, amused.

 Hal took a step back, holding his breath.

 “Do you remember the first one I used on you? In college?” he asked, his voice too soft for Hal’s liking.

 He saw the guy coming closer to Barry, stopping a few inches too far into her personal space. He leaned on his hand against the table, looking at her. He was wearing a firefighter uniform, with the jacket tied up around his hips.

 Barry grinned with mischief. “Wasn’t it _forget the hydrogen, you’re my number one element_?”

  _Jim_ smiled wider. “So you do remember,” he teased. “You asked me if I was trying to flirt with you after that, you were so irritated.”

 She tucked a strand of hairs behind her ear, her cheeks bright pink. “And you said you didn’t need to flirt, you would seduce me with your awkwardness, didn’t you?” She beamed.

 The guy glanced at her hands.

 “But I never did,” he said. “It could all be so different, _we_ could be so different.”

 Barry’s gaze wandered to the side.

 “But it isn’t, Jim,” she answered quietly.

 “I know that after what the jerks from high school did to you and then what happened in college you didn’t want to date,” he said suddenly. “Now things are easier.”

 She took a step back, frowning. “How did you know about the high school?” she spat out

 _Jim_ shrugged, unsure. “I found an article about it in the net when we were in college,” he explained. “Central City is big but not _that_ big.”

 She sighed, rubbing her forehead. The guy took her hand in his.

 “Hey, at least now nothing is holding us back. Think positive,” he said. “Like a proton.”

 She snorted at that but lighten up.

 “It’s not that simple, Jim,” she answered tenderly.

 “Oh, you say?” he asked. “I’m really attracted to you and Newton’s laws of gravitation say you’re attracted to me too. It’s that simple.”

 She sent him a look. “The pick-up lines won’t fix everything.”

 “I see all fixed up already. You’re sweeter than a 3.14, sweetie,” he said. She closed her eyes but smiled. “And I’m not afraid of having diabetes.”

 Barry hunched her shoulders, not meeting his eyes. The guy took a deep breath.

 “Will you go on a date with me?” he asked.

 Hal’s heart stopped beating. There, just during her usual day at work, she could say _yes_ to the _Jim_ guy and Hal wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He wouldn’t be able to bear with it either. It was like his whole life breaking.

 Hal held his breath.

 When she started, “I’m sorry...” it was a weight off his mind. Hal should feel bad but he didn’t.

 The guy sighed and let go of her hand. “I should have become CSI after all, maybe you would have just slowly fallen in love with me that way.”

 She smiled sheepishly but there was warmness in her eyes. “Maybe,” she only said.

 Hal gulped. It was time to go through that door and break it up before the guy used more nerdy pick-up lines. He tried to seem relaxed and not like he was standing there and eavesdropping. The coffee and the food was probably cold.

 Hal entered the lab, clearing his throat.

 “The lunch is here,” he said as cheerfully as he could.

 Barry turned to him sharply. She took a few steps away from Jim and leaned on the countertop. The guy looked confused. Hal, wearing old pilot jacket, definitely didn’t look as someone working at the police station.

 “Hal?” she asked a bit panicked. “What are you doing here? I told you it’s a busy day.”

 Well, it wasn’t busy enough for Jim to go away apparently.

 “Waiting at _home_ was boring,” he answered, stressing the word _home_ so the guy would take a hint. “So I thought we could eat together here.”

 Jim looked at the two of them and his face fell. He fisted his hand.

 When Barry didn’t look away from Hal, Jim closed his eyes for a moment.

 “Late, always late,” he said, glancing at his watch. It sounded more like he was talking about Barry and Hal was kind of proud of himself and his hint working. “I will see you on the job sooner or later, Barry, but I should go now. I have to sleep off the night of the fires.”

 Barry gazed at him with sad, worried eyes. “See you...” she said when he passed Hal.

 In the entrance, he stopped. “See you,” he answered resigned.

 Hal took the cold food out and put the coffee on the table. He sat on one of the chairs but Barry was still standing and looking at the door.

 “Barry?” She turned to him, caught off guard. “Eat up.”

 She smiled a little brighter but her face was absent. She took the plastic fork and started on the salad. She didn’t say anything and Hal pretended not to notice the awkward silence they were in.

 Much, much later, after the lunch and rest of the workday, seeing the fire truck next to the station when they were going back home, he asked, “Who was that guy? The firefighter.”

 Barry hugged herself with her arms as if she was feeling cold.

 “We went together to college in Berkeley,” she said quietly. “He wanted to be CSI like me, well, before his dad died anyway. He was a firefighter so now Jim is a firefighter too.”

 “Is he a friend of yours?” he asked, as subtly as he could.

 Barry was gazing at her shoes. “I think so. We were the two nerds from the track team.”

 That explained the pick-up lines.

 She shivered but Hal knew it wasn’t from coldness. He bit his lip while putting his arm around her waist. She leaned into him just a little.

 They went to bed earlier.

***************

 Hal hoped there weren’t other Barry’s admirers except for the hot firefighter who knew Barry from college and would have almost become Barry’s co-worker if his firefighter dad hadn’t died. Of course, the hope often blinks at a fool.

 When he entered the precinct, he noticed a very pissed off Darryl who was just scolding his subordinates. He saw Hal and narrowed his eyes. Hal waved him awkwardly.

 “Don’t you have your own job, son?” he yelled to him.

 Hal knew Darryl called son everyone, his own daughter included, but he blushed a bit anyway.

 “Apparently no,” he answered.

 Darryl sighed, “At least tell her to eat something, she’s been there the whole day,” he said.

 When Hal showed him a huge paper bag with lunch, he sent him a look of approval.

 Hal greeted Patty and Forrest on the way upstairs. Entering Barry’s lab, he coughed.

 “I told you, the DNA tests are _not_ toasts, you won’t get them in under five minutes,” she spat out annoyed.

 “Well, it’s good I didn’t come for them, then,” he answered. _I came only for the beautiful lady that works here,_ he stopped himself from saying.

 Hearing his voice, Barry turned to him with a wide grin.

 “Hal!” she exclaimed. “You were supposed to be in space for the next three days.”

 “They let me off earlier,” he explained. “So I came by.”

 Barry walked up to him and eyed him with her hands on her hips.

 “And you’ve brought food!” she spat out.

 She took the paper bag from his hands and hugged him tightly. Hal embraced her, smelling her strawberry shampoo and feeling at home. Her chest was dangerously close. She let go.

 “Go, sit down,” she said. “I just have to write down the data.”

 Hal took the bag back and sat on his usual place, on the back of the room. He put the tortillas and tacos on the table. Barry hummed to herself.

 The doors clicked but Hal wasn’t aware of the troubles that had just come.

 “Yhm...” said the deep, male voice.

 Barry looked up from the paperwork and glanced at the entrance. Hal had to admit the guy that came in was one of the men who most women would describe as attractive. He was pretty young, with dark skin, green eyes and a bunch of curls. The guy smiled unsurely.

 “Can I help you?” she asked. “Detective Stedman?”

 She usually knew all the names but this time she clearly read his ID.

 “You can call me Tom,” he spat out. He looked confused at her and then peeked at the plastic bag he was holding and smiled shamefully. “Sorry, I’ve just transferred from Ohio and they told me Barry Allen is in the lab no. three but you obviously aren’t Barry so–”

 Barry giggled and rolled her eyes. The guy looked almost smitten with her after that. Hal frowned, he was aware of how charming Barry was, he just didn’t like guys like _Tom_ getting smitten with her too.

 “Actually, I’m Barry Allen,” she explained. “Look at my ID.”

 She held up her hand, demonstrating her name on the CSI ID card that was pinned to her white lab coat.

 _Tom_ was embarrassed.

 “Sorry, it’s just– Your name–” he mumbled.

 She gave him a calming smile.

 “Happens all the time,” she assured.

 He handed her the plastic bag with the evidence.

 “It’s from the crime scene on Washington Street,” he explained. “I was told to give it to you.”

 Barry left it on the table, next to the paperwork.

 “I’ll process it first thing after the lunch break, promise,” she said.

 _Tom_ brisked up.

 “Maybe I could make up to you the mistake with your name while eating lunch together?” he asked hopefully.

 Hal got up from the swivel chair louder than it was necessary and adjusted his leather jacket. He cleared his throat.

 “It’s a really tempting offer but I brought food just for the _two of us,_ ” he spat out.

 Hal sent him a meaningful glance and stood upright to look as intimidating as possible.

 Barry wrinkled her nose and opened her mouth but _Tom_ cut her short before she began, “Oh,” he said. “I’ll go, a lot of work and all that, you know.”

 He left even faster than he had come.

 “Weird,” Barry whispered.

 She shrugged and went straight for the food. Hal high-fived himself in his mind.

 (Of course, Tom didn’t want to eat lunch with Barry anymore. Hal made sure he didn’t with his every visit.)

**************

**************

 Barry was the most sensitive and empathetic woman he knew and one of the strongest ones he knew. Hal was aware she could kick his ass. He just sometimes forgot about it.

 It was the weekend when they were walking through the park in Englewood. It was getting darker and darker with every minute. Not that long ago they left the cinema after watching one of the movies Hal had been missing for a couple of years because of the space trips. Barry saw it already with Iris but gladly took Hal once again. Hours of sitting in small, closed, stuffed space and Barry wanted to stretch her legs - they went to the park.

 Hal was practically holding her hand the whole time. They talked about little things, about the movie, Iris, Ally, work, JL and about food. It was an absolutely mundane thing but Hal loved it.

 Barry abruptly stopped laughing at his joke. She stood still, frowning. Looking at something, her whole demeanor became tense and sharp. She looked pissed off.

 Hal glanced at the direction she was looking at.

 There was a man and a woman. The guy didn’t seem unordinary but he was standing much too close to the woman. One could have said they were a couple if the woman didn’t try to take his hand off her hip, struggling, her bag laying on the ground. People like that guy were disgusting.

 It was the park. There were people but no one paid attention.

 Barry wounded up tight as a drum. She took a deep breath as if she wanted to calm herself down. She headed in their way.

 Hal grabbed her by the arm before she was too far.

 “Barry,” he said. “Let me handle this.”

 She glared at him determined and shook her head. She fisted her hands.

 “ _No_ , Hal,” she hissed.

 Hal’s grip tightened. “Let me handle this,” he repeated. “Wait here and let me.”

 “Like hell I will,” she replied.

 She got free from his hold and ran up to the man and woman.

 Hal sighed, clenching his jaw. He hated when she did that, leaving him behind. He felt like she was leaving him behind her life.

 Before Hal did anything, Barry was next to the two. Hal caught up to her, dreading what was going to happen.

 The woman moved out of the way as soon as the guy let her go. He put his hands on Barry and something flared up in Hal.

 She didn’t let him touch her for too long. She hit him with an open hand in the nose, kicked between legs and bent his elbow inside out. When the guy leaned forward, she pulled his leg with her foot. Gracefully, she moved with him to the ground, adjusting his arm on his back and holding him down with her knee. She didn’t use superspeed even once.

  ~~There was something _hot_ in it.~~

 Hal was stunned.

 The woman, still standing next to the scene, started crying.

 The man struggled under Barry. She pressed his face more into the ground.

 “Call the police,” she ordered.

 Hal was staring at her tensed shoulder and hair falling in her eyes. She was so tender compared to the man under her.

 “ _Call the police,_ ” she repeated through her teeth.

 Hal took his phone out of his pocket. “The police or your dad?” he asked absently.

 The woman, realizing they were the good guys, neared Hal.

 “The police,” Barry spat out. “My dad has the day off. There should be a patrol two streets away.”

 Hal called the police.

 The next two or so hours he spent on explaining that _Barry is not his girlfriend, yes it was her that subdued the guy, no he didn’t try to do anything, she had it under control._ He didn’t know why everyone questioned Barry so much. She was the one who reacted. She just was.

 When he came out of the interrogation, Barry was sitting next to the woman who had a blanket around her and a tea in hand.

 Barry was talking to her softly, “On the corner of Folom and the 5th there’s a small dojo, Aemin’s. She gives free lessons in self-defense on Saturdays.”

 The woman didn’t look her in the eyes but nodded. It was a pitiful sight.

 Barry slowly and tenderly touched her arm, “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home?” she asked warmly.

 The girl glanced in Hal’s direction and tugged on the blanket.

 “One of the officers offered to give me a ride,” she answered. “She said she lives nearby.”

 Barry genuinely didn’t want to leave her but she did. The girl had empty gaze as if the whole life flashed before her eyes and now she didn’t have anything to look at. It probably did.

 Barry folded her arms on her chest, gripping the material of her sweater. Hal delicately pulled an arm around her waist. He knew she wasn’t fragile but she seemed at the moment. She gave him a sideways glance and her face cooled down.

 “Let’s go home,” he said.

 Barry took a deep breath and nodded. She still looked moved. When they passed the third street and she was silent, Hal spoke up, “Are you gonna be okay?”

 Barry sent him a meaningful look. “I wasn’t the one assaulted.”

 “I know,” he replied. “But you seem so upset.”

 “I just–” she started. “That poor girl.”

 Hal pulled her even closer, so close that her cheek touched his shoulder.

 “At least they caught the offender,” he comforted.

 Barry’s eyes became a bit wet. She closed them, taking a breath.

 “There’s less than 40% of a chance he will be charged,” she said bitterly. “Even less since they worked together and she was attractive, single and young. They will say she made him do it and she asked for it.”

 “What?” he spat out.

 “One-sixth of American women are victims of rape or attempted rape,” she continued harshly. “But the offenders aren’t charged because the girl was pretty, or flirted with them, or whatever other bullshit. Or the offender has too bright future to be charged.

 She sounded tired.

 “I didn’t tell you to call the police to catch him,” she said. “I did it so that she knew she should do it, she can do it and so that she could feel a bit _safer_.”

 Hal shivered at the word _safer_. It wasn’t fair.

 “Why didn’t you let me handle it?” he asked on spur of the moment.

 Barry looked to the side.

 “Would you do the same thing I did?” she questioned. She continued, not waiting for his answer, “No, you would have told the guy off and he would try to get to her tommorow.”

 It was scary that she was right.

 Hal gulped. “Sorry,” he whispered.

 “It’s not your fault,” she said. “You were raised this way. We all were.”

 She shrugged and Hal felt it with his arm. Before she added anything, her phone rang. She took it out and answered quickly.

 “Dad?” she spoke up. “No, no, I’m alright. Yeah, Hal is with me.”

 Yeah, Hal was with her.

***************

 Hal was a lot at the police station but not because of the reasons his brothers would suspect, it was completely legal. He realized that when most of the day shift started saying him _hi_.

 A question about Barry’s career came to him one day, at six o’clock, when Barry was finishing her shift and had just scolded some newbie about investigating the crime properly.

 “Why are you not a detective?” he asked. “I always thought it was because Darryl insisted on you but– Well, you would be good in it.”

 Barry turned around on the stool and sent him a disappointed glance.

 “You sit around here all days but in the end, you don’t pay attention to what I do at all,” she said.

 She shook her head at him with a certain fondness. Hal felt a little hot, caught red-handed, because, being honest, usually he didn’t understand what she was doing and when he did he looked at what _she_ was doing not _what_ she was doing.

 He shrugged.

 “Don’t take me wrong,” she continued. “If I didn’t like science, I would probably have a badge now.”

 “The whole interest in the police career,” he started. “Is it because of your dad? The biological one, I mean.”

 She hugged herself with her arms.

 “In a way, yes,” she replied. “You know, most crimes that aren’t solved in forty eight hours probably won’t be solved at all.”

 Hal didn’t see the connection.

 “That’s why some police officers find things that aren’t right or _assume_ ,” she explained. “That was the case with my father, they assumed. He was a doctor and tried to stop the bleeding, save my mom. There were his fingerprints because he touched the knife that was _in my mom’s heart_. He was _a doctor_. My parents were getting a divorce so the _assumed he had been angry_.”

 It wasn’t sadness in her voice, it was pure anger Hal was afraid of.

 “That’s why you’re a CSI?” he asked.

 “Yes and no,” she said. “I don’t want any other kid to have their parent taken away from them because of assumptions. But I don’t want any criminal on the loose just because the evidence wasn’t obvious to the eyes.”

 “But it’s just evidence,” he spat out. “It’s not the actual catching of the bad guys.”

 “Evidence is everything, Hal,” she explained. “The evidence is the answer to what happened and how it happened. It’s the key to the investigation and the base for the accusation for the DA.”

 “Why not a detective then?” he asked again.

 Barry smiled amused and bit her lip. She shrugged.

 “I don’t like guns,” she commented. “And yes, Darryl wouldn’t approve. Not that the CSI job he approved, I just didn’t ask.”

 Hal laughed.

***************

 Hal sometimes forgot that the Flash was a man and Barry was a woman. The same person, you could say, but still. From what Hal noticed, no one from the people that were included in the secret cared much about the pronouns. Diana usually continued the conversation as if nothing happened, Bruce usually corrected Hal depending about which identity he was talking (Barry or the Flash) and Clark usually bravely called her she and corrected Hal if there weren’t anyone listening on.

 Hal had never forgotten about Flash’s gender while talking to Ollie. Maybe it was because of the memory of countless sexuality crisis talks Oliver was part of that stopped him from forgetting - no matter what was the reason, Hal remembered. He had never used the wrong pronouns, taking into consideration Barry’s secret identity and the weird dislike Barry had for Oliver and vice versa.

 That’s why Ollie still thought Hal had a gay crush on his best friend. Hal didn’t mind.

 They didn’t talk about Barry as often as before her gender reveal. Of course, when Barry, Hal, and Oliver (and a dozen other superheroes) were in one and the same place, Oliver and Hal couldn’t not talk about Barry.

 They were standing there, on the side, as two the most useless superheroes for repairing the damages after the fight. Barry was running around from building to building, taking the shape of red and yellow blur and recreating the buildings from the beginning to the end. There was something amazing in it so Hal, once again in his life, observed her, so elusive for the eyes and for the heart.

 Green Arrow stood next to him, putting his hands on his hips. He sent Hal meaningful glance.

 “So how is being gay?” he spoke up.

 Hal raised an eyebrow at that but Ollie was still smirking.

 “Great, actually,” Hal snorted. “Best part of my life so far.”

 He didn’t lie. Barry was the best part of his life in many ways.

 “So it didn’t go away?” Ollie asked. “Not at all? I thought you stopped bothering me because it’s already disappeared.”

 Hal shook his head with a wide grin. He remembered how last weekend he and Barry went to the American Wings Air Museum with Ally. It definitely didn’t go away, more of the opposite - it was even worse now.

 “Hmm,” Ollie muttered. “I didn’t think it would take so much time.”

 “It will take the rest of my life, Ollie,” he answered. “I’m sure.”

 He wasn’t sure about the rest of his life; however, he was sure it would be a long time. If he was more emotional or romantic, he would have said _It’s true love_ or something but he wasn’t.

 Oliver looked at him for a long time. He had the mask on but Hal knew he was looking at him bewildered.

 “You’ve said you wanted to try being with him,” he said suddenly. “Did you ask him out?”

 Hal sighed. “No,” he answered emphatically.

 Ollie frowned. “ _No_? Why not?” he asked. “You’ve said...”

 Hal knew well enough what he had said but he knew that a lot had changed since that conversation with Oliver. Barry’s gender for example.

 “I found some new things about him,” he said, glancing to the side. “I’ll wait until he understands I really do like him this way.”

 Oliver sent him a strange look.

 “And how long have you been waiting exactly?” he asked simply.

 Time, as Hal learned from Barry, was unpredictable. It was, also, a time for Barry to run up to them and ask, cutting their conversation short, “Can you help me?” She glanced at Ollie. “Well, Oliver is kind of useless so...”

 Green Arrow folded his arms on his chest.

 “ _Useless_?” he protested.

 Hal almost sighed.

 Barry glanced at Hal and caught her own arm in her hand, wrinkling her nose.

 “Well, you won’t be able to lift a part of the building that weights a ton, so yes, you’re useless,” she hissed. “ _Hal_ has the ring and he can.”

 Hal grinned victoriously to himself when Ollie mouthed to him _Hal has the ring_ , mocking her. Hal without questions went after her.

 She pointed him at a part of the building that was probably a ceiling. Hal lifted it with the ring’s help. Barry, in a matter of a couple of minutes, rebuilt most of the house, leaving empty windows and half of the roof tiles missing.

 “I always wondered how you do it,” he told her when she stood next to him again.

 She looked to the side. “I go to the library before starting,” she answered quietly. “And then I read all the books from the engineering and architecture section. And then I rebuild.”

 Hal laughed because there was something so Barry in it, reading books and knowing how to do it _just like that_. He sometimes forgot how intelligent she was just because she wasn’t big-headed about it.

 Barry sighed to herself and put her hands on her hips. “Most of the American houses are built without thinking, with too much not needed materials.”

 Hal didn’t know about that. The only science he was using was aerodynamic physics and it wasn’t enough for him to know _anything_ about American architecture.

 She peeked behind her back. She cleared her throat.

 “You can go back to the Green Arrow,” she said. “Superman should be back in a moment and he can help me with heavier things.”

~~(Hal sometimes hated Superman for being cool in Barry’s eyes.)~~

 He wrinkled his nose and looked over his shoulder. Ollie was standing in a certain distance, indiscreetly observing them.

 “It’s rather awkward, talking with him,” he said, making a face. “Ollie doesn’t know you’re not man.”

 Just after saying that, he realized it was like admitting they had been talking about her. Barry paid it no mind. She shrugged.

 “You can just tell him I’m not,” she almost whispered. “A man, I mean.”

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows. For a short moment, he imagined Oliver’s face when he found out. Hal wanted to wait with it, even simply to make him more astonished. _Hah_ , he thought, _as for me, he can find out when we will be getting married_.

 He realized what he thought a second later. _Getting married_ was a terrible idea _especially while they weren’t even together yet_ , his mind supplied, but after adding _to Barry_ it wasn’t as terrible. Well.

 He grinned and put his hand on her arm.

 “Nah,” he answered finally. “It’s part of your secret identity, isn’t it?”

 She shook her head at him but her smile was fond. “Oh, so now you’re worried about my secret identity.”

 “There always has to be the first time.” He winked at her.

 She giggled. With voice modulator, it didn’t sound as softly and pretty or as _good_ but Hal still liked it.

 “Hey, lovebirds!” Oliver shouted. “Batman says the reporters will be here any minute and we have to get back!”

 Hal really hoped that after all those love laments he heard from Hal, Ollie would be tactful enough to, at least, not interrupt while they were _having a moment_.

 Hal felt her biceps flexing under his hand. She made a disgusted face that looked out of place on her.

 “You know,” he spoke up, “you’ve never told me why you dislike him so much.”

 Barry’s back tensed in a matter of microseconds.

 “It’s a long story,” she said, offish. “We used to date.”

 Hal froze. “ _Date_?!” he spat out.

 Barry looked at him meaningfully. Hal closed his mouth. She started to walk in the direction of the closest zeta beam, passing Hal by a few steps, as if to avoid meeting his eyes. Her back was still tight as a drum.

 “Long time ago, in college, I lived in California then. He probably doesn’t remember me anyway,” she explained.

 Hal, remembering the talk with Oliver about the female Barry, guessed he did. There weren’t many female Barrys, honestly.

 “And dating is an exaggeration,” she continued. “We went on a second date, he wanted sex, I didn’t. He was a dick about it so he got a face slap. The rumors escalated quickly.”

 Hal couldn’t imagine Barry and face slaps, so Ollie must have _really_ deserved that. Hal heard her taking a deep breath.

 “Let’s just say Oliver Queen isn’t the best memory of a man I have,” she added.

 “You know his full name?” he asked, not believing.

 “I’d met him before he became Green Arrow,” she explained. “I know he is different now, it’s just–”

 Suddenly she stopped walking, not saying anything. Her gaze wandered to the sky and she must have been thinking with superspeed again, her eyes absent.

 “I hate guys who act like that, like how he did,” she finished. “His attitude and hypocrisy didn’t help.”

 She picked up the pace and he looked at her from some distance, noticing how angry and scared she seemed at the same time.

 She stopped and turned around to fully face him. “Do you want a lift?” she asked.

 Hal snorted. He was _the_ man but he was also the one always carried around.

 “Sure,” he beamed. She smiled at him but the smile was a bit strained. He pretended not to see.

***************

 Hal knew something was wrong when Barry called him when he was at work. She never did that, knowing his work plan better than Hal. She was lucky he was having a break. He picked up.

 On the other end, Barry sniffed, not saying anything.

 “What is going on? Are you alright?” he asked instantly.

 “It’s just–” she stopped herself and a sob escaped her mouth. “Could you come home? I know you’re in Coast City but–”

 Hal’s heart froze. “Of course I can, Bear. I’ll be there in half an hour.”

 Half an hour suddenly seemed like awfully long time.

 “Ally is coming and I’m just too big of a mess to–” She sniffed again. “–to do anything. I know it’s a lot to ask, I just–”

 He cut her short, knowing she was getting less and less comprehensible, “Hey, it’s okay, Bear. I will be there, wait up and try to calm down.”

 There was crashing sound on her end. Hal almost got a heart attack.

 “Barry? What was that?” he asked. “Is there someone in the house with you?”

 She took a deep breath. “No, I’ve broken a glass by accident.”

 Hal exhaled.

 “It’s all so fucked up–” she said more to herself than to him. She never cursed.

 He wanted to ask again what happen but he knew if Barry told him, she would get more upset and she would spend next half an hour waiting for him more upset.

 “Wait for me, okay?”

 Hal changed and left locker room in hurry. He passed Carol in the corridor and she yelled after him but he ignored it. The trip to Central City seemed like the longest trip of his life.

 The house was open. He found Barry sitting on the stairs, her hands with cuts on them. He should have told her to leave the glass. She didn’t look _alive_ , for the lack of better word.

 She burst into tears when she saw him. Hal’s heart broke when he hugged her. She cried silently, shivering in his arms and sniffling, not resisting the gut-wrenching sobs. It was like she was trying to hide behind his chest. The tears gathered and gathered in her eyes without end.

 Hal caressed her cheek, her neck, and her arms. She was trembling less and less but her breathing was frantic. An involuntary whimpering escaped her lips. He played with her hair with his fingers and waited until he was sure she was calmed down enough to talk.

 “What has happened?” he whispered into her ear tenderly.

 She moved away from him a bit to look him in the eyes. The tear streamed on her cheeks.

 “It was all my fault, Hal,” she sobbed, turning away from his gaze. “My mum’s death is _my fault._ ”

 Hal took her hand in his, not understanding. “Don’t be silly,” he said gently. “You were only a kid.”

 “It was Zoom–” He knew she was fighting with during the whole week - she was coming home late and skipping lunches and _worrying_.

 Her chin trembled and she swiped at her eyes but the tears came anyway. “Zoom killed my mum because of me.”

 He looked at her surprised but only for a short moment. That was why she was so shaken up, so _grieving_.

 Hal wiped the tears with his palm. “Barry, he did it, not you.” It didn’t sound comforting enough.

 “He did it because of me–” she cried. “Because of the Flash, as a–”

 He couldn’t take it anymore, the whimpering, the tears, the clear heartbreak she was going through, the guilt she shouldn’t feel. He enclosed her in his arms again, putting his head on her forehead.

 A great tremor overtook her but she was still explaining, “–as a _motivation_ for the Flash.”

 Hal closed his eyes, feeling her hot tears his neck. The sound of wailing and suffering echoed throughout the whole house. A loud sob slipped her mouth and she reached with her hands for Hal’s shoulders.

 “ _It’s all my fault_ ,” she muttered into his shirt. “ _I ruined my parents’ life._ ”

 “It’s not, you didn’t,” he said, even though he knew it fell on deaf ears.

 She moaned through the suppressed sound of hiccups. It was so miserable.

 Hal held her tighter when she started mumbling incoherent things, sniffling from time to time. He wondered how long she had been repressing it all before he came.

 He helped her get up and kept her upright when her legs gave up. He took her to the bedroom and then to the bed. It was early but he covered the windows and let her sleep it off. She looked dead tired and when Hal got back to her side, she was crying with silent tears, her chest shaking with every breath.

 She fell asleep quickly, with Hal still stroking her cheek and holding her hand.

 He remembered about Ally coming when he heard her screaming for Barry downstairs. Hal moved fast, as fast as non-speedster could, before Ally decided to search for her in her bedroom.

 He saw her frowning in the kitchen doorframe.

 “Uncle Hal?” she asked, taken aback. “Aunt Barry said you had work today.”

 Hal gulped. Ally was so calm, so _unaware_.

 “I had but there was a change of plans,” he replied.

 She looked around. “Where is Aunt Barry? We were supposed to go on a dinner.”

 “She’s upstairs,” he said carefully. When Ally took a step in the stairs direction, he added, “She’s asleep.”

 Ally stilled, making a face. “It’s four in the afternoon,” she noticed.

 Hal looked up at the ceiling. “She wasn’t feeling well.”

 Ally eyed him, scrutinizing his every move. She stood there for a moment and then folded her arms on her chest. It was such a Barry-like gesture.

 “Can I hear the truth now?” she asked quietly.

 “It’s the truth.” Ally raised an eyebrow at that. “Really, she wasn’t feeling well. Emotionally.”

 Ally blinked. “Oh.” All of the energy she had a second ago escaped her all of sudden.

 _Oh_ summed it up pretty good. Hal sighed, rubbing his nose.

 “It’s just me and you, kid,” he said. “At least for now.’’

 Ally looked at the stairs. “Shouldn’t you go to her?” she whispered.

 Hal shook his head and came up to Ally, putting his hand on her shoulder and directing her into the kitchen.

 “She asked me to stay with you.”

 Ally looked down, on her knees. She hugged herself with one arm.

 “Can we cook something for her?” she asked again, determined again. “She always cooks me food when I’m upset.”

 Hal smiled sheepishly at her. “I can’t cook anything except meat.”

 She sent him a meaningful glance. “We can google it.”

 “Then let’s google it,” he said.

 They made simple olive _penne_ , which was a little burned but better than most things he had cooked in his life. Ally helped a lot.

 They woke her up and took downstairs. She had puffy, red eyes but Hal and Ally politely didn’t comment it. Barry gave them grateful smile.

 They ate the food and Barry said it was very good even though Hal saw how she grimaced from time to time on especially burned pasta. She finished first, eating much less than usual and observed them.

 Her gaze looked as if she was afraid Hal and Ally would vanish any second. Hal touched her feet with his under the table.

 Ally glanced between the two of them. “Do you still have Scrabbles?” she asked.

 Barry furrowed her eyebrows. “I do,” she replied faintly.

 “Can we play it tonight?” she continued.

 Barry looked at Hal. He shrugged, raising his eyebrows - he knew what Ally was trying to do.

 “I don’t see why not,” Barry answered.

 “Crap,” he said. They looked at him. “I’m rubbish at Scrabbles.”

 Hal spent Friday night losing at Scrabbles, using words like _save_ or _plane_ , while a twelve-year-old and a CSI won using words like _amphibians_ or _environment_.

 Barry didn’t cry that night and that was the important part.

***************

 Yes, Hal was aware there was a lot of things Barry kept secret along with her secret identity. No, he didn't mind.

 Most people would be afraid of her being different, of losing _the old_ Barry. But he didn't see much of a difference between the old and the new one - they were, in the end, the same person. 

 As he said, he should have fallen out of love with her but he had only fallen _deeper._

 

 

 

EDIT: 02/01/2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer is officially dead. Like, truly dead. I will get a new one after my paycheck but the only free time I have until the end of the school is now so I'll publish the last chapter in June at best. Again, I have it all planned, I just have to re-write it in English.
> 
> Yhm, Idk what to write more
> 
> Ym, if someone saw mistakes, well, there are probably many of them, but if someone saw some horrifying ones, do tell. I didn't beta-read much ^^"


	4. Almost there

 Hal spent the Christmas with Barry. Or rather with Barry, Darryl, Iris, and Ally. There was nothing weird about it - Hal didn’t want to spend Christmas arguing with his brothers or sit around alone in his empty apartment in Coast City. After the disaster that was the Thanksgiving, Hal wasn’t going to take the polite invitations from his brothers, he told them he was going to spend Christmas with his girlfriend, even though Barry technically wasn’t his girlfriend yet. They probably thought he meant Carol anyway.

 Barry offered to spend Christmas together just after Hal, pissed off, got back from the Thanksgiving.

 “Well, it isn’t a bad idea,” he admitted. “Christmas at Jordan household was strange since dad’s death anyway.”

 Barry furrowed her eyebrows at that. She was sitting a bit further away from Hal than usually, on the couch, hugging the cushion, but her legs were resting on Hal’s laps. She had on a pair of socks with Superman’s logo. She leaned forward on her elbows, a few inches in his direction.

 “How’s that?” she asked. “I thought you all stopped getting along after your mom had died.”

 Hal mostly put it this way, like his mom’s death was the turning point, and there was some truth in it. After his dad died, no one was getting on well, _especially_ with Hal, but after his mom died, the rest of the connection he had with his family changed from _not too good_ to _truly bad_. The truth was, Hal still tried only because of his nephews, niece and the memory of his parents.

 “It’s not even that. Dad was Catholic,” he explained slowly. “Mom was Jewish. Mom used to organize Hanukkah and dad organized the Christmas. Without dad, she didn’t really know what to do.”

 Christmas in Jordan family was awkward at best. Usually, they treated it like a normal day and Christmas didn’t look like in most American families. It was more of an ordinary dinner and there were no presents. Of course, it had looked completely different before Hal’s dad died but he didn’t like to remember those times.

 The memories of Christmas never were too nice for him - it was either a quiet table with his depressed mom in the background or a bitter memory of his dad’s smile while they were decorating the Christmas tree.

 “Do you want us to celebrate the Hanukkah?” Barry asked, cutting the silence he lost himself in.

 Hal looked at her with wide eyes, surprised, blinking fast. He put his hand on her muscled calves.

 “What? Why would I?” he replied.

 Barry rolled her eyes but she was smiling, a warm spark in her gaze.

 “Since your mom was Jewish, theoretically, by the rule of inheritance in Judaism, you’re Jewish too,” she said. “And it’s your mom’s tradition. There is some time left, Ally could come and we would share the eight evenings of Hanukkah.”

 Hal smiled at her with a certain fondness. The whole conversation was really Barry like. Patient and understanding, and Hal’s chest filled with warmth, and he almost entirely forgot about the tragedy of the Thanksgiving he had just gone through.

 “Nah, it’s alright,” he answered in the end, much more relaxed and peaceful than two minutes ago. “We weren’t religious in general. Maybe it’s a bit disrespectful to mom but I don’t need Hanukkah to be happy. We weren’t raised in a Jewish way much.”

 Barry hid her face in the cushion, pouting.

 “You sure?” she whispered.

 Hal dragged her by her legs to himself, until she slipped from the armrest she was laying on and straightened her back on the couch’s sit.

 “Sure as the sun will rise,” he muttered, caressing her knees.

 Barry didn’t try to go back to the previous position, quite the opposite - she neared Hal. He could feel her buttocks on his lap. Her thighs, trained by the running, _powerful_ , from time to time touched his biceps when she was swinging her legs.

 “You will have to cook something,” she spat out. “For Christmas, I mean. It’s customary in our family, everyone cooks.”

 Hal looked down at her, smirking and narrowing his eyes. “I won’t be cooking meat instead of you anyway?”

Barry kicked his thigh with her heel and Hal pretended it hurt. _Everyone_ was making fun of her inability to cook meat.

 “Even if you are going to,” she remarked. “You will have to make something just by yourself too. Dad will, Iris will.”

 Hal put her legs back flat on his laps, leaning on his arm against her knees and thighs. He glanced at her feet, wondering if there was something he was able to cook for Christmas.

 "I can make peppermint bark," he admitted. "Dad always did it for Christmas."

 Barry mumbled under her breath but it was an affectionate, calming sound.

 "Just a lot of it, please," she filled in, closing her eyes.

 She was very warm and Hal knew she was going to fall asleep any minute. She always warmed up before falling asleep, like a space heater.

 Hal decided he would confess on Christmas when they would be left alone after the Christmas dinner and Barry's vintage radio would still be playing cliché Christmas carols.

 (However, when Hal got back to Earth after a long week three galaxies away, mostly spent on trying to withhold the interplanetary war, he found Barry sitting near the windowsill in the living room. She was calmly reading a book when Hal took off his jacket and boots. He probably needed a shower but Barry had never minded, greeting with him either way.

  There was a menorah on the windowsill, with nine candles, looking just like the one he remembered from his childhood.

 Barry put down her book when Hal didn’t speak up for a couple of minutes.

 “I know you said you didn’t want to celebrate the Hanukkah but I thought maybe you should,” she said slowly, getting up. “I won’t force you, of course, just-“

 Hal blinked a few times. Nothing to say came to his mind. Hal wasn’t fond of religion – both Catholicism and Judaism – or the whole idea of faith, belief. His family wasn’t religious and Hal himself had seen too much weird shit too believe in god. The Hanukkah was one of the things they considered a tradition in Jordan household, just like the Christmas. Traditions, for Hal, were connected with heavy, unpleasant memories.

 Before Barry asked him, he hadn’t been missing the Hanukkah. Seeing the menorah, a lot of memories came back and he realized that every one of them got a bit better, thanks to Barry.

 “It’s alright,” he answered in the end and he let the air out of his lungs. “Isn’t it too late for that, though?”

  Barry tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at him softly.

 “It’s the last day today. The eighth. I will go for the lighter,” she stated at last and headed to the kitchen.

 Hal let his eyes follow her until she disappeared behind the doors. Menorah was still standing on the windowsill, it was dark outside but Hal knew well enough that, through the window, one could see the street. Just like the tradition said, like his mom always said.

 When Barry got back, Hal _tried_ to snap out and stop staring at the menorah. She had a long lighter with herself, the one Hal remembered she often took with herself going to the cemetery to light the candles at her mum’s grave. It was kid-friendly, the one which was long enough not to burn yourself.

 Without a word, she handed it to Hal. He didn’t do anything, looking between the lighter, Barry and the menorah, so she nudged him with her elbow.

 “Do the honors,” she urged.

 Hal shoved back the lighter to her. “You do it,” he spat out. “Light up the Shamash, I mean the-“

“-the middle one, I know,” she cut in. “Are you sure?”

 Hal nodded at her, much more relaxed than a few minutes ago. He was still holding her hand, the one that fisted the lighter.

 Barry left him to dim part of the lights in the living room. The mood was stirring this way but Hal wished he could see her face as clearly as before.

 “I’m going to do it now,” she said, standing next to Hal again.

 Their shoulders were touching and Hal felt the warmth her body usually emitted.

 She lit up the Shamash and Hal closed his eyes, reciting the blessings his mum used to recite every year after lighting up the Shamash. He recited them quietly, more to himself, under his breath, even though he knew Barry, standing so close, would hear. They were only the English versions of the blessings, not the Hebrew ones. Even though his mum always pried in English _and_ in Hebrew, their family was Catholic more than Jewish, so he had never learned Hebrew.

 Barry didn’t comment on it and Hal was grateful. She nudged him again with her elbow.

 “Light up the rest of the candles,” she said.

 Hal took her hand into his own but reached for the Shamash – it was a bit oily and its flame was tickling his fingers pleasantly. Barry’s palm had a couple of scrapes.

 He lit all of the eight candles, one by one, going from left to right. Each flame reflected in the glass of the window and Hal could see the reflection of his mum, smiling, unstrained, unlike after his dad’s death.

 He put the Shamash on its rightful place. Barry clutched his fingers. When he looked at her face, she had a calm, content smile. Hal got the deepest desire to kiss her forehead and hug her.

 “Wait here,” she said, letting go of him and scuttling to the kitchen.

 Hal’s eyes followed her absently.

 She came back with a tray of donuts and chocolate coins. In another hand, she was holding a dreidel, wooden, with Hebrew letters painted on it. Hal hadn’t seen the dreidel since he was ten years old. He blinked when he felt warmth in his chest.

 “Are we gonna play the dreidel game?” he asked, a bit breathless.

 “Only if you want to,” she answered gently, placing the tray and the dreidel on the coffee table.

 Hal bit his lip, much closer to tears than two minutes before.

 “Of course I want to,” he blurted out.

 Almost the whole next hour they spent eating a dozen jelly-filled donuts and snacking from time to time on the chocolate coins that were still in the game. They were sitting together on the couch, sideways to the menorah, Hal had an arm around her waist and her toes were grazing his socks.

 Hal glanced to the menorah, smelling Barry’s strawberry shampoo and recalling how his mom used to say that the Hanukkah is a time to be grateful and thankful, a time of thanks-giving. Maybe the Hanukkah with Barry was a compensation for the disaster of Thanksgiving he had with his brothers. Maybe.

 Hal opened his mouth, wanting to say he loves her. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and noticed she had already fallen asleep. He sighed.

 Barry fell asleep on the couch, hugging his arm, with lips stained in chocolate and the menorah candles burned out. Hal felt a bit as if he regained a part of carefree himself he had lost more than fifteen years before.

 [Hal wasn’t a religious Catholic or religious Jewish but since that Hanukkah, Barry arranged for him things he related to childhood with his mom. There wasn’t much, the Jewish holidays were usually all about intentions, fasting and going to synagogue but there were small things Hal remembered from his childhood and about which he told Barry.

 Planting trees for Tu B’Shevat or eating honey-dipped apples on Rosh Hashanah. Hal loved those tiny gestures which reminded him of his family’s better days and of which his mom would be proud.])

 Hal was quite nervous before Christmas. For many reasons. The first one was buying gifts, even though Barry said that in their family only kids received bigger presents, Hal was panicking more about the adults. Ally was easy to please – superhero themed t-shirts, bags or other things were enough to satisfy her, add a book or two and she would be overjoyed. With Darryl, it was easy enough since Barry told Hal that he collected various mugs (which she took after him) and he used ties every day for work. Hal didn’t know Iris that well but she had already decided what she wanted from him (an interview with Green Lantern and a charm for a bracelet from her favorite collection). He didn’t know what to buy Barry.

 When asked, she answered him, “Your presence is enough for me, Hal.”

 Normally, it would be sweet, but he hated that answer.

 Barry wasn’t a woman who wore jewelry or used makeup. She had bedroom and living room full of books. Yes, she liked to hoard cute mugs but he wasn’t going to buy her just a mug. Choosing a gift for her was stressful. In the end, he decided on two pairs of modest earrings and a new messenger bag. He may have overdone it but it was for Barry and, in Hal’s mind, there was no overdoing.

 The Christmas day was fast in an ordinary way. Hal cooked peppermint bark a day before and Barry prepared most of the food beforehand. Oyster stew was in the fridge, ready to heat up, and the fruitcake was lying in the cupboard. The turkey, puree, and salads had to be prepared on the same day.

 Hal moved the table in the kitchen away from the wall and brought extra chairs from upstairs. He spiced the turkey and put it in the oven, looking at it from time to time. The smell of mistletoe hung in the whole house and the Christmas songs were being played on Barry’s vintage radio.

 Hal stopped in the middle of the kitchen, watching Barry who was calmly shelling the eggs, humming under her breath.

 “Why aren’t you doing it with superspeed?” he asked her suddenly, realizing that the whole day she had been doing everything with no hurry.

 Barry shrugged, stopping on humming.

 “This is the _normal people_ way,” she blurted out. “Besides, I like it. You can get more into the spirit.”

  Hal leaned against the countertop. “Can I help with anything?”

 Barry hummed, switching the leg she was putting her weight on. She made a suggestive move with her hips and Hal glanced away at the fridge.

 “You can lay the table,” she said, reaching for the knife. She was preparing deviled eggs. “And start on heating up the stew.”

 Hal did just that. He checked on the turkey and stashed the deviled eggs in the fridge.

 When everything was ready and the stew was boiling on the burner, he paused next to her, gazing at the laid table, which just waited for the guests. They were playing _Last Christmas_ on the radio.

 Barry’s face was content if not a bit absent. Hal grabbed her hand, caressing her fingers and bracing himself, saving his confidence and his breath, along with many other emotions. His heart was racing.

 “You know,” he began slowly. “There is something I have been wanting to tell you for a while.”

 Barry glanced up at him through her lashes, and her head was practically leaning on his shoulder. Hal licked his lips, feeling as if his heart was going to break out of his chest any minute.

 “We’ve known each other for a long time,” he whispered. “Maybe at the beginning, not everything was simple and maybe we already are best friends and maybe we’re already living together but I wanted to be clear with you.”

 He caught her by her arm.

 “You and me. I-“

 The phone rang.

 “Crap, I forgot to call the Garricks,” she blurted out, diving for the phone.

 Hal scratched his nose, sighing.

 The doorbell rang and Hal opened the door for Darryl since Barry was still talking with Jay. Darryl handed him the sheets with apple pie and cinnamon rolls and put down the presents. He took off his jacket and headed to the living room. Barry gave him a half-hug, still talking with the Garricks.

 Darryl cut the pie and left it on the top of the fridge. Hal stirred the stew. Barry’s laugh echoed throughout the whole house. Hal sighed, closing his eyes.

 Darryl sent him a strange look. “You’re awfully a lot here. Have you told her yet?” he asked.

 Hal should be a bit suspicious that Barry’s dad supported him so much. Fathers-in-law (not that Darryl was going to be one anytime soon) were supposed to be disapproving.

 Hal sighed again at the question.

 “Almost,” he said. “The fate is against me.”

 Darryl snorted, rolling his eyes.

 The doorbell rang but before Hal even moved, he heard opening doors.

 “Aunt Barry!” Ally’s voice pealed out.

 Darryl smiled in the way that, at least in Hal’s opinion, resembled Barry– the smile was tired, calm, with wide-open eyes, content. Sometimes Hal wondered if Darryl really wasn’t her biological dad.

 Iris entered the kitchen with Barry, Ally still gummed to her arm. Iris, on a big, wooden plank had a gingerbread house and, in the second hand, she was clutching a cooling bag. Hal raised an eyebrow.

 “We made two gingerbread houses and I brought eggnog with myself,” Iris said.

 Darryl and Hal furrowed their eyebrows at that, staring at the gingerbread house.

 “Where is the second one then?” he asked.

 Ally got so red on her face that some of her freckles blended in with the blush on her cheeks. Iris laughed.

 “Ally ate it yesterday,” she stated.

 “Aunt I, you _were not_ supposed to tell that!” she squealed.

 Barry grinned and Darryl shook his head. Hal knew Ally had serious, speedster metabolism but a whole gingerbread house?

 “You should have made three,” he blurted out. “One for Ally, one for Barry and one for the rest of us, normal people.”

 Just after it left his mouth, he realized Darryl didn’t know they were both speedsters. Hal could only hope he would think of it as a joke.

 Darryl snorted and Iris giggled. Barry’s face and ears became pink and Hal couldn’t turn his eyes from her.

 Darryl cleared his throat and Iris smirked.

 “Let’s eat the oyster stew,” Barry’s dad offered.

  Barry smiled, Ally gathered the bowls from the table. Hal paused next to Barry, knowing that Ally shouldn’t carry fully filled bowls back to the table if they didn’t want to mop the floor the same night.

 “I’ll pass,” Iris grimaced. “You know I hate oyster stew.”

 A minute later Hal realized that Barry and Darryl hated it too. Hal, generally used to eating seafood, liked oyster stew just enough. Even if he didn’t, he had eaten much more disgusting things while being in space. Ally just liked the food in general and didn’t care what was the food in question.

 Hal made a face. “I don’t understand,” he remarked. “If no one likes it, why cook it at all?”

 Barry took a spoonful of stew, grimacing.

 “Nora used to always make oyster stew for Christmas,” Darryl explained.

 The usage of Nora’s name said it all.

 “Alright,” he said. “Can I have seconds? Ally, do you want some seconds?”

 Ally smiled sheepishly and nodded, handing him her bowl. Hal checked on the turkey and turned off the oven.

 Hal poured them both some stew and Barry gathered dirty bowls, strained the potatoes. Iris got up to bring the salads and deviled eggs on the table.

 Hal, seeing all the dishes on the table, noticed how many of them there were.

 The second course they ate in peace. Because they had two speedsters at the table, most of the food vanished. Darryl was munching on the rest of the turkey with a tad of suspiciousness.

 “It the first time you’ve made such good turkey, Bear,” he remarked.

 Iris raised an eyebrow and Ally giggled into her hand. Barry was blushing and Hal’s face felt warm all of sudden.

 “Actually, it was all Hal’s doing,” she mumbled, rubbing her neck.

 Darryl snorted again. He did that a lot around Hal. He looked at him and in his eyes was the same question everyone was asking for some time. _Are you together yet?_

 Hal turned his gaze away.

 “Hm,” Darryl started. “It explains a lot.”

 Barry and Ally brought the fruitcake, apple pie, and the cinnamon rolls. They laid down the nuts and peppermint bark. Iris put the gingerbread house in the middle of the table. Iris poured them all some eggnog and Hal heated up chocolate with marshmallows for Ally. Darryl took a piece of fruitcake.

 He furrowed his eyebrows after the first bite. Hal didn’t know what it was about – he tried the fruitcake in the morning when it was still a bit hot and it was delicious.

 “You didn’t add nuts?” Darryl asked.

 Barry glanced down at the pot with hot chocolate. Ally was glued to her arm.

 “Hal is allergic to hazelnuts and walnuts,” she said quietly.

 Iris smiled at Hal and Darryl sighed. For Hal, it wasn’t a big change in the recipe but maybe devil was in the details.

 Ally was calmly drinking her hot chocolate with a big amount of marshmallows and cream.

 When everyone, speedsters included, was full, Barry got up from the table.

 “It’s time for the presents.”

 The Christmas tree in the living room wasn’t huge, mostly because of the low ceiling. It looked a bit sad, with not many decorations on it. When they decorated it with Barry a couple of days before, she found old decorations from her childhood and there simply weren’t many that weren’t broken.

 Ally abandoned her hot chocolate and ran up to the living room. The rest stood up from the table and Hal had a desire to grab her – he would probably do that if not for Darryl who was _looking at them_.

 For some reason, Ally didn’t reach for her presents. She gathered a small box who was for Darryl – it was present from Hal – and a couple of others, similar size. Every one of them smoothly wrapped in paper, except for one tiny box.

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows.

 Barry grabbed his arm and Darryl frowned for a second. Ally ran up to him with the presents, practically jumping.

 “It’s a tradition – we begin with the oldest person in the room,” Barry told him.

 Ally was ecstatic, giving up presents for everyone the whole evening. Darryl got a small collection of ties, cufflinks, and tickets to the hockey match. He got a bunch of mugs with different patterns – Ally smiled at him when he unwrapped a handmade mug with engraved _Captain Frye_ on it and a surprisingly well-drawn picture of a gun, police badge and cuffs. Darryl ruffled her hair and Ally’s cheeks reddened. Her smile was energizing.

 Barry was next, older than Iris and Hal. She got a similar handmade mug from Ally – it was colorful, with _CSI Allen_ engraved, with a black handprint on it, the black surface changed into rainbow fingerprints when touched. Iris got her a sweater dress, one with a turtleneck – it looked expensive. Darryl bought her oxfords, one she would never buy herself, not wanting to spend so much on shoes that would get destroyed with how much she runs on a daily basis. His present for her was the biggest in size, a leather messenger bag in a vintage style and two pairs of earrings – a fake pearl one and one with butterflies.

 Iris was next, older than him by a couple of months. She got a personalized mug from Ally – one with her first front page article imprinted on. Barry bought her one of this expensive Japanese notebook sets and Darryl gave her a simple voucher to her next café.

 He got his own mug. It had a plane in white paint and was completely black – Ally told him it will change while hot and it did, into a Green Lantern symbol with a shadow of a plane on the side. Iris bought him Green Lantern cufflinks and Darryl bought him a new leather wallet with a chain. Barry bought him that hoodie he tried on the last time they were in the mall but decided it cost too much and another power back, and a beanie.

 “You keep forgetting it’s not California,” she said then. “A winter hat will do you good.”

 Ally, of course, had the biggest amount of presents. He and Barry were wrapping most of them the last evening. She had a set of Justice League shirts, a new Flash backpack, Green Lantern bedsheets, Batman and Superman socks, physics books Hal wouldn’t be able to understand, a copy of _History of American Superheroes_ , and a ton of sweets.

 Ally was just explaining to Darryl, putting on her Flash t-shirt, how she’s going to fight crime and how she is going to work for the police like Aunt Barry and make everyone proud. Darryl nodded along, a fond expression overcoming his face - Hal imagined he probably had already heard it with Barry.

 Barry’s phone rang. It wasn’t the usual signal so it wasn’t a Flash call but Barry frowned checking the screen anyway. She picked up, standing up. There was a moment of silence and then she said, “Yes, I accept all the charges.”

 She moved out of the living room with a bittersweet face and Hal’s gaze wandered after her until she disappeared in the kitchen and he heard the back door closing.

 He got up to go after her.

 “I’d leave her alone for a couple of minutes, son,” Darryl spoke up, frowning at him. “She’s talking to her father.”

 “I know,” he replied. “But she’s obviously upset so I’ll just go and be there.”

 Iris smiled into her hand. It may have been the right thing to say because Darryl sighed and nodded at him.

 Barry was sitting on the stairs of the back porch, not minding the freezing wind.

 “Are you alright?” he asked.

 She turned around to him, putting a finger over her lips, hushing him. She was still talking through the phone, a subtle frown on her face.

 “No, dad, that was just Hal. Yeah, the one I told you about,” she said. Then, to Hal, “Dad says Merry Christmas.”

 Hal was a little taken aback. He sat down next to her, despite feeling the cold overcoming his body, and put a hand on her knee.

 “Say it back, I guess?”

 Barry chuckled but it sounded strained. “He heard it,” she told Hal.

 She talked with her dad for about ten minutes, her face not changing. At some point, Hal wrapped an arm around her, huddling for warmth. She stopped at some point and Hal didn’t hear what her dad said exactly but Barry didn’t answer for a minute.

 “There’s something I have to tell you,” she spoke up, dead serious. Hal tightened the hold around her. “I found the one who killed mom.”

 Hal realized she actually did. Because Zoom did it. She found out about a month and a half ago and Hal was sure she met with her father in the time being but maybe she didn’t know how to tell him.

 “Dad, calm down,” she said after a minute. “Listen, I know who did it, I know and I know it’s dangerous. I know. But I’m going to find proof anyway and you’re getting out.”

  Barry pinched the bridge of her nose, clenching the phone in her hand.

 “I have a happy life, dad,” she told him calmly. “But it’d be happier if you were here with me.”

 She ended the call saying, “I love you, dad.” She silenced out, looking at the street lights and her mouth quivered.

 “Are you alright?” he asked again.

 She glanced at him, her eyes glassy but her smile a bit more relaxed.

 “I’ll be,” she told him.

 She leaned into him, her cheeks laying on his shoulder, her hot breath on Hal’s neck.

 “I have something for you,” she said all of sudden. “I didn’t want to give it to you in front of others in case you don’t want it.”

 She took out a few keys bound together with a plane keychain. He looked between the keys and her face.

 “Those are all the keys to the house. I know you’ve been using the spare the whole time,” she explained. “If you want, you can move in with me officially and stop renting the apartment in Coast City. I have the paperwork ready, it just needs your signature and you’ll be an official resident of the house. If you want to.”

 Hal grinned at her, taking her hand into his. The keys clanged.

 “Of course I want to, Bear,” he answered. “I’d love to.”

 She smiled, far brighter than two minutes ago. He leaned into her and she wrapped her arms around him, chuckling. ~~He was going to kiss her then.~~

 Darryl opened the back door, clearing his throat.

 “Come on, kids,” he said. Hal hadn’t been called a _kid_ in almost ten years. “It’s time for the photo albums.”

 Barry groaned and Hal laughed. He really wanted to see how she looked when younger.

 He didn’t tell her on Christmas.

 (Barry was a rebel teen, Darryl told him. An angry kid. She fought with discrimination since sixth grade and preferred books and science over people. Hal saw one particularly beautiful photo of her smiling with a black, petite girl, Katie Mitchel, her girlfriend in eleventh grade. Barry had long, softly curled hair, a bunch of freckled across her nose and barely-there makeup, her eyes sparkling from the picture.)

 He didn’t tell her on the New Year either. There was a Joker problem in Gotham and Batman asked them to help along with Diana. They spent New Year in the Batcave and not having a romantic walk on the beach as Hal planned.

 

 

***************

 

 

  She had scars. A lightning scars, Lichtenberg figures. In some places, battle scars.

  Hal found out when he finally took her and Ally to the beach. It was straight after the New Year, a day or two later. He proposed going to Australia and Barry agreed, saying relaxing would do all them good.

 This way, Hal was sitting on the armchair and watching Barry putting Ally a second layer of sunscreen. Ally was wearing a pink frilled tankini Hal bought her the first time he mentioned going to the beach together. Barry was still wearing a summer dress but she had a swimsuit under it. Hal put on his swimming shorts. It looked absolutely hilarious since it was snowing outside.

 “Isn’t it too much sunscreen already?” he asked, observing Ally’s face. It was almost white.

 Barry raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever had freckles?”

 Hal had to deny it. She probably knew the struggle.

 “Anyway, I’ll pack the towels and we can go.”

 She stood up and Ally and Hal observed her body moving upstairs.

 When Barry was out of their sight, Ally asked, “It’s too much sunscreen, isn’t it?”

 Hal chuckled. “Absolutely too much.”

 “ _I heard it_!” Barry screamed from upstairs.

 Ally’s face reddened.

 “Can you swim?” Hal asked.

 Ally shook her head. “Will you teach me?”

 “Sure, kid,” he answered. “You will swim in no time.”

 Barry came downstairs, carrying a huge beach bag with towels and other _absolutely necessary_ things. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and searched once again the whole bag if everything was there. Hal stared at the smooth skin of her thighs and sharp collarbone. He may have stared too long because Ally kicked his ankle.

 “You’re not putting sunscreen?” he asked, clearing his throat.

 “Later,” she answered, smiling. “Ready to go?”

 They were in Australia in about twenty minutes, Hal carried by Barry. When they reached the coast, Hal took the charge and made construction so they could fly in the green aura with him. They found a beach no one could see – one between two cliffs, far away from people.

 Barry put the towels down and Ally left to the water almost the same second they landed.

 Barry took off her summer dress, showing him a flounced black top and high waisted bikini bottom. He didn’t expect that – he thought she would have one of the modest tankinis or a one-piece swimsuit. He had never seen her so exposed. Her belly was flat or even a bit shaped with abs, her shoulders looked wider than usual and her ass was perky as always but at least once not hidden by any kinds of material. Hal, hot in the face, put sunscreen on Barry who sat between his legs, massaging her shoulders. She leaned, hugging her knees and for the first time, he noticed the scarring.

 His hand hovered over the skin of her back and she looked at him over her shoulder.

 “Hal?”

 “I just- You have-“ he rambled. He didn’t know why – it was obvious she knew about the scarring. It was on her body, after all.

 “Scars?” she finished for him. She rolled her eyes. “I was struck by lightning _before_ getting the superspeed. Those are Lichtenberg figures, burns caused by the high voltage running through my body.”

 The scarring was on her whole back, one of the lines slipped down her side almost at her bikini line and ended high on her thigh. She also had one straight line of milky skin on her neck that wasn’t a lightning scar and a bullet scar under her left shoulder.

 “That’s why my back needs to be white with sunscreen,” she added.

 Hal understood that. He guessed she wasn’t self-conscious about them – there was nothing to make her self-conscious, the scars looked like paintings in Hal’s opinion. He traced the thickest one with his finger and Barry shivered under his hand.

 Her skin was practically white and she had a gunny streak of sunscreen across her nose, where most of her freckles showed. Ally, a little less white thanks to the water that cleaned the sunscreen a bit, was searching for shells.

 Barry took her book out of the bag, putting it on her knees and leaned back against Hal. It was quite hot without their skin touching but Hal felt something like sunburns in the places their bodies touched. He put his chin on her shoulder, making a shadow over the text, and wrapped his arms around her slim waist. To be honest, they slept like that a lot – Hal sometimes used the master bedroom even when Ally wasn’t sleeping in the guest room. Barry usually read before going to bed if she wasn’t too tired, curling on her side and Hal would put his arm around her and nuzzle into her neck. He just never did it with naked chest and her being basically in underwear. Looking down, he could easily see her cleavage, something that didn’t happen often.

 She put one of her hands over his palm and Hal leaned back a bit, lovestruck.

 “Bear,” he began, whispering.

 She didn’t turn away from her book. “Yeah?”

 “I- Well, I want to tell you something,” he said, struggling with words. Barry only hummed in response. “You’re really important to me.”

 Barry tensed under his arms and Hal’s heartbeat sped up. He wasn’t scared per se, but he was worried. If she reacted badly, Hal didn’t know what he would do. She was his whole world.

 “Hal,” she sputtered, sounding breathless. “Where’s Ally? I can’t see her anywhere.”

 Hal looked at the sea and Ally was nowhere in sight. He unwrapped his arms from Barry’s waist.

 “She was just there,” he exclaimed.

 Barry got up, looking around frantic and Hal stood up, doing the same.

 “She can’t swim, Hal,” Barry spat out, panic in her voice. “What if something happened? What if she tripped somewhere and- There’s so much wracks around- What if she-“

 “Barry,” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Calm down, she has to be here, okay? She was her just a second ago. She’s probably hidden somewhere.”

 Barry’s forehead wrinkled and Hal took her arm.

 Almost at the same moment, Ally came from around the corner of the cliff on the right. The water there reached over her elbows.

 “Look, Aunt Barry!” she said cheerfully. “I found so many colorful seashells!”

 Hal exhaled, feeling the panic going away.

 “ _Allison Wallis West!_ ” Barry fumed. “ _What did I tell you about straying away without saying anything?_ ”

 Ally hunched her shoulders, looking almost as scared as she did the first time she met Hal. He frowned at that.

 “I’m sorry, Aunt Barry,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to-“

 “It’s alright, kid,” he interrupted, feeling how uneasy she was. Barry gave her stern glance but opened her arms nonetheless – Ally hugged her almost instantly. “Just don’t give us more heart attacks.”

 He ruffled her hair and she glanced at him sheepishly.

 Barry exhaled, her whole body relaxing. “You know you shouldn’t vanish like that. You know it could mean many things,” she reprimanded.

 Hal guessed she probably meant any danger their way of living meant. Just because they were in Australia didn’t mean any of their enemies wouldn’t show. Yes, Ally could vanish because she was drowning but she could vanish because she was kidnapped too.

 “Let’s start the swimming lessons, okay?” he told her. “It may calm down you aunt a bit if will be able to actually swim when we’re surrounded by water.”

 He was really close to telling her that day. He didn’t.

 

 

***************

 

  Hal decided a date would be the best option. The problem was, she didn’t realize it was a date.

  On Tuesday, after getting back to Earth from a week and half long absent, when he slept off about sixteen hours, he woke up full of energy and _courage_. Barry was speed-washing the dishes from breakfast, still having about ten minutes before work. She was probably going to be late anyway, a speedster trait.

 Cheerful, energetic and courageous, he stopped at the sink, next to Barry. He leaned against the countertop, trying to look as seducing as he could in sweatpants and coffee stained wife-beater and grinned at her. She furrowed her eyebrows at him but there was a spark in her eyes.

 “How about going out, Bear? This Saturday, for a dinner?” he asked firmly.

 “Sure, why not,” she answered simply.

 She dried her hands with the kitchen cloth. Hal knew it wasn’t the most romantic moment but it was so domesticated, so suiting their relationship and Hal’s current lifestyle.

 “Find something nicer to wear, I’ll take you to the restaurant in New Brighton,” he added, smiling triumphal. It was easier than he thought.

 He also gave himself additional points for saying _something to wear_ and not _a dress_. Barry was quite hot in a suit, he couldn’t forget about it.

 Saying goodbye to her at the door, waiting for her to leave as he always did when he could, he started having doubts. It was too easy.

 “Are you sure you want to go out?” he asked.

 Barry adjusted her messenger bag on her arm.

 “Of course,” she said absently, searching in her pockets for keys. Hal handed them her without a word. “We’d do it anyway, just not in the restaurant, I guess. Seems like a waste with how much I eat but if you want to eat something better.”

 Hal opened his mouth and closed them, clenching his jaw. Maybe taking her out for a dinner to a restaurant wasn’t such a clear statement of his intentions, especially since they went out to dinner all the time, just not to a restaurant.

 It didn’t mean Hal would give up. He would simply tell her how he feels about her in the restaurant or after dinner, on some romantic walk in the park.

 Barry put on her jacket. “We’ll see later, at lunch?” she asked.

 Hal nodded and leaned into her. He kissed her forehead.

 Her face became red and Hal realized what he had just done. It was natural for him to do it, he mostly held it back but it was natural for him, something obvious, something he wanted to do every time they said goodbyes and Hal was ashamed he did it now. It was a step, maybe forward, because their whole relationship, Hal had to admit, was built on ignoring certain things, things like that kiss. Their relationship was strong and stable, yes, but it was also hesitant. Hal should have remembered that.

 Barry said to him quick, “See you,” and left for work.

 

 This way, Hal waited for Barry on Saturday at five o’clock downstairs. She’d just got back from a patrol, already late for their reservation, changing in the bathroom upstairs. It wouldn’t take long with her.

 She ran downstairs, still putting on one of the earrings she got from Hal for Christmas. She was wearing a pale blue, loose, knee-long dress with halter neck and form-fitting waist. The earring matched the decorative bobby pins with pearls she had in her hair. Hal loved her in dresses but loved her in suits and in costumes and in sweatpants and in dress pants too.

 Hal, wearing a pale green shirt and black dress pants smiled at her.

 “I think I have to do something with my hair though,” she said even though Hal didn’t say a word.

 Her hair was messy except for the pinned down bangs. Barry had had some type of undercut as long as he had known her. Her hair was shorter on the bottom and longer at the top – so long they almost reached her chin. They became a bit longer the last couple of months and Hal could grab a handful of the shorter ones while ruffling them.

 “You should go to a hairdresser this week,” he told her, standing at her side, next to the wall mirror.

 She tried to do something with them using a comb but it wasn’t so easy.

 “Maybe,” she told him absently.

 The shorter hair was sticking out from under the longer ones.

 “Or you can grow them,” he remarked. “You looked good with long hair in high school,” he added, remembering the photos Darryl showed him on Christmas.

 Barry tensed in a second. She closed her eyes, turning her gaze from Hal. He felt cold, seeing her tense shoulders, clenched jaw and delicately furrowed eyebrows. She relaxed but it was forced.

 “I don’t do long hair,” she told him slowly, choosing her words carefully. “I just don’t.”

 Hal, learning from the experience with her, didn’t stop there, “But why?”

 Barry licked her lips, looking down at her feet. There were goose bumps on her skin. When she turned her gaze back to the mirror, her face was indifferent and Hal had never seen her so emotionless.

 “You know, in court, Chris Adams told me I asked for it. That I shouldn’t have worn dresses and skirts,” she spoke up, making Hal’s blood run cold. “He said I looked like a doll with my blue eyes and long blond hair. My long blond hair and blue eyes asked for it.”

 Hal held his breath when she gave him a miserable smile. He grabbed her hand, squeezing, his body tight as a drum.

 Hal shouldn’t be surprised. Deep down he had this thought, those suspicions. The way she dressed, how uncomfortable she felt in too feminine clothes, how she was so afraid of public opinion about her being a woman, how fierce she was regarding assaults and disrespect of women. For some reason, Hal remembered what that firefighter told her – about her not wanting to date because of jerks in high school. Why she disliked Oliver so much.

 He took a deep breath. He didn’t know what to say to make it okay. Probably there weren’t any words that would make it okay. He rubbed her palm with his thumb. She glanced at him, her eyebrows furrowed and her shoulder still hunched.

 “I liked my long hair,” she said. “But I’m not comfortable to- enough to-

 Hal gulped, wondering what to do. He gave her a nice, shy smile even though he felt his cheeks tensing in a way that didn’t indicate a smile.

 “Then you have to go to the hairdresser,” he replied simply.

 Barry’s smile brightened a bit, she was peering at him through her eyelashes.

 

 Hal didn’t tell her that day. They had a nice, quiet dinner in _Monzoni_ and Hal was doing everything in his power so she felt relaxed and safe again.

 Hal didn’t say anything while they were going through park later that night, holding hands. The atmosphere was still very silent and he didn’t want and didn’t know how to break it. The moment was simply wrong.

 Hal didn’t tell her.

 (About two or three weeks later Barry told him the whole story. Told him about how she went to prom after party and swim team captain assaulted her in the middle of the party and no one reacted. Because she never liked him and he didn’t care. Because he wanted to and she didn’t.

 She told him about the court trial, how the guy got only a year of the suspended sentence and restraining order because he had a college sports career ahead and he was _a bright young man_.)

 Barry didn’t go to the hairdresser. Hal didn’t know what to think about it. He didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

 

 

 

***************

 

 

 Hal hated going to his brothers. He wouldn’t say he hated his brothers - it was a too strong word (even though it was closer to Jack than to Jim, Hal had to add). But he loved his nephews and niece and he had a firm opinion that none of them should be affected by the adults’ decisions and, since they liked him so much, he could sacrifice himself and spend a few hours with his brothers.

 (Barry thought it was very mature of him and Hal was proud that she was proud of him.)

 When he was invited to Jason’s, Jack’s first kid’s, birthday, he accepted.

 The whole day he was moody so in the end, eating a late dinner with Barry, toast with cheese and jam, and sausages, she asked him, “What happened? You are awfully quiet today.”

 Hal looked at her, chewing the toast. She took a sip of the tea, waiting for his answer.

 “Family drama, I guess,” he grumbled.

 Barry frowned. “I have my fair share of family drama,” she began. “You can blurt it out already.”

 Hal licked his lips and she smiled calmly.

 “There’s a birthday party of my nephew, Jason,” he explained. “I don’t really like being in the same room with my brothers but I can sacrifice myself for Jason.”

 Barry rolled her eyes at that but it was more fond than irritated.

 “You don’t like it so much?”

 Hal meaningfully stuffed a whole toast into his mouth. Barry sighed, gazing at him a bit sadly. Hal sometimes saw this face on her while he was mentioning his family. Hal himself had already lost his parents too but he still had two brothers with whom he theoretically could meet up, talk and share his life. Barry’s family had been small before - just her parents - but now it consisted only of people she _adopted_ into her family. Barry was a family person and probably some kind of bitterness and poignancy accompanied her when Hal mentioned his very much alive relatives that Hal didn’t treat like family.

 Hal swallowed and looked to the side. “Don’t take me wrong, I love Jason and Howie, and Helen,” he spat out. Barry leaned her head on her elbow. “But Jack and Jim, especially Jack, don’t get on well with me. Never have, I guess.”

 “So, you’re going only for Jason’s sake?” she asked absently.

 She grabbed the tea mug and took a long sip, licking her lips and waiting for him to answer. Hal nodded unsurely.

  “The kids are cool,” he explained again. “It’s the adults.”

 Barry furrowed her eyebrows at that. Taking into consideration how good her relationship with everyone (well, minus Oliver) was, she may have not understood why Hal didn’t get along too well with his family. Especially since Hal, except for the stubbornness, was quite easy-going.

 “Do you want me to come with you?” she asked slowly. “The presence of strangers usually helped with staying civil.”

 Hal gulped, staring with wide eyes at her honest, earn expression, the warmth in her gaze and the way she was leaning in his direction as if to give him comfort.

 He hesitated. Showing Barry that ugly part of his life, his _family_ , was something Hal had never thought about. He didn’t want her to see the part of his life that was responsible for most of his imperfections, _flaws_.

 “It was just an offer,” she spat out, noticing his face. “You don’t have to agree.”

 Hal took a sip of the coffee, glancing at her hand that laid on the countertop.

 “If you want to,” he said. “It won’t be the nicest experience.”

 Barry sent him a sunny, encouraging smile.

 “Of course I want to,” she answered cheerfully. “You practically know all my family members and I haven’t met any of yours. You aren’t ashamed of me or something, right?” she teased.

 Hal playfully kicked her chin, tying their feet together. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

 “Jason will be happy,” he said only.

 On the next Saturday, Hal met up with Barry in his apartment half an hour before the birthday party.

 The whole place was dusty because Hal was still kind of moving out. He had almost nothing at the apartment – mismatched plates and glasses, bed sheets, and empty, cardboard boxes which were left after moving his things to Barry’s house. Well, Barry’s and his now.

  She had on a spring coat, long, too big and pastel pink. She took it off after entering the apartment but, noticing the dust, didn’t hang it. She was standing there, practically in the doorframe, wearing a button up vintage dress with a lined collar. The dress was baby blue, with cute polka dots, reaching above her knee. She put on earnings from Hal and the necklace from Bruce. There was a small crossbody bag in her hand. Hal, wearing a shirt and a black pair of jeans, felt underdressed.

 She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Tiny, adorable bobby pins with butterflies and flowers decorated her hair.

 Hal scooped the present. Jason loved flying, (Hal liked to think it was in Jordans’ blood) so he bought him one of those remote-controlled plane models and one collectible, hangable. Barry wrapped it up the day before, putting a ton of candies inside.

 Hal had been doing paperwork for Carol that morning – that’s why they met up in Coast City. He didn’t want to wake her up too early. For the whole Friday night, Barry was patrolling the city – Capitan Cold and Heatwave had a team-up and the whole Central City was shaken up. Expect for the troubles with the Rouges, there was like three robberies and a fire. At some point, Barry was so tired she called Hal for help.

 She offered him she would go with him to Ferris Wheel in the morning but he declined. Hal simply wanted her to have a good amount of sleep.

 Hal put on his aviator jacket. He took present wrapped in green paper in one hand and laid the other around Barry’s waist. They went outside, in between the buildings, so that Hal was able to suit up without being seen.

 They landed in some alley between the houses, two blocks away from Jack’s house. Barry put on the coast, not feeling the warmth of the green aura anymore. Hal took a deep breath, bracing for meeting They landed in some alley between the houses, two blocks away from Jack’s house. Barry put on the coast, not feeling the warmth of the green aura anymore. Hal took a deep breath, bracing for meeting his brothers.

 Barry grabbed his hand, smiling hearteningly – it was probably the nicest sight of that day. Hal half-smiled, squeezing her palm.

 When they stopped on the stoep at Jack’s, Hal became tight as a drum even with her presence at his side. There were children’s voices and the sounds of the pans and pots coming through the door.

 Barry rang the bell before Hal got time to change his mind. Hal straightened his back, waiting for the attack, for the disaster that was his family relations.

 Janice opened the doors for them but Hal was still tense. She didn’t like him almost as much as Jack and her smile was a bit fake.

 “Harold,” she said slowly. “We weren’t sure you’d come.”

 Barry furrowed her eyebrows at that but didn’t comment.

 “Here I am though,” he said.

 Janice let them in. A second later and Hal was surrounded by his nephews and niece. Jason practically hanged on his arm and Bowie was stretching out his shirt sleeves. Helen, still small and petite, threw herself around his leg. Everyone screamed his name and Hal pretended to struggle under them. _Uncle Hal was the best_ , like, to Jack’s irritation, Jason told him many times. Barry smiled, seeing how much he relaxed around kids.

 Janice glanced behind his arm and frowned, spotting Barry. Barry managed to take off her coat, hanging it on the nearby wall. She was holding Jason’s birthday present with a calm, content face.

 Janice cleared her throat and the kids let go off Hal. In the living room, there were a couple of Jason’s friends from school and the rest of the family. Barry took Hal’s jacket off, not saying anything and hanged it on the wall too.

 Janice licked her lips, glancing between them.

 “We haven’t met yet, I assume?” she addressed Barry. “Janice Jordan.”

 Barry smiled to her but it was rather cold. She came up to them, standing shoulder to shoulder with Hal and the kids observed her curiously. She held out a hand.

 “Barry Allen, Hal’s friend,” she introduced herself.

 Janice grimaced at the name, taken aback but smiled politely and took her hand.

 Jason frowned.

 “Ugh, Uncle Hal, you have a girlfriend,” he spat out, making a face.

 Hal’s cheeks were on fire and Barry, red on the face and ears, chuckled nervously.

 “ _Jason_ ,” scolded his mom.

 Hal rolled his eyes.

 “It’s okay,” he said, grabbing Barry’s hand. “I thought girls were gross at his age too.”

 Janice made a face.

 “There was a time like that?” she snorted.

 Barry furrowed her eyebrows again but Hal tried not to show anything on himself.

 “Come on, Jason,” he said, moving in his direction. “Let’s go upstairs and open the present.”

 Jason simply ran upstairs, almost squeaking with excitement, and Helen and Howie threw themselves at Hal again so Hal had no other choice than lift them up and carry upstairs. Barry adjusted Helen in his arms and his niece sent her a shy smile, burrowing her face in her uncle’s face. Barry nodded to Janice and they went to Jason’s bedroom.

 Jason was jumping all around the room. Hal noticed that everything looked just like he remembered it – there was a mess on the desktop, the sheets with cartoon JL was trashed and above the window, there were plane models hanging, the ones Jason received from him for his every birthday, and books about planes on his shelves.

 Hal let go of Helen and Howie and they ran up to Jason’s side. Barry stopped next t him, still holding Jason’s present. Hal sent her a smile, hurrying her up to the bed. Jason was jumpy, impatient to get his present. They sat down on the bed, with Jason between them and kids sitting on the carpet at their feet.

 Hal loved giving presents to Jason. The kid didn’t take after his father or mother at all but Hal liked to think he would be a boy like Jason if his father hadn’t died in the accident. After Jason unpacked the present, he asked Hal to hang him the new model of the plane with the collection near the window. Helen and Howie were looking at the joystick of the remote-controlled plan curiously. Barry leaned back on her hands with a warm, nostalgic smile.

 “Hey, Jason,” Barry spoke up. Jason glanced at her, suddenly shy. “I know you don’t know me too well yet but I have a little something for you.”

 Hal furrowed his eyebrows. She hadn’t mentioned it to him.

 Jason, of course, lost all of the shyness, coming closer to her. Helen’s and Howie’s gazes were on her.

 “You do?” Jason asked, suspicious.

 Barry ruffled his hair at that.

 “It’s small but yes, I do.”

 She took out of her purse a small box which Hal had never seen before.

 “Your uncle told me you want to be a pilot like him, don’t you?” she asked slowly.

 Jason gave her a quick nod, reaching for the box. She opened it. Hal froze.

 Barry took out a long, metallic chain with a tiny plate and a plane charm. It wasn’t too eye-catching but it suited Jason’s obsession with planes perfectly. When she turned the plate in her hand Hal noticed Jason’s full name and date of birth forged on it. Jason took a deep breath, taken by the new gift.

 “Wow,” he mumbled, accepting the chain. “What’s with the plate?”

 “It’s a dog tag, pilots in the army have them,” she explained. “Your grandfather had one and your uncle had one too.”

 Hal stopped wearing his dog tag when he got discharged from the Air Force and started working for Ferris Wheel. It was somewhere in the boxes under the staircase in their house, waiting for a nonexisting moment.

 Jason put it on at once, grinning.

 “Thanks, Aunt Barry,” he spat out, hugging her.

 Her face turned red and she glanced at Hal. He smiled at her.

 Janice called for them from downstairs, saying the cake was ready. The kids got up in a moment, trying to outrun themselves. Helen stopped at the door. Hal and Barry looked at her.

 “Is everything okay, sweetie?” Barry asked before Hal even managed to open his mouth. “We’ll be there in a moment.”

 Helen watched them with her big blue eyes.

 “Why is your name Barry?” she hesitated. ”It’s a boy’s name.”

 Hal blinked. Barry bit her lip but there were sparks in her eyes. She leaned in Helen’s direction, waving for Helen to come closer.

 “Can you keep a secret?” Barry asked, as if plotting. Helen nodded and Barry tucked a few loose strands of hair. “Everyone thinks I’m a boy at first, even my dad and mom did too. So they gave me a boy’s name.”

_I did too_ , Hal thought. Helen made a face, putting her hands on her hips.

 “But how can they? You’re so pretty,” she mumbled, pouting. “You even have your hair braided.”

 Barry shrugged, winking at her.

 “They just do,” she replied softly. “Do you want me to braid yours?”

 “Maybe after dinner,” Helen decided.

 Hal cleared his throat.

 “Come on, Helen,” he spoke up. “Go downstairs and tell mum we’ll be in a minute.”

 Helen nodded again and ran out, screaming after his brother. Hal sighed.

 “How they have so much energy?”

 He fell on the bed next to Barry, laying his head on her laps.

 “Are you admitting that you’re old?” she teased.

 Hal snorted. “Please, I’ll never be old.”

 Barry mussed his hair with her hand, looking to the side. Hal closed his eyes, at peace.

 “You lied to me, you know?” she said all of sudden. Hal glanced at her and her hand touched his forehead. His heartbeat quickened. “You’re great with kids.”

 Hal blinked at her, giving her a sly smile. She batted her eyelashes at his goofy face.

 “I didn’t lie. I just have had a lot of practice lately,” he pointed out. “Ally helped.”

 Barry chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

 The doors opened and Jim came in. Hal sat up in a hurry, composing himself and almost slipping down on the floor.

 “Sorry, I don’t want to interrupt?” Jim said slowly, his gaze wandering between them. “It’s, well, the cake and dinner is ready and kids are-“

 “Impatient,” Hal finished for him. “We were just going.”

 Jim cleared his throat.  “Yeah, sure.”

 Hal made a face and Barry chuckled again. He nudged her and when she grabbed his elbow, he stood up, pulling her with himself. They were grinning.

  When they entered the living room, Barry wrapped in his arm, everyone, except for the kids, was staring at them. Barry pretended it didn’t move her but Hal felt how her back tensed and her muscles trembled. He rubbed her waist, touching with his thumb the skin her lightning scars were on.

 She introduced herself to everyone, staying calm, with a warm smile on her face. She frequently glanced at Hal. They sat down next to Jim and his wife, Sue. Sue, who was a journalist, easily found the same language with Barry who knew her articles mostly because of Iris. Jim and Hal were sitting there, listening to them – Hal because Barry was the nicest person in the room, Jim because Sue was six months pregnant and Jim was a bit oversensitive.

 They sang Jason happy birthday and Hal couldn’t stop smiling for the next twenty or so minutes, simply because Barry was here, Jason was happy and Jack hadn’t said anything yet.

 The problems started when they had already eaten the cake and dinner and the kids left the table to play in the backyard.

 Barry stood up and every gaze in the room turned to her. Hal didn’t move so she nudged him in the knee.

  “Come on, least we can do is help with the cleaning,” she supplied.

 Hal wanted to protest because Jack and Jim were sitting their asses down but one look from her and Hal simply got up and collected dirty plates from the table.

 Everyone gaped at them even more. Jan, seeing them coming through kitchen doorframe with dirty plates, froze. She raised her eyebrows and handed them clean dessert plates. Hal obediently followed Barry, later laying the table.

 The first problems started when they sat back down and Jack spoke up.

 “I didn’t think you’d really show up this time. With a girl other than Carol nonetheless.

 Hal wanted to snap at him, even just for talking about Barry as if she wasn’t in the room. Barry put her hand on his knee meaningfully. Hal closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

 “Well, it’s Jason’s birthday,” he replied. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

 “Yeah, like you wouldn’t have missed the last two of his birthday,” Jack sneezed.

 Barry furrowed her eyebrows.

 “Can we leave it?” Jim spoke up. “Hal was an ass, it happens, end of the story.”

 Barry tightened the hold on Hal’s pants and he took her hand into his out of habit.

 “Yeah, we better talk about him showing up with a stranger, probably one of his yechy booty calls.”

  Hal stood up in one sharp move, shaking the whole table. Barry sent him a meaningful glance, still holding his hand.

 “ _Hal_ ,” she hissed, pulling on his hand.

 “You can say anything about me,” he began.

 Jack, as always, cut him short, “I have a lot to say about _you_ ,” he spat out. “But everyone had already heard it and nothing changed.”

 “Guys,” Jim tried.

 Both brothers sent him a quick glare before turning back to themselves.

 “So tell me,” Jack continued. “What is she doing here? Another rich girl or a slutty waitress you picked up on the way?”

 “ _Shut the fuck up_ ,” Hal growled.

 Susan left the living room and Jan came back from the kitchen. She stopped at the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest.

 “Do you have to mess every family gathering, Harold?” Jan asked.

 Barry looked at her immediately, a sharp look in her eyes.

 “ _Excuse me_?” she sputtered.

 “You don’t have a say in it,” Jack snapped at her. “You weren’t there when _Harold_ left the family and killed our mother.”

 “I beg you pardon,” she said, overly calm. “From what I know, cancer doesn’t develop due to grown-up sons choosing dangerous careers.”

 No one in the room even breathed. Jack’s face was still furious.

 “That’s a first,” she continued. “He came here for Jason, he was the bigger man and came here _for Jason_ , and you just throw it away because you’re _petty_.”

 Hal gulped, grabbing her elbow. Her face was frozen in a grimace, shin high and eyes narrowed, showing how pissed off she was.

 “Barry, let it go,” he whispered.

 Jack snorted, “Yes, _let it go_ , you-“

 “Shut up,” she interrupted him mid-word. “I’m not surprised Hal doesn’t like visiting you. He didn’t even do anything and you jumped him.”

 “Apparently you don’t know him as well as we do,” Jack sneered. “You don’t know what he had done.”

 “No, I think I know him better even though you have known him your whole lives,” she replied. “And whatever he did, it was _in the past_. Holding grudges and not forgiving is a feature of _lesser_ people.”

 “ _Lesser_?” Janice barked. “My husband-“

  Barry sent her a furious look and Hal could see lightning, sparks in her eyes. Janice silenced.

 “If you were my family and you talked to me like that, I’d have left immediately.” Barry took a deep breath. “But you aren’t and it’s Hal’s decision, a decision he made taking into consideration Jason. You’d better apologize.”

 No one said anything and Barry exhaled loudly.

 “Now, if you excuse me, I promised Helen I’d braid her hair.”

 She left through the terrace doors, going to the oblivious kids. Hal stood there, awestruck. Sue entered the living room with a stern face, laying a hand on her belly.

 “You know she’s right,” she simply said.

 Jack didn’t answer. Jim exhaled, as loudly as Barry, his shoulders losing the tension.

 “It was intense. You got yourself a hell of a girl,” he noticed. Hal had to agree because Barry was like that, never doing anything in halves. “And we’re sorry, really.”

 “Speak for yourself,” Jack put in.

 Hal frowned, crossing his arms over his chest, and snorted.

 “I don’t want your apologies,” he replied. “They won’t be honest anyway. And I’m here for Jason, Howie, Helen, and that kid Sue is going to carry for the next three months.”

 “Jane,” Sue corrected. “We’re naming her Jane.”

 Hal looked at her, calming down, his eyes softening.

 “We won’t stay long, I guess,” he added in the end. “I’ll just say bye to the kids.”

  Janice cleared her throat.

 “Harold,” she started. “ _Hal,_ wait for the dessert.”

 Hal knew she did only for the kids. He shrugged.

 “I’m going to the kid.” He pointed at the garden door with his thumb. “Barry is waiting.”

 Hal left without another word, not looking back. Barry was sitting on the edge of the terrace, observing how kids played tag. He sat down next to her, their knees touching. He glanced up at him, tired, with sad, glassy eyes. She was probably more upset than he was.

 “I’ve made everything worse, haven’t I?” she whispered into the air.

  Hal wrapped an arm around her, feeling goose bumps on his back. The wind was cold and Barry was like a warm heater.

 “You didn’t,” he said. It was the hurtful truth. Jack will always be Jack but maybe the rest snapped out of that nonsense. ”It will be a bit awkward now but it will pass.”

 Barry swapped his knee. Her hand stayed there.

 “Don’t lie, Hal.”

 Hal moved his arm from her waist, taking hold of her hand and intertwined their fingers. Barry was staring at her laps.

 “I just-” she began. “They were being jerks for no reason and I couldn’t take it.”

 “Yes, they were,” he agreed, his voice laced with humor. “But you called them on it, someone should have done it ages ago. They wouldn’t listen to me.”

 Hal licked his lips, squeezing her palm.

 “I’m more sorry you had to listen to them, that they insulted you,” he admitted.

 “It doesn’t matter. It’s a bit sad, I guess, that they- I had no right to act like that. I shouldn’t have. I’m a stranger in their house after all.”

 She sighed and Hal leaned into her, inches away from her face.

 “You’re not just some _stranger_ ,” he hissed. She didn’t turn her gaze from her laps. ”Barry, look at me.”

 She hugged herself with one arm, turning in his direction but still not looking. He lifted her chin and turned her face. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes full of sympathy.

 “You’re so much more than just a stranger, Bear. So much more,” he told her.

~~It was that moment. He was going to confess. He was.~~

 Helen ran up to them, jumping on her legs, the flounces of her skirt jumping with her.

 “Can you braid my hair now, Aunt Barry?” she asked.

 Their gazes turned away from each other. Barry smiled at her, letting go of Hal’s hand.

 “Sure thing, sweetie,” she answered.

 Hal sighed, observing how Barry gathered Helen on her laps.

 They did stay for a very awkward dessert, mostly with the kids insisting. Helen had a very complicated, at least in Hal’s opinion, braided crown, pinned down with Barry’s butterfly bobby pins. Jim watched them, almost smirking, and Sue calmly talked with Barry.

 Staying for a dessert was worth it, even only to see Jack’s face when Jim asked what Barry did for a living and she answered.

 “I’m a CSI.”

 Jack frowned.

 “So you took the easy way out and went to police school straight out of high school,” he remarked.

 “I considered that, yes, but my dad wanted me to have a degree,” she answered easily. “I have a Ph.D. in Chemical Physics, attended Berkeley.”

 Jack blinked and Jim snorted, hiding his mouth behind his hand.

 This time, it was Hal who frowned.

 “You do?” he questioned. “You’ve never told me that, I thought you have only Master degree.”

 “It’s nothing to talk about. I studied part-time for the Ph.D.,” she explained, shrugging. “The diploma is in the cupboard.”

 “In one of the boxes? I’ve never seen it there.”

 “No, in one of the binders.”

 Jim sent them a weirded out look.

 “Do you live together?” he spat out.

 Barry and Hal blushed at once.

 Susan elbowed Jim, raising an eyebrow.

 Jim cleared his throat. “I mean, if it’s not too private- if I can ask-“

 Hal shrugged, not really ready to answer.

 “We kind of do,” he admitted.

 “And how long have you been living together exactly?” Jack sneered.

  Barry’s eyes met Hal’s and her nose wrinkled. She licked her lips.

  “Well, it will be two years in September, I guess?”

 Hal was aware it sounded ridiculous. Especially since they weren’t even together yet. Jack choked on the water and Sue chuckled.

 Hal glanced at her and she glanced at him. Her eyes were so blue.

 “She’s definitely not a stranger,” he said.

 She gave him a bright smile.

 

(Later, watching Barry redoing Helen’s braids, butterfly pins in Helen’s strands and Barry’s hair messy again, he couldn’t turn his gaze away from her. Jim cleared his throat.

 “She’s the one, isn’t she?” Jim asked. “You’re going to settle down.”

 Hal didn’t stop looking at her.

 “Yeah, I guess I’m,” he answered simply.)

 

**************

 

 Hal knew something was wrong when he got back from Oa and on the mandatory JL meeting, there was no Barry, and everyone _stared_ at him.

 After the trips to outer space, Hal usually didn’t stop at the Watchtower - he was always hurrying off to Barry. Sometimes he came by for a checkup in quarantine after being on nasty, unhygienic planets, just to be sure.

 He got back when the senior Leaguers’ debriefing was in progress and Barry never missed them. Hal came in more or less after the first half of the meeting passed by.

 Their two chairs, next to each other, were empty. Something froze up inside him.

 All of them looked at Hal, including Batman. Weird thing was, Bruce didn’t bark at his rude interruption. Diana gave him a concerned glance and Oliver squirmed on his chair. It was unexpectedly tense.

 The first spark of worry overcame Hal when after a long moment no one said a word.

 Hal closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and calming down his heart. He moved to Barry’s chair, right next to Diana and sent Batman a meaningful glance, clearing his throat.

 “Where is Barry?” he spat out.

 Oliver, who is rarely present at these meetings in general, licked his lips, leaning in his chair. No one looked him in the eyes except for Diana and Bruce.

 “Where’s Barry?” he repeated much more quietly and his voice broke in the middle.

 Diana, standing up from her chair, grabbed his elbow.

 “ _Hal_ ,” she said gently. “I’m sorry.”

 His leg went to water and Diana helped him sit down. He was sure he was a pathetic sight but for him, the empty space, empty space next to him and the stern looks he was given were more pathetic.

 Hal glanced with blank eyes at his hands. Diana caressed his arm.

 “Where’s Barry?” he repeated, the words sounding deaf.

 “There was a Zoom’s attack,” Batman replied finally.

 Hal hid his face in his hands, leaning on his elbows against the table, holding back tears before they welled up in his eyes. The room started spinning around him, the dizziness making his head hover in the air, and he lost every desire to live.

 She couldn’t- She couldn’t be- It wasn’t possible. She couldn’t be _dead_.

 He couldn’t breathe and the room blurred out. Someone was speaking to him but he couldn’t hear what and who. It was the first time since twenty years he had been scared, _panicked_.

 “Hal, listen,” Diana began, caressing his shoulder. She stood up, hovering over him. “Listen.”

 Hal didn’t want to listen. He took a deep breath but it didn’t help at all – he was still suffocating. Oliver moved to him, standing on his other side and hiding the empty chair behind his back, Batman turned his gaze away and a couple of others was ready to approach Hal too.

 “J’onn,” Superman spoke up, “can you calm him down?”

 Martian hesitated.

 “It requires breaking the borders of privacy,” he noticed.

 Batman was still looking to the side.

 “Do it.”

 Hal suddenly felt empty, not remembering what moved him so deeply. But then he looked at Oliver and saw that not occupied chair, saw that he himself was sitting in Barry’s place and he remembered everything they told had him a moment ago. He wanted to cry for the first time since his dad died.

 “It’s not working,” J’onn announced. “I’d have to black him out or take his memory.”

 Batman said nothing. Hal, somewhere like behind a barrier, felt Oliver’s hand on his shoulder and somehow, half-vividly, heard Diana talking to him. Hal couldn’t take a breath, the air not coming into his lungs, everything so bright and so blurred.

  _She isn’t here. She is-_

 His throat clenched on itself, knotting on its own, and the words couldn’t come out. His ring fluttered along with his suit, he was losing concentration because she was-

_Why did I leave. I should have stayed. Why did I-_

 Hal heard Batman’s voice but the words were vague. Everything silenced out and he felt only how his hands, or maybe his whole body, trembled. He couldn’t breathe.

 Barry’s laugh filled the room. Hal started to breathe, looking around, searching for her, glancing through Oliver’s back and avoiding Diana’s wide shoulders.

 Batman opened the doors to the room.

 “Who thinks they’re not much of a help, out,” he ordered.

 The crowd was leaving in seconds, glancing worriedly at Hal. There was mostly the founding Leaguers left, not counting Arthur and adding Oliver.

 Barry started to complain there is not enough food in the cafeteria.

 “Barry’s here?” Hal spat out. “I don’t understand.”

 Oliver licked his lips, taking off his mask and sending Hal a look of pity. Diana’s frown deepened.

 “It’s a recording from last month,” Batman explained. “You were developing a panic attack.”

 Hal hid his face in his palms, feeling how his breath was getting rapid again.

 “Calm down, Hal,” Superman said.

 Usually, when someone says _calm down_ , it works the opposite. This time too.

 Diana tightened her fingers on his biceps so hard there were bruises making their way on his skin. The pain was sobering. Hal didn’t look any of them in the eyes and Barry’s voice, _the recording,_ was getting quieter.

 “Listen,” Diana began again. “We don’t know for sure. There’s a chance-“

 “Diana,” Batman cut her short.

 She glared at him, clenching her jaw.

 “You said it yourself,” she insisted. “There _is_ a chance that Barry is alright.”

 Hal didn’t move.

 “What happened?” he whispered.

 There was dead silence for a moment. Clark bit his lip

 “The Flash and Zoom were fighting. The footage doesn't show everything, they were too fast,” he started. “But it seems Barry was losing.”

 Hal’s elbows trembled.

 “They disappeared two weeks ago, during the fight,” Superman added.

 Hal held back his breath and the groan that normally would accompany him. Oliver massaged the base of his neck.

 “There is this theory that they time-traveled,” Diana explained. “The Flash could just get stuck in the past or future, not having a way to travel back to our time.”

 Hal rubbed his eyes.

 “What’s the catch?” he sputtered.

 Oliver froze.

 “If Flash got stuck and finally figured the way to time-travel back, he would be able to just get back to the exact moment he time-traveled the first time,” he answered.

 She obviously hadn’t done that. Hal closed his eyes.

 “Barry could be stuck in the Speedforce as well,” Diana added momentarily. “It’s an unpredictable being of its own mind.”

 “Yes, _unpredictable_. It could also kill Barry,” Batman noticed. “Not to mention the possibility Zoom won and killed-“

 “Bruce,” Diana snapped. “You’re not helping.”

 Hal was absolutely sure he didn’t have a panic attack anymore because he simply stopped feeling anything at that moment. His head was empty of any thoughts.

 “All I’m saying is, the number of possible bad outcomes is higher than,” Bruce continued. “We have to accept it. The Flash is declared MIA, if Barry doesn’t show up in the next two weeks, we’ll declare him KIA. It’s the procedure.”

 Hal took a deep breath.

 “Is there anything we can do? I can do?” he pleaded, not uncovering his face. His own voice sounded like someone talking in the distance.

 “We can wait,” Batman spat out. “Maybe turn back the time.”

 Hal sniffed, brushing off Diana’s hand on his shoulder.

 Ollie laid a heavy hand on his collarbone, squeezing.

 “Come on, buddy,” he spoke up. “Let’s get you home.”

 He put on his mask back and helped Hal stand up. His legs gave under him.

 When Hal gave Oliver the address, _Central City, Danville, Pine Street 53_ , he sent him a strange look but didn’t comment. He kept on rambling about meaningless things, probably to fill the silence Hal didn’t want to break out of. He didn’t know why Ollie was doing it – he didn’t hear half of the words anyway.

 They zeta beamed two streets away from the house after Oliver changed into normal clothes.

 When Hal took out the keys from his pocket and opened the door, the emptiness struck him. The pullover Barry had worn a day before Hal’s flight to space was still on the hanger and her CSI ID card was still in the key bowl.

 Hal clenched his jaw, sniffling. He closed his eyes but he couldn’t stop trembling no matter what. Oliver guided him to the living room.

 It was quiet. So quiet.

 Hal remained at the frame. Everything was looking so normal, as if nothing happened, as if Barry was simply in work.

 If she fought with Zoom more than two weeks ago, ~~she died~~ she _disappeared,_ he corrected himself, just after he left Earth. He should have been there.

 On the backseat of the couch, there was his pale blue polka-dot dress, the one she fell asleep the Sunday night Hal went to Oa. An empty tea mug was sitting on the coffee table and her socks with Batman’s symbols on were lying on the carpet.

 Hal didn’t move from the spot until Oliver prodded him in the couch’s direction.

 Even the cushions were in the same position like when Barry and he napped, watching _Parks and Recreation_. Hal fell on the couch and Oliver sat next to him, scrutinizing him, his eyes pitying him.

 Hal remembered that Oliver was with him there at all. He carelessly activated his ring and moved all the pictures and indication of Barry’s identity with small constructions so that Oliver couldn’t see too much. Oliver didn’t notice.

 

 (Darryl came later that night. He asked him what was really going on.

 “I know she wasn’t involved in any accident with the Justice League, despite what Batman told me. I know she fought Zoom that night, I know she’s the Flash,” he rambled to Hal.

 Hal, any other day, would be surprised, would question it. But it wasn’t any other day.

 “She’s been declared MIA,” he said, his voice quavering. “She disappeared with Zoom during the fight and no one knows where is she or if she is-“

 “She is alive,” Darryl said stubbornly. “She has to be alive. She’s the only one I have.”

 Hal wanted to agree but he couldn’t.)

  (The next day, Ally came before going to school.

 She asked him times and times if he could do anything, if he knew when Barry was coming home, if he could take her to see her aunt and Hal couldn’t do anything but tell her, utterly hopeless, “No.”)

 Barry did get back. He was not the first to know. As Batman told him later, there were procedures and Barry did well actually proceeding with them.

 She was in the sick bay in the Watchtower when he met with her. He was close to crying, seeing her in one piece, safe and sound. He hugged her as soon as he could and didn’t let go of her for the next three hours or so.

 She giggled and called him silly, kissing his cheek.

 “I couldn’t find a way to time-travel. I’ve never done that before and when I did I didn’t know how you get back in time to the exact point of the past. Sorry for being three weeks late.”

 She was cleared to go in six hours and for the next three weeks, Hal allowed her to be alone only at work. She didn’t say anything but sighed a lot.

~~Darryl thanked him for some reason.~~

~~Ally slept with them in their bedroom on the weekend after Barry got back home.~~

 

 

 **************

 

   She gave him a heart attack again, of course. Why not, right? Hal suspected she did it on propose,

 They were fighting a Legion of Doom. Again. Or rather, they had already won and were assessing the damage. Taking civilians out of the harm's way and the battlefield, searching for misplaced weapons and injured people. The damage to the city, Hal had to admit, was big. Bigger than in their usual fights. Hal himself was quite tired and pretty sure at least two of his ribs were broken.

 The section he was supposed to check was empty and the firefighters were starting to take over.

 Hal activated his comm. “Bear? Are you ready to go home?”

 Hal waited, a lingering silence filling his ears. He took a deep breath, calming himself down. He looked around as if she was about to run up to him with a smile.

 “Barry?” he asked into the comm again.

 She wasn’t answering. Hal’s body started to tremble. There were police sirens going off around and more and more people showed up around him – firefighters, police, paramedics, reporters, witnesses.

 “Barry, if you don’t speak up in the next minute, I’m going to search for you,” he announced in the comms.

 His lungs didn’t want to let him breathe.

 “Green Lantern,” Superman’s voice sounded in the comms. It wasn’t comforting. “Batman told me you’re panicking. Stay where you are, we’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

 “ _We_?” Hal repeated. “Is Barry with you? What’s going on?”

 “The Flash is with me,” Clark replied. “His comm is broken. He couldn’t answer you.”

 “Is he alright?” Hal insisted.

 “Wait there,” he ordered him. It wasn’t a clear answer and Hal knew what it meant. Barry wasn’t alright.

 He could only stand there, his legs jumping to move, his moves frantic. People gathered a safe distance away from him, whispering and pointing their fingers at him. Someone screamed Superman’s name and Hal looked up.

 He was momentarily blinded by the sun, saying Superman’s figure, carrying someone in his arms. His cloak was blowing in the breeze and the limp body was wearing red. It was Barry. He was carrying Barry.

 Hal froze there.

 He exhaled when he saw her eyes opening. She was dead tired, her eyes narrow, blood dripping from her forehead, her head leaning on Superman’s chest. Her legs were a bloody mess – the material of her suit was torn practically down her knees, her running shoes in pieces and Hal could see actual bones sticking out of her calves in several places.

 As soon as Superman was in his range, Hal scattered to him.

 “Barry?” he asked even though he wanted to scream at her. “I was so _worried_.”

 She sent him a weak smile, her eyes closing on her. Hal tried to gather her into his arms but Superman took a step back.

 “Mind his legs,” Superman scolded. “They’re broken in several places and the bones are moving around. He has a concussion too.”

 Hal made a construction under her legs, wrapping it delicately around them. She hissed but there was no other way to do it – he had to stabilize the broken bones. He took her in his arms, gently steering her head on his chest and hushing her when she groaned. Superman helped her wrap her arms around his neck.

 “He needs to go to the sick bay but I have to help Batman with escorting the Legion to the Belle Reve,” Clark explained. “I’d take him to the paramedics on the side to at least reset the bones. The trip to the Watchtower will take you a couple of hours if you don’t want to shake him too much. Paramedics would stabilize the bones.”

 Hal nodded, looking down on her. Her face was bruised and the blood dried but she was smiling at him with a fond look.

 “What happened?” he asked. “I was so worried.”

 Barry looked to the side.

 Superman cleared his throat awkwardly, touching his neck. “He was trapped under a collapsed building when I found him.”

 “ _A collapsed building_?” Hal exclaimed. “You can’t do shit like that, Barry. You may heal fast but no superhealing will heal you from _immediate death._ Not to mention how your legs look right now. What if they heled like that?”

 “Hal,” she began weakly.

 “Don’t _Hal_ me,” he sputtered. “I almost had a heart attack when you didn’t answer the comm. You know how I felt at that moment?”

 “Hal,” she tried again.

 “I was terrified I’d find you dead,” Hal spat out. He closed her mouth. Superman backed off awkwardly, flying away. “I love you, Barry. I can’t live without it.”

 “I know,” she told him calmly.

 “No, I don’t think you know,” he noticed. Their gazes met and Hal looked her in the eyes, a heartbroken expression on his face. “I love you with my whole heart, Barry. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to get old with you, I want to retire from the superhero business with you, I want to wake up with you in the bed every day. _I love you_.”

 “Hal,” she spoke up softly, her hand wandering to Hal’s cheek. Her palm was warm.

 He leaned down and kissed her. It was probably the worst kiss in his life. She had smeared blood on her lips and he was pretty sure he had blood in his mouth as well, he was sweaty and didn’t brush his tooth in two days and she was barely conscious, and he bumped her nose, and his neck was hurting. But it was also the best he had because it was his first kiss with Barry.

 There, he told her. It wasn’t even so hard.

 And she kissed him back. He put her hand over his nape and moved his face closer, caressing his cheek with her other palm. She closed her eyes, wiggling in his arms. Hal didn’t know how long they were kissing and if he was out of breath because it felt so amazing or because he was so tired.

 “Hal,” she whispered. “I know. And I love you too.”

 Barry’s legs healed in half a day and she was completely healthy in two days time. Hal’s ribs, three of them broken, nursed four weeks. Barry kissed it better, a lot.

~~The reporters were practically screaming in the papers about their gay romance.~~

~~Darryl gave him thumbs up the next time he had seen him.~~

 

 

**************

 

 Two weeks after the accident, Oliver asked him to come to the Queen Mansion for a night of video games and expensive whiskey. Hal didn’t get the whiskey – he was still on painkillers. Roy, _Oliver’s kid_ as weird it didn’t sound, went out with Dinah.

 “So, how’s being the first openly not straight superhero?” was first thing Oliver asked him.

  “First of all, I don’t see a point in this conversation,” Hal said, falling down on the couch. He regretted it the same moment – his ribs were hurting like hell. “Second of all, I’m not first. There is this freezing lady whose name I don’t remember who is bisexual, Jay Garrick is a lesbian, Diana is openly bisexual, same goes for Constantine even though I’m not sure you could call him a superhero.”

 Oliver rolled his eyes, setting his glass of whiskey on the table.

 “But you’re happy, right?” he asked, lifting a magazine from the table and throwing it at Hal. “With the Flash?”

 The front page article was titled _Green_ _Lantern and the Flash gay for each other?_   and Hal snorted.

 “Of course I’m happy with Barry,” he answered.

 Oliver sat down next to him, staring at the photo on the front page. Hal was kiss Barry there, they were standing in front of collapsed building and firefighter and police were in the background, along with police lights and a dying fire.

 “Well, that’s the most important thing,” Ollie said. “He better make you the happiest man alive.”

 Hal grinned. He already was the happiest man alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _As usual, if you see any mistakes, typos or other annoying things, do tell me. English is only my second language and words tend to be messed up by me._
> 
>  
> 
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> 
> So, I definitely didn't publish it in June. Not that I'm surprised. I honestly don't know what happen, I had like 4/5 of the last chapter written on paper but just couldn't make myself rewrite it on my computer. Also, this chapter is not beta-read. I will work on that after getting some sleep.
> 
> Also, if someone is interested, I've made a playlist for this fic/AU [holding a torch (or a lantern)](https://8tracks.com/charliemou/holding-a-torch-or-a-lantern-halbarry)
> 
> Okay, thanks everyone who read it, commented or left kudos! I hope you liked it! The next parts of the series will be coming if anyone is interested!
> 
> Also x2, I can't believe it has 50k words. It's more than first Harry Potter book.


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